“She’s gone, Ma, all the plans we made, all the children we were going to have, the life we were going to live, they’re all gone as well. How can I live when the only life I ever wanted is gone forever? I dream about her, Ma, and I dream about the kids we’ll never have, and the places we’ll never go, and I wake up and it’s just me and junior alone in an empty house; everyone else we were supposed to have with us, they’re all gone, they’ll never be here, and we’ll always be alone. How is that right, Ma?”
Sarah’s heart broke for the loss and pain in her son’s voice, in his eyes, in his defeated posture, and she pulled him close, tears on her cheeks as the depth and intensity of his loss and grief hit her again.
“Let it go, baby, you have to; that little boy needs his daddy!” she murmured, and felt him stiffen.
“He needs his mom, and she’s gone, and I can’t… I can’t do this without her…!” he stuttered, “Mom, she’s gone, and I’m alone, and I need her so bad…!”
Joey’s words ended in a sob as he broke down, all the pain and loss and fear finally breaking out of him. Sarah hugged him tight as he cried silently against her, weeks of bottling it all up inside him finally taking its toll.
Sarah rocked him as she had when he was small, comforting her son as best she could, a little frightened at his outpouring of grief, but instinctively recognizing it as the best thing for him right now.
“You’re not alone baby. You have me, you have Robbie and Casey, there’s Steve and Elio, but most of all there’s that little boy in there, and he still needs his daddy.”
Out in the hall, there came a light tapping on the front door, and Steve went to open it. Robbie and Casey slipped inside with quick questioning looks at him. Steve bit his lip and gently shook his head, squeezing Casey’s hand at the look of alarm on her face. Robbie grimaced, as though psyching himself up for an unpleasant task, then nodded resolutely at Steve.
“Let me go talk to him, Steve; I know what he needs right now.”
Steve shrugged and nodded in the direction of the sitting room.
“At this point I’m ready to try anything, Rob; Joey’s a mess and Sarah’s really scared; hell, even Caitlin knows something’s badly wrong with her brother; if you think you can get through to him…”
Robbie grinned.
“‘Course I can, he’s my brother; I know what makes him tick. Just leave this to me… and keep mom out!”
As he went to open the door, Casey put her hand on his arm, concern for her oldest brother plainly written on her face. Robbie looked at her questioningly.
“Baby, I know what you’re going to have to do; just go easy on him, please?” she murmured, and Robbie smiled back at her worried expression.
“Always, baby. Don’t worry about Joey, I know him, he’ll listen to what I have to say.”
Sarah looked up at Robbie as he slipped into the room, her face lined and scared, her eyes two pits of fear and sorrow for her son.
“Mom, can you leave us alone please?” he murmured.
Sarah glanced at Joey, once again sunk in apathy now that the spasm of grief had passed, and nodded, unable to discern if she’d even gotten through to him. She patted his arm and smoothed his hair away from his forehead, a gesture that had always irritated him, but now he ignored it, staring listlessly ahead.
“Help him Robbie, do something, please!” she murmured urgently, “he needs you more than ever now, help your brother, please!”
Robbie held her briefly.
“Don’t worry Mom; I think I know what to do; just leave us alone, okay? I’ve got some things to say that you don’t want to hear, and I don’t think you want to be here for that!”
Sarah nodded. She knew how much Robbie loved and idolized his big brother; she knew with an iron-clad certainty that he could never hurt him, but she was intrigued nevertheless.
“I’d like to stay, baby, I promise, not a word!” as Robbie opened his mouth to object. Robbie shook his head.
“No, Mom, we’ve got to do this alone, just Joey and me; just leave us alone for a few minutes, please. I got this, I swear!”
Sarah looked doubtful, but ultimately her trust in Robbie asserted itself.
“Okay, you do what you have to do for your brother; just don’t hurt him, baby, he’s been through enough already!”
Robbie grinned at her.
“As if I would! Now, please…” he nodded meaningfully at the door, and waited until she’d slipped out and closed the door behind her before he sat on the couch next to Joey and nudged him.
