Lienna.
Days passed, and the shifter kings’ preparations for war reached their climax. The camp buzzed with anticipation as Adonis and Caspian readied to lead the soldiers to battle. Hermes would remain behind, training the reserve forces and safeguarding the camp.
My brief training with Caspian had ended, and I’d been assigned a new role in the camp: assisting the healers in the infirmary. I’d spent the last few days scrubbing massive pots and hauling water from a nearby spring. Though the work was tasking, it distracted me from the gnawing worry in my heart.
The day of departure arrived, and the camp transformed into a sea of armored soldiers, their polished surfaces reflecting the sunlight like a thousand tiny mirrors. Caspian and Adonis sat astride their horses, faces set in grim determination as they surveyed the assembled troops.
I stood off to the side, my heart pounding in my chest, as they bellowed orders, organizing their forces into formation. The air vibrated with tension, the weight of impending battle hanging heavy.
As the soldiers fell into line, Caspian and Adonis glanced in my direction. For an instant, our eyes locked, and I felt an overwhelming urge to rush to them, to speak words of encouragement or perhaps farewell.
My breath caught in my throat. I balled my hands into fists, nails digging into my palms, and remained rooted to the spot. I couldn’t burden them with my emotions, not now, when their focus needed to be on the battle ahead.
They are promptly looked away and I let out the breath I was holding, tears stinging my eyes. Hermes was standing next to me, his presence a comforting warmth but he didn’t say anything while I kept my gaze trained ahead.
Adonis raised his hand, and the soldiers fell silent. “For our people, for our land!” he shouted, his voice carrying across the camp.
The troops echoed his cry, their voices thundering through the valley. Caspian spurred his horse forward, Adonis following, and the army began its march toward the battleground.
I watched them disappear into the horizon, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill. There was nothing I could do now but pray for their safety on the battleground, while I contributed my part here.
“Don’t worry, they’ll be fine,” Hermes said beside me, his voice soft.
I snapped my head to look at him, his concerned expression a mirror of my own fears. “I sure hope so,” I muttered, my voice barely audible.
The camp, once bustling with activity, now felt eerily empty. Only a handful of soldiers and sentries remained, their movements subdued. It was only a matter of time before the casualties from war began to roll in.
The thought sent a shudder down my spine. Excusing myself from Hermes’s presence, I walked toward the infirmary tents, seeking solace in work.
As usual, the healers had a list of chores prepared. Receiving my orders, I picked up a bowl and headed to fetch water from the nearby spring. The familiar routine provided a welcome distraction.
By dusk, I’d moved on to serving meals to the remaining soldiers. Their weary faces and quiet conversations only heightened my anxiety. After eating my own meal, I retired to my cot, exhausted but unable to sleep.
Tossing and turning, my mind conjured worst-case scenarios. Nightmares filled my sleep, and I only found fleeting rest in the wee hours of the morning.
Hermes, too, had immersed himself in his duties. Besides keeping watch over the camp, he trained the sentries, preparing them for potential reinforcements.
The same routine repeated itself for the next two days. I busied myself gathering firewood and filling massive tubs with water, my hands raw but my mind occupied.
But on the third day, the tranquility shattered. The sound of approaching horses and groans of pain signaled the arrival of the war’s first casualties.
My heart sank as I rushed to the infirmary, joining the healers in preparing for the influx of wounded soldiers. The scent of blood and sweat hung heavy in the air, and my stomach twisted in nausea, my mind growing faint.
Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself and walked into the tent, but nothing could have prepared me for the gruesome sight before me. The cries of agony were deafening, the wounded soldiers’ conditions horrifying.
Broken bones jutted out from twisted limbs, muscles torn asunder. Blood flowed freely from open wounds, pooling on the ground. Others bore blackened wounds that oozed dark energy, a sign that Veronica had attacked them.
Though I’d expected the worst, the reality shattered my composure. Weak in the knees, I stumbled out of the tent, barely hearing the healers’ calls as they called me back.
My mind reeled, vision blurring. I ran, unaware of my surroundings, driven solely by the desperate need to escape. My breath came in ragged gasps, and I leaned against a tree trunk, retching until my stomach was empty. Dry heaves wracked my body, shaking me to the core.
Trembling hands wiped away tears as more poured out. The smell of blood clung to my nose, refusing to let go. The images of mangled bodies haunted my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to shut it out.
Breaking down, I sank to my knees, overcome with horror. This was my first taste of war, and I couldn’t handle it. The thought of months of this unrelenting carnage crushed me. I scrubbed away tears, but they flowed unabated. “I don’t think I can take it,” I whispered, voice shattered.
I don’t know for how long I sat there, crying my heart out until I heard hurried footsteps approaching me. “Lienna!” A voice I recognized to be Hermes called out. Unable to answer, I waited till he found me, looking at him with red rimmed eyes.
“Why did you run off like that!? I’ve been looking all over for you!” He rushed out as he walked towards me. He stiffened when he saw my trembling body, his expression of anger and displeasure dissolving to something I couldn’t quite decipher. Lowering himself till he was on eye level with me, he placed a hand on my shoulder.
