After tragedy and loss, Joey goes home, and meets a girl…
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The handful of dry soil rattled on the casket lid, a soft sound suddenly loud in the complete silence. Joey backed away and stood again between Robbie and Casey as, one by one, everyone else gathered around the grave followed suit. His eyes were hooded, distant, as the unreality of the whole situation once again threatened to overwhelm him.
A week ago she’d been shopping in Oakland with Casey, after leaving Joe Junior and young Robbie safely tucked away with Frank and Kat in Morgan Hill, promising to pick up a pizza on her way home. Now this was all that was left of her, a headstone and an open grave, disguised with artificial grass, in Colma, the Bay Area cemetery city. Joey looked over the heads of the gathered mourners, catching sight of the digger parked discreetly out of sight behind some trees, waiting for them to leave so her grave could be filled, underlining the fact of her death, the final act in her tragically short life.
It had all happened so fast; the guy had been driving well, safely under the limit, no drugs or alcohol in his system; how was he to know the union seal on the brake line had failed, and all his brake fluid had been dripping steadily as he drove, air bubbles forming inside the brake line? He’d not even noticed his brake warning light until too late, and when he’d tried to brake at the crosswalk, his spongy brake pedal hit the floor uselessly, his brakes dead.
He’d careened straight through, unable to stop, plowing into the knot of pedestrians on the crosswalk, finally crashing into the side of the cement truck crossing the intersection, to die impaled on the steering column. There had been several injuries among the people on the crosswalk, some serious, but only one fatality: Karen. Casey had just stepped onto the sidewalk, and was looking back to say something to her, not two feet away, when the old Dodge Shadow slammed into Karen, killing her instantly.
Joey stood numbly through the rest of the graveside rituals, accepting the murmured condolences without really seeing who was offering them as people slowly drifted away until only family remained: Robbie and Casey, her hands clasped around her swollen abdomen, with Roisian Dolan, theirs and Joey’s grandmother; Sarah and Steve with 2-year old Caitlin, Joey’s half sister, Sarah outwardly calm and composed, but shrieking with grief inside at the hurt done to her boy. Elio and Angie were also there, friends and family both, with their baby daughter Sally, and of course, Frank, Kat, and both their girls, Moira and Morag, their eyes swollen and red with grief at Joey’s loss, and theirs too.
Everyone else withdrew from the graveside, to leave Joey alone to say his last words to his beloved wife, best friend, school-friend, and only-ever girlfriend. The rest of the family waited back at the cars, Casey gently bouncing eight-month old Joe Jr. to try and settle him; even the baby seemed to know that everything had gone wrong in their world, and Casey wasn’t having much success in calming him.
Joey finally slipped his sunglasses on against the blazing sunshine and walked slowly back to the family, smiling bleakly at Casey before taking the baby from her. Junior immediately settled down, content to be in his father’s arms again, but his eyes still searched the familiar faces for the one face he’d never see again.
“Just you and me now, little man,” murmured Joey. “Mommy had to go away; she didn’t want to, but she had to, so it’s just you and me now, okay?”
Casey listened to her eldest brother talk half to himself as he patted the infant, tears rolling down her cheeks for his loss, and for the loss to all of them. Karen had been one of the first people to welcome her into their family circle, and had been her closest friend and confidante, and Casey was still numbly trying to come to terms with her sudden, shocking loss.
The family congregated at Joey’s townhouse on Southgate in Daly City, together with Karen’s younger sister and her aunt, the only family she had left, to talk, be together, and stay with their son, brother and nephew for as long as he needed them.
It was Robbie who first started talking about Karen, reminiscing about their days in school, how she and Joey had seen each other the first day of 8th Grade, when she was newly-arrived in town from San Diego, and how they had been together ever since; he talked about how she’d become like a sister to him, the way she’d adopted him and defended him as fiercely as did Joey.
Gradually other family members joined in, sharing their own memories of Karen, remembering her to everyone else, making sure their memories of her remained keen and sharp. Joey held his son and said nothing, preferring to keep his memories to himself.
