Joel didn’t want to stall anymore, especially since he could feel the distance Rina had been trying to put in place since the fashion show. He felt it in the smallest of things, like how she refrained from telling him where she lived now that her cottage was not in the best shape for habitation, or how he never took her home again since the first time.
Although she still smiled at him each time they saw, their hugs were more formal, and never lasted long. It was as if she was deliberately trying to put up walls around herself. It was either that or her subtle way of saying goodbye. And Joel wanted neither.
“Do you remember the first day we met?’ he started, as their table got cleared of the second course, and their dessert of ice cream and cake arrived. Rina took a spoonful of her preferred chocolate flavor and closed her eyes as it melted on her tongue. She loved the tinge of bitterness that hid in its taste, and how it remained at the back of her throat. Weird as it sounded, since Rina was a kid, she loved to remind herself with every spoon that life was just that way a beautiful blend of sweet and bitter.
“I do.” Rina nodded, opening her eyes. “It was after the panel session. You saved me from Kayla’s vicious claws. Did I ever thank you for that?”
“You certainly uttered some words,” Joel chuckled. “I don’t know if they qualify as appreciation but they sure made my heart flutter.” Although he said it as casually as one would do when talking about their preferred soccer team, Rina knew it was his own way of hinting where the conversation was headed. She liked Joel for that. He gave her enough room to make her decisions.
That was him warning her that if she didn’t want to hear it, she could change the topic. But Rina knew the conversation must be had if they were to move from this.
“I’m afraid my greatest forte isn’t appreciation, especially to my boss. I prefer some stamping, loud noise-making, and of course, warning him about getting takeouts for me instead of cooking in his home.”
“You have to admit that my meals do taste nice,” he said, grinning.
Rina rolled her eyes. “Did I ever tell you that you have a bit of pride in you? You did well, but I definitely have tasted better.” It was an odd moment to make a comparison, but Rina couldn’t help but think about another person she thought wore pride in himself like an extra garment to protect him from the cold. And she had to admit that he wore it damn well.
Joel bit his lips and looked up at her with amusement in his eyes, the halo created by the lights messing with the color. Angling his head, he retrieved his spoon and dipped it into his bowl of ice cream, not taking his eyes off Rina as he brought the spoon to his lips and then licked the dripping liquid.
“Well, I hope my cooking is enough for you to hold on to because I’m about to say something you might get angry at.”
“I’m in such a great mood that nothing you say can get me angry, but let’s hear it.”
“I lied that day.”
“What?”
“I acted like it was my first time personally meeting you. Actually, it was, but I…I…okay. Joel, breathe. She’s just a really hot model and actress. How bad could this go?”
Rina shook her head as her white teeth flashed in the dim lights.
“I had this huge crush on you even before I left the country to study fashion,” he started. “I used to see you on my screen all the time, and even modeled beside you once. You never noticed me because … well, I don’t know. It was shortly before you got married. I was stumped when I heard the news. It was one of the reasons I moved abroad as well. And then I heard you retired. Honestly, I blamed Finn for your retirement. I thought you were such a diamond, that even though you needed to focus on your family, he should have talked you into working out a flexible schedule rather than outrightly retiring. I thought I would never have a chance.”
Rina dropped her spoon into the bowl, waiting patiently for Joel to say everything he wanted to. It was the least she could do since he had been so nice to her.
“When the rumors started, I tried to find you, Rina. I spoke to Kayla and she said she was looking for you as well. But I never saw her make any move. That day at the panel session was the last place I expected to see you. But you were there, shining bright like always, despite the weight on your shoulders. I knew that if I wanted to still see you around, I had to do something about it.”
“So you offered me a job,” Rina said softly, no accusation in her tone.
“Also because you are damn good at what you do,” Joel added. “And you brought life into the vision I had for O. S. N. But beyond that, Rina…” He reached out for her hands on the table and took them into his. “I watched my crush develop into something much more. I … It’s something I can’t explain but… I am in love with you, Rina. I don’t know when it exactly grew into that, but I love you, and I wanted to let you know.”
Rina took a deep breath, and retrieved her hands slowly, placing them on her lap. Hurt flashed through Joel’s eyes, and a painful smile stretched across his face.
Nodding, he looked away for a second. “You don’t love me. I knew that all along. I just thought I could…”
“Joel, I’m really grateful for everything that you’ve done for me, but you’re right. I’ve never thought about you in that light.”