I flinched, taking a while to register the touch as safe. A shadow crossed his eyes and I felt fresh tears beginning to fill my eyes. “I’m sorry,” He said, his voice soft but I just hiccuped crying all over again.
I turned to him, eyes streaming. “How can this be? So much suffering… How can we endure this for months?”
His expression mirrored my anguish. “We’ll get through this. It’s only for a while. I’m sorry you had to experience this.”
“I don’t think I can go back there. I can’t bear to see them in that state. I just can’t!” I cried even more and he pulled me into a hug, letting me cry into his chest.
“It’s okay. Let it out.” He whispered, gently running his hands through my hair. Once my sobbing had reduced to whimpering and sniffing, he pulled away to stare into my eyes.
“You can do it, Lienna. I know you can,” Hermes said, his voice gentle, coaxing. He held my tear-streaked cheeks, his thumbs tracing soothing patterns. “The first few days are just going to be incredibly hard, but you’ll pull through. Trust me, okay?”
I jerkily nodded, clinging to his words like a lifeline. A hint of a smile brushed his lips, and he wrapped his arms around me once more.
I used that chance to collect myself, my tears finally drying up. When he confirmed I was no longer crying, he pulled me to my feet.
“Ready to go back in?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.
I took a deep breath and nodded.
Hermes led me back to the infirmary, his supportive presence steadying my nerves. Outside the tent, he instructed a soldier to keep a close eye on me at all times, ensuring I didn’t overexert myself.
With a resolute breath, I stepped into the infirmary, steeling myself for the gruesome task ahead. My role was mostly to hand supplies to the healers or hold down wounded soldiers when necessary. Though it wasn’t glamorous, every task counted.
The hours blurred together in a haze of blood, sweat, and anguish. My stomach twisted into knots with each torturous cry, my nerves strung tight as a bowstring. Every wounded soldier’s face seemed etched in my mind, their pain seared into my soul.
By the time we’d treated the day’s casuqalties, I was numb, my fingers trembling with exhaustion. My clothes were stained with blood and sweat, the stench clinging to me like a shroud.
I couldn’t bear the thought of food, couldn’t muster the energy to change. Stumbling to my tent, I collapsed onto the ground, my mind strangely blank.
I’d survived today, but what about tomorrow? The thought echoed through my hollow mind like a haunting whisper. I shuddered at the thought, willing myself to be strong. Barely managing to peel off the blood-soaked clothes from my exhausted body, I changed into something cleaner and promptly fell asleep, too tired to even have nightmares.
By the next morning, another carriage of wounded men had rolled into the camp, their anguished cries echoing through the air. My stomach churned as I forced down a meager breakfast, the sounds of groaning soldiers and clanging medical instruments already echoing from the infirmary.
Rushing to assist, I was met with a fresh wave of atrocities. This time, most injuries bore Veronica’s dark signature blackened wounds, twisted limbs, and the stench of dark magic.
My distress worsened, knowing I could help, yet feeling helpless. I sought out Hermes to ask for permission to use the moon goddess powers for healing but he immediately forbade it.
“This is war, Lienna. You must always remember to put yourself first. Just because you can save anyone doesn’t mean you should save everyone,” he said, his voice firm.
“But…” I protested, only to be cut off.
“There would be no buts. What you’re doing is enough. The healers are doing what they can, and you’re assisting. No need to put your life on the line as well. I can’t allow that.” He stated, his voice allowing no room for argument.
I left his side, dejected and defeated. Is this how it’s going to be for the next few months? Would I be able to handle it? I’m sure I’m going to be have nightmares from this day alone and this is just the beginning.
That night, when I retired to my tent, Hermes came to see me. Crouching at the entrance, he looked at me, a hint of cocern in his eyes. “Are you alright?” He asked but I just gave him the cold shoulder, not wanting to talk to him.
“I asked a question, lienna.”
“I’m fine.” I muttered, my voice.
“Is this because I refused to let you help? ” He asked and I let out a sigh, fiddling with my fingers.
“As much as I understand your intentions, you need to know it’s not possible.”
“But, why!?” I burst out, exasperated. “So many men died today and I could have helped them if you’d just let me.”
“You’re not just here for that, lienna. You’re here for something bigger. You’re here with the one thing we can use to win this war. Your time will come, it’s not just now.” He said and j let out a shuddering breath, feeling tears sting my eyes.
“I just feel so useless… So many people are in pain and I can’t do anything… ” I began, my voice trembling.
“You’re not useless. Stop thinking so hard, come let me tuck you in.” He said, moving into the tent and help me to my cot. I could barely refuse so I just let him do what he wants.
Running his knuckle down my chin, he let out a tiny. “Get your rest. Tomorrow will sort out itself. Okay?”
“Okay.” I muttered, my voice feeble.
“Have a good night, lienna.” He said as he was about to leave.
“You too, Hermes.” I whispered, my eyes shutting close. I heard his footsteps recede and I opened my eyes, staring up at my tent.
I don’t think I would be getting any sleep tonight.