“So this is where you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself! I knew you were a fucking meathead, but a cry-baby as well? I ought to drag you outside and beat the man back into you; you’re a disgrace, snivelling like a little girl in here. What the fuck is your major malfunction?”
Joey slowly swivelled to look directly at hm.
“What the hell did you just say?” he asked, animation in his voice and expression for the first time in who knew how long.
“You heard me; I called you a snivelling meathead! What are you going to do about it?” sneered Robbie, watching Joey’s face carefully as the jibe sank in.
Joey looked at him in shock.
“Rob, what’s got into you? You can’t talk to me like that!”
Robbie sneered at him again, a lip-curl of derision.
“No-one else in here crying like a girl! What the hell would Karen think of you if she saw you right now? I know what she’d say; she’d say you were fucking pathetic, that’s what! What’s the matter, Joey, cat got your balls?”
A flush crept up Joey’s face as his fists clenched.
“How fucking dare you say her name! You’re not fit to say her name out loud! You better get out before I forget you’re my brother and kick your ass!”
Robbie looked him up and down, and grinned tauntingly at him.
“How you gonna do that, Joey? Gonna cry at me some more? Gonna blubber about how lonely you are? News Flash; we fucking know, so what? What the fuck makes you think I give a shit for a sorry-ass, cry-baby quitter like you? Act like a man, fuck-tard, or have you forgotten how to be one?”
With a low, feral growl Joey launched himself at Robbie, hands reaching for his throat as his face twisted into a mask of rage. This was what Robbie’d been waiting for. As Joey crashed into him, he leaned aside, the two of them landing on the carpet where they rolled back and forth, Joey trying to hit, choke, punch, slap, anything to make Robbie take back those things he’d said.
Robbie easily dodged Joey’s rage-blinded attempts to hit him, and so they rolled back and forth on the carpet, Joey trying to gain the upper hand, his fists crashing against Robbie’s biceps and forearms as he tried in vain to land one telling punch, something to hurt Robbie and make him pay for what he’d said.
Robbie’s solid, powerful arms formed an impenetrable barrier, raising Joey’s fury to new heights as he forgot everything he and Robbie had ever been to each other; all he wanted to do was smash that grinning face, to hurt him for saying those things, to pound him senseless for daring to speak to him like that. Robbie’s taunting grin ensured Joey kept up his furious attacks, his rage powering his fists as they battered repeatedly against his younger brother, trying to find a way through.
At last, though, the fires of rage burned out, and Joey slumped forward, too tired to even raise his fists again. He rolled onto his back, lying passively next to Robbie on the floor, his chest heaving and his breath hissing in the sudden silence of the room.
Sarah had heard the ruckus inside, and realised that, for the first time in their lives, her boys were fighting; no matter what she’d promised Robbie, she had to put a stop to this. As she tried to open the door, Steve and Casey both pulled her back, Steve blocking her way as she tried to push past him.
“No Sarah!” he hissed. “Leave them be, they’ve got to work this out themselves; no, leave it!”
They listened in silence until the sounds of scuffling died away. Sarah looked at Steve and raised an eyebrow in query. He grinned and took her hand.
“Give them a few more minutes, babe, then you go on in. I think it’s just about over now.”
Back in the sitting room the two brothers lay silently side by side on the floor, Joey’s eyes closed as he fought to regain his breath, his heaving chest finally slowing to something approaching normal. Robbie had been waiting for that, and nudged him as he grinned up at the ceiling.
“You done now, meathead? You ready to talk?” he asked, and smiled as Joey nudged him back harder.
“Just lemme get my breath, and I’ll show you who’s done, you butthead geek!” Joey retorted, a faint smile twitching his lips. A shadow fell on them and they both looked up to see Sarah standing over them.
“I may not know exactly what happened in here, but I know what I heard, and I never want to hear anything like that again! That goes for both of you! Now what the hell just happened in here?”