I needed a date.
My company was having a big end of the year bash at a downtown hotel and they were providing the rooms, the food, everything. All we needed to do was show up and have fun. There was business involved as well, some late afternoon seminars to attend, but the important thing, the major thing, was that I needed a date. Because afterwards, there would be dancing and drink, and afterwards, I’d have a whole hotel room to myself.
Nice guy that I am, I thought of calling Tara first. But nice as I am, I’m also an asshole. It didn’t take me long to remember.
The breakup was bad. The hicky Tara found on my neck began a series of questions that led to a series of shouts that led to me leaving the house before the entire family was involved. Of course that didn’t stop it. There were angry phone calls, from both Tara and Courtney – Tara about Courtney and then Courtney screaming for her money or to get her sister off her back.
Her father even called to tell me he’d kill me if he ever saw me again. I never asked him where Courtney learned her knifework, or whether he knew why his little girl was so pissed at me. Honestly, I wanted to leave it all behind me.
That wasn’t easy to do when my ex-girlfriend and I shared an apartment. I had a head start on her from the funeral, but it wasn’t enough to get all my shit packed up and out the door. When she came home she immediately set to tearing the place apart. She threw my toolbox out the window, and it came very close to shattering and spilling out all the money that was hidden inside it.
I had to find someone to sub-lease my half of the apartment, which was a nightmare in this economy. I had Tara’s friends calling me, leaving text messages, telling me what a monster I was. Yes, me, a monster. Well…
Comes the end of the year and I need a date for this shindig. I hadn’t even thought about it, was planning to just feel sorry for myself, drink the booze and try not to slit my wrists alone in the hotel room. But a chance encounter in a coffee shop changed my mind.
* * *
I had been sitting in the corner of the cafe with my laptop for about six minutes. I’d been in there for an hour already, catching up on work, trying to get everything in my docket finished before the company party, when I noticed a girl come in through the door with a group of friends.
Her friends were fine, blonde, brunette, but she had a long trail of raven black hair, so black it must have been dyed, and a deep, fake tan, so tan the girl was practically brown. She had a hard-edged face, an upturned nose and a strong mouth. Great tits. Hellenic ass. The unapologetic cleavage in her low-cut top clued me in to her breasts; the mini-skirt tipped me off to the ass. It was Courtney, in town. For six minutes I didn’t know what to do. On the seventh minute, I shut my laptop, and had a plan.
If she’d left with the girls I’d have to follow her, but that wasn’t the way it worked out. She excused herself from the group after they’d been there for thirty minutes to use the restroom, and when she did, I followed her in.
She was closing the door behind her when I slid my foot between the door and the jamb. She started fuming even before she saw me. “Hey, asshole-” She stopped.
We regarded each other with quiet, calculating grimaces, and then, as if on cue, she opened the door and we entered the unisex restroom together.
“What the fuck do you want?” she said.
“To give you your money.”
She snorted. A puff of air escaped her lips and tossed one of her bangs back over her ear. The action was adorable. “Right,” she said. “What do you want me to do, fuck you while doing a handstand in this shitty bathroom?”
“No, but good guess,” I said.
She crossed her arms and gave me a nasty smirk. “My family thinks you’re just the sleaziest shit right now. It’s awesome.”
“What about you?”
She shrugged. “Like I give a shit. Grandma’s dead and no one’s thinking about the money right now. Tara won’t stop giving me shit about you but whatever.”
“So I guess you don’t need the money anymore.”
She bugged her eyes as if receiving some sort of religious revelation. “Oh, wow, you mean you’re really going to give it to me? Fuck you, no. I’m not stupid.”
“No,” I said agreeably. “No, Courtney, you’re a sharp one. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”
“Look,” she said, “you’re not my sis’s bf anymore and I don’t care what you do with the money. So, uh, I think we’re done here. Right?”
I nodded. “We can be, if you want. But I have a proposition for you.”
“Fuck that. Whatever it is, fuck that, fuck you, fuck no.”
