One time I took her to the Mambo Inn at the Loughborough Hotel in Brixton, because Gran had been a keen lover of Latin music, and had taught me from an early age to Mambo, Bossa Nova, Cha Cha Cha and Merengue, so I could finally dance with Sai without looking sad, lost or uncoordinated. I showed Sai what fun Latin music was, and we learned how to Salsa-dance properly; we had a good time.
We’d call dad and Grandpa every evening, chat for a while, check everything was OK, that they were keeping OK, and see if there was any news from the Coroner’s Court for an Inquest date. At night we indulged in long slow lovemaking, or sweaty sexual encounters, appetite for each other growing daily, gorging on each other.
Finally, the third week of August, dad called to say they’d received the death certificate, and could now go ahead with Gran’s funeral. The funeral home had offered the last day of August, so I went ahead and arranged some time away, and the arrangements got underway.
We drove down the night before, both of us nervous but resolute, but Sai had swapped her ring back to her right hand; no need to tip dad off too soon, he was going through enough right now; Dad deserved to know about us, and we were not going to sneak around and pretend any longer, but we had to do it the right way.
We arrived late in the evening, dad a little distracted, looking thinner and somehow smaller, as though the wait had depleted him, and Grandpa was uncommunicative, happy to see us, but obviously wanting to be alone with his thoughts. Everybody who was attending were going to be gathering at the house after the interment, and caterers were delivering refrigerated platters of sandwiches, rolls and cold meats, so we retreated to the patio, sitting in the late august evening, talking softly; this was not a time for frivolity or raised voices.
At last, feeling awkward and out of place, we went to bed, Sai in my old bedroom, me in one of the small guest bedrooms.
The funeral cortege left the house at 9:00 sharp, as it was a long way to Upton Cresset, near Bridgnorth, the funeral due to start at 10:30. Dad and I, and 4 neighbours carried the casket into the church, and the vicar gave the old-form funeral service, as Gran would have wanted. After the simple service was over, we moved to the graveside, while the vicar read the eulogy, the casket was lowered into the ground, and covered with the privacy board; a JCB digger was waiting discreetly out of sight just behind the trees to fill in the grave after everyone had left.
And that was it. A simple service and a simple burial; I think Gran would have approved. This was the church she was baptised in, had her marriage solemnized in, and now she’d joined her parents and grandparents and her final entry in the parish record had been made. It felt right. I left dad and Grandpa at the graveside, Sai linked arm-in-arm with both of them, and waited at the car for them. I’d already said my goodbye, I was at peace with myself, and I felt sure Gran knew how I felt.
We got back to the house, all the guests sitting around or standing in groups, eating sandwiches or rolls, with the WI ladies in full attendance, helping out, and giving their condolences to Grandpa and the family, making sure things went smoothly. The other mourners were understandably awkward and formal, and a little unsure what to say, it wasn’t a social occasion, not somewhere you could easily say “Well now, that was nice wasn’t it!”
Dad circulated around, and ended up standing by himself by the French doors into the garden. Sai and looked at each other, and agreement flashed between us that now was the time, and approached him.
“Dad, can we talk to you, somewhere private, please?” I murmured.
He looked at us, nodded, and led the way to Grandpa’s cluttered old study. I closed the door, with Sai standing next to me, and dad perched on a corner of the wide old desk where Grandpa used to play toy soldier battles with me on rainy days.
I cleared my throat.
“Dad, there’s something I need to tell you, that we both need to tell you.”
He cocked an eyebrow, but otherwise said nothing, waiting for me to continue.
“Dad, Sai Fong and I, we’ve… we’re in love, and we want to be together. I love her, and she loves me, and we want each other.”
Still nothing.
Sai stirred uneasily, unnerved by dad’s silence and passive reaction.
“We didn’t want to hurt, you, dad, honestly, and we didn’t mean for this to happen, but it has, and I want Harry, more than anything in the world…”
Tears began to run down her cheeks as she spoke, and at last dad spoke.
“Sai, Harry, is this what you both want, really? Because you know that there’s no going back, no way to make what you do un-happen. You accept this, yes?”
We both nodded.
“And what about children, you know what the consequences could be for them? And knowing those consequences, you two are still prepared to go ahead regardless?”
I cleared my throat; thank God we’d seen this coming and done our homework.
“Dad, we’ve talked about it, and I’ve done some checking; because Sai and I share a parent, there is some risk of chromosomal damage or deletion, but no more so than if we were cousins , and better than fair chances that there would be no consequences at all. It’s a risk we’ve discussed, we think it’s acceptable.”
Dad sat for a long moment, then held out his hand to Sai Fong, beckoning her closer. Sai stepped up to him, and he hugged her close, smoothing back her hair and kissing her gently on the forehead.
“Ngo Oi nah, Sai Fong” (I love you, Sai Fong) he murmured.
Sai, with tears coursing down her cheeks, replied “Wo ai wo di Baba!” (I love you dad)
Dad wiped her tears away, kissed her forehead again, and gently tweaked her cheek, making her smile through her tears.
Dad stood up and looked at me.
“Harry, what are your intentions towards my daughter?” he asked formally, and I replied as formally as I knew how.
“Sir, I am in love with your daughter, Sai Fong, and with your permission, I would ask that you grant me her hand in marriage.”
Sai looked on as dad turned to her, smiled, and then turned back to me.
“I can’t say that this is how I hoped things would turn out, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have my suspicions, and for quite a while now. Harry, you’re not a very good or convincing liar, you were born honest, it’s one of the things I admire most about you. I saw the look on your face every time you looked at Sai Fong. I also saw the way she looked at you when you weren’t looking. So yes, this is not what I wanted, but I think I knew deep down it would eventually happen, sooner or later.
All trace of humour disappeared from his face, and he looked solemn, almost forbidding.
“You know it’s going to be tough sledding down the road, don’t you? Both of you are going to have to be strong for each other, and you’re going to have to give each other your total commitment; it’s the only way this can work. You are my children, and I love you both dearly, and I wish to God I could wave a magic wand and clear the way for you both forever; I can’t, so you have to love each other enough to do this. It will be hard enough being together as man and wife, or whatever, but being brother and sister as well, that’s going to complicate life for you in ways I can’t even imagine. You need to be absolutely sure you want this. They say love will find a way, I sincerely hope that’s true. I’ll do all I can for you, but you’re also going to have to fight to keep this together, keep your secrets. All I ever wanted was for my children to be happy, for my daughter to find a man she loves and who loves her back. Her happiness is very important to me Harry, do you understand me? And you, Harry, are you sure this is what you want? Because all I want for you is that you be happy too!”
I spoke up. “Sir, Sai Fong and I love each other, and we’re strong enough together to keep together whatever happens. We’ve committed totally to each other, I will always love her, and make her happy every day of her life, she’s all I ever wanted, and the only woman I will ever want. I promise you, we will make this work!”
Dad nodded, and held out his hand.
“Then, sir, as i have your promise that you will do your best for my daughter, I have no objections to you marrying my daughter; if she’ll have you, that is!” he smiled, eyes twinkling. “And now, can the father of the bride have a kiss please!”
Sai laughed and hugged him, and dad pulled me in to embrace me as well. Then he held Sai back to look at her.
“And you miss, you can put that engagement ring back on the right finger now!”
Sai gaped at him, grinned, and swapped my grandmother’s engagement ring back to her left hand.
We talked a while longer, giving him an outline of what we planned, dad extracting a promise that we would hold off on marriage or children until Sai had graduated. We agreed, we had neither the resources nor the inclination to be parents just yet, so it was an easy promise to give.