*
The following day, Robbie and Casey attended another funeral; that of the innocent man who’d also lost his life that terrible day. They went with Joey and Sarah’s full knowledge, to acknowledge that their family didn’t blame him for what had happened, that he was also a victim of the same mix of circumstance and fate. The sight of his young wife and two small children was almost too much for Casey, but she still found the strength to lay a single white rose on his casket, letting him know that he’d done no wrong in their eyes, and he wasn’t to blame for what had happened.
*
Life gradually levelled-off into a kind of normal for Joey as the weeks passed; GameStx had engaged a live-in house-keeper/childminder to assist him with this new phase of his life as a single-parent, and Mrs. Carrillo did indeed make a huge difference to his life. He’d initially considered requesting that he be placed on a part-time contract to enable him to work and care for Joe Jr, but Steve and Elio Vargas had both vetoed the idea; Joey was family, and too valuable to the company to allow him to drift away from them like that.
Instead, they arranged for childcare round the clock rather than lose him. In addition, Casey and Robbie were only five minutes away, so most of the day little Joe was under Casey’s watchful eye along with Robbie Jr.
Joey seemed to be happy with that arrangement. During the day Joe Jr. had Casey as a reasonable substitute mom. Joey played with his son in the evening and gave him his evening bottle, and Mrs. Carrillo took care of the night-time feeding and changing, leaving Joey free to continue to develop and grow with GameStx.
But it still wasn’t the same for him; it never could be. Coming home every evening was a heart-wrenching, soul-numbing experience. Walking in the door of the house he and Karen had fallen in love with, with the tubs of flowers she’d planted and so carefully nurtured, the subtle hint of her perfume on his suit jacket lapels, and the faint lingering traces of her hairspray and her floral body lotion every time he opened a closet door, all these were taking their toll on him.
Sarah watched helplessly as Joey grieved in silence, never revealing his pain and loss, his need to scream and rant at the universe for being so unjust, for taking away the one thing in the world he wanted and needed more than anything. His pain was her pain, and yet there was nothing she could do.
As the weeks passed, he’d gradually stopped seeing Robbie and Casey, the excuses becoming flimsier and flimsier, until he’d stopped even pretending; their happiness was a stark reminder of what he’d lost, and he was avoiding them. Even more troubling, he was becoming more and more disconnected from his little son as his grief intensified and spiralled down into depression.
Mrs. Carrillo had children Joey’s age, and she watched helplessly as he slowly, relentlessly fragmented, her motherly concerns mounting daily as Joey became ever more distant and disconnected even from his son. Mrs. Carrillo finally decided that Joey’s family needed to know what was going on with him, and voiced her concerns to Casey, who had more than a few concerns of her own regarding her oldest brother.
Mrs. Carrillo told her how Joey had stopped even pretending to care about Joe Jr; how he came in from the office and went into his room, and that was the last she’d see of him for the evening; in the morning his car would be gone, and where once he’d called every hour or so to check on Joe, that had now ceased altogether, and there would be silence from him, nothing except a murmured ‘Good evening, Mrs. Carrillo’ as he came in the door before he once again locked himself away in his bedroom.
Even the birth of Casey and Robbie’s daughter, Roisian, failed to stir him from his apathy.
Eventually, Sarah and Robbie decided this had gone on long enough; Joey needed his family, he needed his mom, he needed to find his way back to everyone who loved him, but most of all, he needed to find his way back to his son.
The following morning, as he opened the front door to leave for work, Sarah and Steve, his mother and step-father, were waiting for him. He stared listlessly at them, wondering distractedly what they wanted at such an early hour.
“Joey, we need to talk; we all need to talk. Forget about work right now. This is important.”
So saying, Sarah took him gently but firmly by the arm and piloted him back through the house, Joey unresisting as she led him into the living room and sat him down, her arm still linked in his.
“Baby, this can’t go on. Your son needs you, we all need you. I know how you feel; I went through this as well; your father meant the whole world to me, and when I lost him, I honestly thought my world had ended. It hadn’t; I still had you. Now you have that little boy asleep in there, and he needs you more than ever; he’s nearly a year old, baby, and he needs you to be his world now. I feel so bad for you baby, but truly, if you let it, this too will pass, I promise you.”
Joey looked into her eyes for the first time.