I threw up my hands. “Come on, Courtney. Didn’t we have some laughs?”
She sneered. “Yeah, R-i-i-ight. All those times you fucked me when my sister wasn’t around? Yeah, those were great times.”
“I didn’t hear any complaints from you.”
“I literally complained the entire time. Or did you not hear me calling you a fucking bastard while you were cumming in my ass?”
“Good times,” I said.
She rolled her eyes. “Will you please leave? Or do you want to watch me piss now?”
“No,” I said, “my perversion does not extend that far. However, I do have a proposition for you and I ask only that you hear me out before any further profanity.”
“Fuck you.”
“Right,” I said. “I’m willing to give you your money back.”
“If…?”
“If you come to this company party with me. You’d come as my date. You’d be there with me.”
“And that’s it?”
“No, that’s not it.”
She nodded slowly. “Yeah, I thought so. You really get off on getting off on me, don’t you?”
“I do, Courtney,” I said. “I really do.”
She made a grand show of searching the ceiling with her eyes. “My sister fucking hates you right now.”
“I understand that.”
“So, what, I have to wear a nice dress, pretend you’re charming? What?”
“You’d only be there for the drinking, food and dancing. The boring business stuff is earlier in the day.”
“Uh-huh,” she said. “And I should believe you because…?”
“I’ll bring the money with me. I’ll show it to you as soon as you get into the hotel lobby. If I don’t have it you can walk out and leave. If you stay, I’ll give it to you.”
“When?”
“After.”
“What?”
“After.”
She laughed. “You think you’re so smart,” she said.
“Actually I thought I sounded desperate.”
“You do,” she said. “You are. You’re pathetic. Why don’t you get some other girl to come with you? Oh, that’s right. Cause you’re an asshole.”
“Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe I’d rather go with you.”
“I bet you would.”
“Bet me two thousand dollars?”
She leveled her gaze at me. “When is it?”
“End of next week. I can send you the directions.”
She took a deep breath, and without another thought, just nodded. “Fine. Sure. Whatever. If I show up and you don’t have the money, I will fucking stab you in the lobby, I don’t care who sees it.”
“I believe you,” I said. I believed her.
“Now leave, I have to piss.”
“Can I watch?”
I left without much protest, the look on her dark face more than worth it. As I packed up my stuff in the cafe corner I was relieved, and surprised, that she’d said yes. Of course that didn’t mean she would show up, but the tantalizing possibility was there.
* * *
The weeks stretched by like they were laden with lead weights. On the day of the party I tossed grandma’s money in my duffel bag, along with my nice slacks and a pack of condoms.
The seminars were excruciating. The small talk was boring. But at about 7 PM, when the company members were coming downstairs in their finery, my boss was already drunk, and I was waiting in the lobby, the night, quickly, and briefly, was all worth it.
Courtney arrived. She had a small bag with her, enough for a night’s stay, and it was taken by the bellboy without much fuss. She knew what number the room was. And she strode towards me on the wide red-carpeted floor.
She was in nothing but a straight black dress, and I mean nothing else. She did have a pair of black heels that went all the way up, but there was not a bra strap in sight over her bare, brown shoulder. Her breasts were squeezed into the outfit, that shimmered and bent the light, and the hem went to just about thigh-level. Just about. When she walked the fabric slithered over her ass. And the eyes of the hotel did likewise.
I opened my mouth to tell her what she already knew but she cut me off. “Money,” she said. Her eyes were rimmed with dark mascara, her cheeks blushed.
The money appeared in my hand and swiftly returned to my pocket.
“How do I know it’s all there?”
“It’s all there,” I said.
“You fucking lie.”
“It’s all there,” I said. “Do you want to tell the bellboy to bring your bag back?”
“If it’s not…” she growled.
“You’ll cut me,” I said. “Fair is fair, I know. Now, look,” I said, I looped my arm through hers, “you’re here as my date. So you have to make believe you’re having a great time.”
“My imagination isn’t strong enough.”