She didn’t answer right away. Instead, she finished pouring the drink and then looked at me with pain in her eyes.
“I don’t know,” she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. “Maybe. Everything’s just… a mess right now.”
“Sydney…” I started, but she quickly shook her head, cutting me off.
“Don’t,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I wanted to push, to get her to open up, but the look in her eyes stopped me. It was a look full of pain, confusion, and a desperate need to hold it all together.
I nodded, taking the glass she handed me. “Okay, we don’t have to talk about it,” I said quietly.
A few minutes passed in silence before Sydney suddenly gulped down her drink in one go.
“Sydney!” I shouted, alarmed. “You’re going to hurt yourself!”
She stared at me, her eyes glistening with tears on the verge of spilling over. “I don’t know anymore,” she choked out, her voice breaking. “I just don’t know.”
The tears began streaming down her face, and my heart broke for her.
I panicked inside, wondering how I could console her. I’m not good with emotions, and I didn’t know what to say.
She quickly wiped her tears with the back of her hand, forcing a weak smile. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess. I shouldn’t be doing this. Oh my, I’m so embarrassed right now,” she mumbled, standing up from the floor to sit on the couch, but I noticed she staggered a bit.
“Don’t be, Sydney,” I reassured her. “We all have vulnerable moments.”
I looked at her cautiously and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
She turned her face away, shaking her head. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t want to,” she said quietly.
I watched Sydney, her eyes red from crying. Her attempt to smile through the pain only made my heart ache more.
What am I supposed to do? I thought. I wasn’t good at this-emotional support wasn’t my strong suit. I could fix a car, or solve a problem, but this? I felt completely lost.
Sydney let out a laugh that didn’t reach her eyes. “He’s your brother. Gosh, I’m going to gun you down if you ever joke about this later on.”
I hesitated before finally asking the question I’d been holding back. “I know you feel something for Mason. Why are you fighting it?”
Sydney’s laugh faded, and she looked away, her shoulders slumping. For a moment, she didn’t say anything.
“I don’t know,” she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s complicated. I don’t want to make things worse.”
I could see the struggle in her eyes. “How could it get worse?” I asked gently. “Mason cares about you. It’s clear. And you’re hurting yourself by pushing him away.”
Sydney shook her head slowly. “It’s not just about us. It’s everything else. I’m not sure I can handle any more confusion right now.”
I took a deep breath, trying to understand her better. “But what about what you want? Isn’t that important, too?”
Sydney looked at me, her eyes full of doubt. “I want to be with him, but there are so many things at stake,” she said quietly.
She raised her head, seeming to struggle with her feelings. “Ethan, I don’t know why I’m fighting this. I guess the people I’ve seen who believed so much in love, didn’t end well for them. So, I’ve decided to forget about love and not believe it exists.”
Her response took me by surprise. I searched for the right words, knowing the alcohol had made her more open than usual. Sydney and I had never talked like this before, even though we shared the same circle of friends.
“What if he stops liking me? What if he finds someone new and leaves me heartbroken after I’ve given my all?” she asked, her voice trembling.
She continued, “What if he wakes up one day and says he doesn’t want me anymore? Look at my mom. She loved my dad so much, and they ended up divorced. Then, after many years, my dad tried to win her back.”
“You know how many nights she cried herself to sleep because of love? And look at Nadine-she’s been hurt twice by love. She believed in fairy-tale romance, and it led her to pain, betrayal, manipulation, and now she’s pregnant and angry.”
I sat up, realizing she had just shared why Nadine had built such a high wall around her emotions.
“No, Ethan, I’m not ready to go through that path,” Sydney said, shaking her head. She took another gulp from her glass, trying to drown her feelings.
Seeing the pain in Sydney’s eyes made my heart ache. It was clear she was scared of facing more heartbreak, and it was keeping her from going after what she wanted.
I grabbed the bottle, poured some into my glass, and drank it down to numb the ache I felt from hearing about Nadine’s struggles with love.
Then it hit me-at the party, when she refused the beer, it was because she knew she was pregnant. That must have been why she moved from New York and why she seemed so afraid.
Frustrated by the unanswered questions, I ran my hand through my hair. I needed to understand, but Sydney was fast asleep.
I looked at Sydney, knowing she would feel awful when she woke up. Gently, I moved her to the couch, hoping she’d be more comfortable.
I looked at Sydney one last time, then decided not to head back to Nadine’s room with the little information I had. Instead, I made my way out of the mansion and down the street to catch a cab.
I was lucky to find one quickly. I hopped in and headed home, already feeling drowsy. The cab driver woke me up as we arrived at my place.
“Thanks,” I said, as the elderly man smiled at me. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so well-known; it’s awkward having to give cab drivers my address because they recognize me.
When I walked into the house, I saw Mason staring into space. I approached him quietly, not wanting to startle him. But he heard me and turned around. I was surprised to see him drinking, which was unusual for him.
I could tell something was off, just like it was with Sydney. I could tell that everyone was struggling with their demons.
I took a deep breath and walked over to him. “Hey, Mason,” I said softly, trying to gauge his mood. “Everything okay?”
He glanced at me with a distant look in his eyes. “Just needed a drink,” he muttered, sounding more tired than usual.
“Mason, what’s wrong?” I asked, concerned. He just stared into space. “Is it about Sydney?” I added.
He looked at me sharply, and I saw him trying to hold back tears. Slowly, he nodded.
Mason’s eyes were full of pain as he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “I just don’t know what to do,” he said quietly. “She’s pushing me away, and I don’t understand why.”
I sighed, trying to offer some comfort. “Sometimes people need space to work through their feelings. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. It’s just hard for her right now.”
I added, “She feels the same way about you. But you need to give her time.”
Mason frowned, clearly confused by my words. I nodded, giving him a reassuring pat on the back. Then I walked away, needing to sort out my own troubled heart.