Monica was not a virgin. I knew that much. I had caught her with a boyfriend at least once and ignored the sounds behind her closed door enough times while I was sneaking out of the house myself. Still… “And what was ‘before’ like?”
“Oh, I don’t know!” She flushed again, and then slapped my shoulder. “Stop laughing!”
I batted at her fingers. “I’m not.”
“You are!” She almost growled. “It’s just… You know I’ve- God. I had sex in high school but it’s different. I don’t know. I feel like a boy sometimes.”
“Don’t pigeonhole yourself. Girls get horny, too.”
“I know,” she said. She chewed at her fingernails and we stepped out of the way of a few vendors hawking their wares. “It’s just, this summer, ever since the end of school, I…” She blew her hair out of her face. “You don’t want to hear this.”
“I do,” I said. I did.
“I just. I… ache. I don’t know how else to put it. It’s like as soon as Rob and I broke up I’ve just – look, I’m not a slut or anything, but – I’ve just been so horny.”
“Total slut,” I said.
She punched my arm. “John!”
I couldn’t stop laughing. She punched at me again, and then she grabbed at my arm when I wouldn’t – couldn’t – stop. Eventually she threw all 100 pounds of herself at me and after a moment of perilous swaying she was on top of me and I was carrying her on my back. She stopped trying to choke me after a block and snuggled happily against the back of my neck, her arms locked under my chin. “You’re strong,” she said.
“You’re not very heavy.”
She really wasn’t. I carried her through the crowd on the boardwalk, the two of us silent, watching, thinking. I tried not to think of the way her breasts lightly bobbed against my shoulder blades with every step. She was soft there, more firm along her abdomen. Her thighs were meaty but there was muscle in there, and she was warm. Kim’s breasts had been very different – higher and perkier. Monica’s, I could tell, had a very different consistency. They bobbed against me, and would fit in either hand like soft gelatin. Walking became more difficult as I became more aware of her breath on my neck, and that I was imagining what my sister’s breasts felt like. She had very pink nipples – I knew that without a doubt.
“It’s normal,” I said at last. To her. (What I was thinking was anything but.)
“I know,” she grumbled.
“No, I mean it. I get like that, too. Even more so after a breakup. You’re used to sex, and the well is tapped out.”
“It’s not just that,” said Monica. “Rob and me, we’re not exactly broken up. We kind of sort of left it open at the end of the year. It’s just this mood I’ve been in, and I’m also… put me down?”
I let her slide down off my back and tried to tell myself I didn’t care about the way the soft skin of her thighs ran down my fingertips. She flipped her mound of hair back and grinned at me, then squeezed my hand. She fell into step beside me. “I’ve also just been thinking about… there’s stuff I want to do that I don’t think… I wouldn’t ever know how to ask.”
That made no sense to me, so I just said, “Huh?”
“Well, okay, what’s a fantasy you’ve always had?”
“With a girl?”
“No, with a hedgehog.”
“Oh,” I said. I racked my brain. “I dunno. Catholic schoolgirl uniform.”
“That’s so played out.”
“Well excuse me.”
She bit her lip. “I bet you’ve already done that, though.”
I nodded. A guy was selling soda next to a pizza stand and I bought us two. Monica sipped on a Sprite thoughtfully before she spoke again. “Was it Denise?”
I laughed. “There have been… a few ladies to do that for me.”
“But you just asked them, right? You said, ‘hey, I want to fuck you in a schoolgirl uniform.'”
I tried to play it off for the briefest of moments and then decided, fuck it, we’ve gone this far down the rabbit hole. I nodded.
“What else?”
“Geez, do you want every filthy thing I’ve done?”
“Well. No, but…”
I wanted to laugh but this time I kept it inside. I could see that the conversation was embarrassing her, but she slogged on anyway and this, after all, was what I’d wanted. I made a very visible show of not laughing and gestured for her to continue.
“I mean, is there anything more taboo?”
“Well, your standard rape roleplay, I guess. Handcuffs. Butt stuff.”
“You’re such a guy.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“But you never had a problem asking?”
“Sure, sometimes, for the really weird stuff. But it depends on some things, you know? If we’re drunk enough, if we trust each other enough. I mean, with Brandy, for instance, I trusted her as far as I could throw her, but she was a very randy girl-”
“Randy Brandy.”
