SASHA’S POV
I lay in the tangled sheets, trying to quiet the pounding of my heart. The room felt suddenly colder without him beside me. Sebastian was standing at the edge of the bed, his face unreadable for a moment as he looked down at me.
“I’m going to take a shower,” he finally said, his voice soft but holding that usual firmness, like he already expected I would agree.
I nodded quickly, pulling the sheet tighter around myself, only to catch the brief, almost disappointed flicker in his eyes. Before he could turn, he gave me a gentle smile. “Why don’t you join me?”
The question made my heart hammer even harder, and I instinctively shook my head, glancing away, hoping he wouldn’t press. “No, you… you go ahead. I’ll… I’m not ready yet,” I mumbled, hardly able to get the words out.
He paused, then let out a quiet chuckle. “Are you shy?” he teased, an amused glint lighting up his eyes.
I didn’t answer, and the silence seemed to settle around us like a thick blanket. The feeling of being exposed gnawed at me. I felt both warm from the memory of our earlier intimacy and yet overwhelmingly vulnerable in the moment.
He watched me a beat longer, as if contemplating something, and I held my breath, wondering if he’d insist. But then he gave a small nod, taking a step back. “Alright,” he said, his voice dropping into that soothing, reassuring tone. “I’ll be quick. Take your time.”
And just like that, he turned and walked away, slipping into the bathroom and leaving the door partially open, enough for the faint sound of running water to reach me. The sound was somehow calming, yet each splash brought with it a fresh wave of embarrassment.
When he was gone, I took a shuddering breath and covered my face with my hands. What had I done? My mind began to spiral. I could still feel his touch, the warmth of his breath, the way he’d looked at me with such intensity, like I was the only thing he saw in the entire world. Yet now, all I could feel was a strange sort of shame, an unease that seemed to coil around my chest and tighten with each passing second.
“You let your body do the thinking, Sasha,” I muttered to myself, clutching at the sheets as if they could somehow shield me from my own thoughts. “You lost control.”
But even as I berated myself, another part of me couldn’t deny the lingering thrill, the memory of how his fingers had felt against my skin. My heart wouldn’t settle; the quiet of the room became a backdrop to my runaway thoughts.
The sound of the water stopped, and my heart kicked up its pace again. The air felt stifling, as if I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t have. I tried to gather myself, but my mind wouldn’t let go of the idea that I had crossed a line, one I couldn’t simply retreat from now. I wasn’t sure I was ready to face him.
But, lost as I was in my own thoughts, I didn’t even hear him until he was already stepping back into the room, a towel slung casually around his hips, his hair damp and dishevelled. The sight of him nearly stole my breath away, and I quickly looked down, afraid of what he might read in my expression.
I felt the mattress shift as he sat down next to me, and the heat of his presence radiated through me. My hands were clenched so tightly in the sheets, I could feel my knuckles aching, but I didn’t dare move. I tried to focus on my breathing, keeping it steady, though each inhale felt heavier than the last.
I could feel his gaze on me, piercing through my defences. “Sasha…” he murmured softly, leaning in closer until his face was just inches from mine. His voice was low and tender, so quiet I almost had to strain to hear him. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to look at him, but my voice was barely a whisper. “Nothing… I just… I’m just… I don’t know.”
A gentle smile played at the corners of his mouth, and he reached out, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “Do you regret it?”
I hesitated, the words sticking in my throat. How could I explain the tangled mess of emotions I was feeling? I didn’t regret it – not truly. But the fear of what it meant, of where this was leading, gnawed at me.
“No,” I admitted finally, feeling the word release some of the tension. “I don’t regret it. I’m just… I’m just afraid.”
His gaze softened, and he reached out, cupping my face in his hands, his thumb brushing my cheek. “Afraid of what?”
“Afraid of losing control,” I whispered, feeling the burn of tears at the corners of my eyes. “Afraid of… how much I feel when I’m with you.”
Sebastian’s expression grew tender, his voice dropping even lower. “Sasha, you don’t have to be afraid of that. Sometimes losing control is the only way we can really find what we’re looking for.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came. His words settled over me like a warm blanket, and before I could overthink it, I leaned forward, resting my head against his shoulder. For a long moment, we sat there in silence, the warmth of his skin against mine a steady reminder of what had just happened, of what was waiting for us if we dared to reach for it again.
He leaned closer, his breath warm against my ear, sending a fresh shiver down my spine. “Can we… do it again?” His voice was a whisper, a question that was both playful and deadly serious. And I felt even worse
His words jolted me out of my thoughts, and my head shot up, meeting his gaze.