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ROWAN
“Tell me the truth, Rowan. Nothing but the truth. Were you… were you assaulted?”
He really hit the nail on the head with that one.
“Why? Does it matter now?”
“Of course it does! Damn it Rowan,” he says as he gets to his feet. “Just tell me the truth. Will you?!”
“yes. Yes I was. Happy now?!” I snap back as I get to my feet. “Is that what you wanted to know? Yes, I was raped!”
“Who?”
“Louis…”
“Who was it?”
I stare into his eyes, trying to cow him into giving up, but he doesn’t.
He meets my glare head on, not wavering, not blinking.
Insistent.
Daring.
Demanding.
Any other person, and I would have them thrown out of my office.
But I can’t seem to do that with him.
When did he get under my skin?
When did I begin to accept his presence by my side?
To crave it?
“It was a man from my pack,” I finally answer, giving in as I look away. “And don’t even bother asking for a name, I won’t tell you. He is dead to me. And I would very much like to move on.”
“Is he Jhenelle’s father?” He asks after a beat.
“Yes.”
He is silent after that.
I can see him thinking through the information, what for?
I cannot tell you.
But he is thinking and watching me.
“What?” I ask finally. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Have you told anyone about this? About Jhenelle?” He asks as he finally takes his seat.
“Only Lisa and Rina, no one else. Why?”
“Can you tell me? The full story?”
“Why? What would it change?”
“For you, probably nothing. But it might shed some light and help me to understand you better. And I do want to understand you. I want to know everything that made you the woman that you are now. The good, the bad and the ugly. May I?”
His words catch me off guard.
It was … the last thing I expected him to say.
Most people will shy away from knowing more.
Or would have given up on chasing me.
Is… “us”for real? Does he really want me? Despite my baggage?
“Rowan?” His voice brings me out of my thoughts. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to?”
“No!” I say before taking a breath. “I mean, no, I want to. Just give me a moment.”
“Take your time,” he says as he settles into the chair.
I won’t lie, I do take my time.
I am about to recount one of the worst things that has happened to me, I need time.
“He… he was… is of high status in the pack, as far as I have heard. My parents were dead and I… his parents had me moved to their home to stay with them. He didn’t like it. And he showed it.”
“What happened then?”
“I… he… one night. He came home drunk, and angry. And he saw me and his anger got worse. I couldn’t… I couldn’t fight him off. I didn’t have my wolf then a d even if I did, I don’t think I would have been able to get away. He was strong. Trained. I…”
“It’s okay,” he says as he reaches over to take my hands, his gray eyes staring intently into mine. “You don’t have to continue. I mean it.”
“Hmm.”
“Did he know? About Jhenelle?” he asks.
“No, I… I left before I even found out I was pregnant,” I answer grateful that I don’t have to continue recounting that horrible event.
“You left? On your own?”
“Well, I was planning on leaving anyway, so yeah, I did.”
“What really happened, Rowan?”
“His mother found out what he did. She had treated and loved me as her daughter and hence, she was appalled by what he had done. She ordered that he marry me. I didn’t want that, and neither did he. I already made my plans to escape but he beat me to it. He and some of his friends ganged up against me, had me poisoned, beat me up and then threw me off the cliff. Rina and Lisa found me floating in the river and the rest is history.”
He doesn’t say anything after that. Instead, he turns his head downwards as he thinks, hiding his face from me.
“What are you thinking?” I ask, curiously
“I … I understand why you are wary of me. I just don’t know… I don’t understand why that made you hate the idea of mates.”
Ah, that.
I had deliberately kept the part about Dominic being my mate because I never saw him as one.
I still don’t.
I don’t believe that the goddess would be so cruel to pair me with that monster.
And yet… How do I explain that he is the reason I am wary?
That having a mate does not in my book guarantee being loved and cherished.
It is just a cham that most people accept because they are expected to.
“He had a mate,” I say instead.
“What?”
“The man had a mate. And yet he did that… he disrespected that bond. If he can do that, what is to guarantee others won’t.”
There
That is not a lie.
I just didn’t say I was the mate he disrespected.
“Not all men are like that, Rowan,” he says quietly.
Sometime in our conversation, the space between us had reduced and we are now sitting side by side, which means I can see the insides of his eyes, the tiny flecks that move with emotion.
“I know that,” I whisper. “In theory, I understand that but it is the practice I have a problem with.”
“Well, I feel the best way to overcome your fears is by facing them head on,” he says as he leans closer. “Do you want to face them, Rowan?”
“I… I think I do.”
And without a second’s hesitation, he leans over and kisses me.