“Indeed. We did stuff I’ve never done with anyone, because she was up for it. I mean, with Kim, I would have felt weird about getting into weirder stuff just because…” I shrugged. “She was daintier?”
“That’s what I’m talking about,” said Monica. “There’s some stuff I just don’t think I’d be comfortable asking. Most stuff. And I want…” She reached out into the air, as if there was something just out of her reach.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll get there.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah, but I’m horny now.”
“That’s not my business.”
She grabbed onto my arm, trying to pull me down to the sidewalk. “Well, you asked.”
“Well, I did.”
We continued to walk like that, she leaning on me, me holding her up. Her hair pushed into my shoulder and I smelled her shampoo.
“Name one thing you want to do that you’d be scared to ask for.”
“One thing?” she said. She bit her lip again. She looked around. “Can we go this way?” She pointed down one of the alleys and we left the crowd and moved into the quiet shadows between the beach houses. “Okay,” she said, taking a sip of Sprite. “I want to…” She grinned and blushed and shook her head. “I’m small, right?”
“You’re petite, yeah.”
“Most times I’ve been laid I’ve been – you know – missionary. On the bottom. I want to be on the top…” I laughed – couldn’t help it – and she slugged me hard. “I wasn’t finished!”
“Sorry!” I said.
“I don’t just want to be on top, I want to be… you know, in total control. I want to just be on the guy and just… own him.”
That was interesting. “Go on.”
“I want to use him, as my personal fuck toy.”
“Like rape?”
“Not exactly,” she said. “Maybe a little? I want to get on a guy when he’s… sleeping. But he can’t wake up. And I just want to ride him. You know, make all the moves myself, until I’m done.”
I coughed. “You could use a dil-”
“It’s not the same. I want a man under me. A real man. Living, breathing, with a cock that works. And I want to be the one working it.”
Walking was a little more difficult after I heard her say that. “Okay,” I said, a little impressed. “That is a little more complex than just being on top.”
“But,” she sighed, “I’ve never been with a guy I trusted to not laugh at me – first of all.” She glared at me. “But who I thought could actually go through with it. Not just do it but stay hard and not cum until… until I’ve cum.”
“I mean, I can imagine-” Wrong phrase. “I mean, with you as horny as you are, it would be… a challenge.”
“This conversation has gotten me very horny,” she said, no less red than when we’d began.
I let out a sharp sigh.
“I mean,” she continued, unable to look directly at me, “I just keep thinking about it. At night, I can’t sleep. I just think about sneaking into a guy’s room and seeing him there, naked, his cock just… up. You know, like how hard it gets when a guy’s asleep? And, I’m just so wet, and I just slide down him and ride. God, cumming, and then feeling him shoot in me?”
“That’s enough, I think.” I could see how flushed she’d become – a whole other shade of red – and if I had to listen to much more I’d have to sit down for a while.
She wrapped her fingers around her face. “Oh God, I’m sorry. That’s too much, isn’t it? That’s way too much. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine, Moni. Let’s get back to the car.”
“Do you think I’m gross?”
“I do not.” I kept walking, and she trailed after me. Again, I tried to ignore the soft parts of her that bobbed as she ran.
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re very horny. And it happens.”
“Look at me, John!” She reached out to my hand, grabbed it, and I spun. She was surprisingly strong in that instant.
She was shivering. It was over eighty degrees out and she was shaking like a leaf. Her hand, so tight on me, suddenly went limp, and her eyes were glossy, misty. “I’m so-” she was panting now. Hyperventilating?
“Calm down,” I said. “It’s fine.”
Her chest just kept rising and falling, the hem of her shirt riding up her slit of a bellybutton. Her stomach quivered. I put my hand on her waist. “Moni, it’s fine.”
“I need-” she said.
“What?”
And then her fingers were on my cheeks and her nails were digging into my jaw. She pulled me down, against the tiny garage of one of those beachtown condos, and pulled my mouth onto her frail, wet lips. Before I knew what was up and where was down her tongue snaked out and it was lapping against mine. I nearly fell, and she pulled me in tighter. Her legs opened wide and I was pinned against her. My sister heaved her chest up and put it on me. “Do you feel?” she gasped into my mouth. “I want it so bad right now…”