Because I had gone to bed early, I awoke early as well. It seemed to be the wee hours of the morning. I had no idea what time Gio and I had finished last night. I couldn’t even remember if we had eaten dinner.
I noticed I was already dressed, with no undergarments, just a plain t-shirt. I immediately knew that Gio had cleaned and dressed me after all that we had done. Gio and his aftercare.
I shifted and felt the weight of his arm draped across my abdomen. I was relieved to realize he had no injuries. I wanted to be happy, truly, but it was accompanied by a sense of unease.
I rose slowly, keeping an eye on Gio, who was peacefully asleep next to me. I gazed at him for a moment before gently removing his arm from around me.
I got up and composed myself. I glanced at Gio once more before deciding to leave. I searched for my shorts, which were crumpled on the floor. Even my undergarments were there. I put on my shorts, deciding to go without underwear. Before I left Gio’s room, I looked at him one more time, took a deep breath, and finally departed.
I hurried home. It took a few minutes before I reached it. It was still dark, and there were no people in sight. I carried the belongings I had brought when I went to Gio’s. If I remembered correctly from my phone before it ran out of battery, it was only 2 a. m.
I entered my house and leaned against the door. I was in turmoil about what to do. The conflicting thoughts were racing in my mind. I wanted to fix things with Gio because, truth be told, I loved him dearly. But there were still reservations.
I went to the bathroom, splashing water on my face. I took a shower and cleaned my body. When I was on my way home earlier, I hadn’t felt the aches in my body, but now, I felt the effects of what Gio and I had done yesterday. I couldn’t walk properly.
I tried to go back to sleep, but sleep didn’t pull me back in. Eventually, I decided to leave and head to the beach to get some fresh air. I wanted to clear my head, hoping to find answers to my questions.
I sat on the sand, gazing at the small waves along the shore. The tide was low, so the sea seemed distant. I hugged my knees and rested my chin on them, lost in thought. Damn, I’m so sore!
I lost track of time but knew I’d been sitting here for quite a while, staring out at the dark ocean. I heard footsteps approaching, but I didn’t turn to look. I kept my eyes fixed on the distance.
The footsteps stopped beside me. I had a feeling about who it was, so I slowly turned to face them. I was right; it was Gio. He looked breathless, as though he had run all the way from the hotel to find me. He gazed at me, seemingly weighing my expression. I managed a sad smile.
“You left without saying goodbye,” he said as he approached. He stood beside me, still looking at me. “I thought… I thought I might never see you again.”
“I just needed to clear my head. Things are still too messy,” I replied, avoiding his gaze. I turned back to the dark sea.
“Millie… are you still angry with me? Are we still not okay?”
I bit my lip. “To be honest, Gio, I don’t know. I want to fix our relationship, but when I think about the possibility of it happening all over again, of you choosing to push me away as a form of protection, I’m not sure if I can go through that again.”
Gio quickly moved closer to me, kneeling in front of me so our eyes were at the same level. He gently cupped my cheek. There were tears welling up in my eyes, but they hadn’t fallen yet. For the first time in months, it seemed, I was on the verge of crying.
“I won’t do that again, Millie. It was just one mistake-”
“Yes, one mistake, Gio, but it hurt me deeply. You hurt me so much. Because when it was my turn to fight for us, you let go. How can I be sure it won’t happen again?” I cleared my throat to steady my voice. “I swear, Gio, I wanted to forgive you so much, but something is holding me back.”
I saw the fear in his eyes.
“I want to fix us, Millie. I know I wasn’t a good husband to you. But believe me, I’m trying. This is all new to me. Being in a relationship is unfamiliar territory. I don’t know how to handle it properly, and I’m still learning. I’m used to running away from my own emotions, but for you, I’m trying my best.” Gio took a deep breath. The glint in his eyes was noticeable. I think it was the first time I’d seen this kind of expression on him. “Forgive me if I faltered, if I felt weak. I want to change that. I’m done fighting myself, and I know what I need to do now. Just give me another chance.”
Gio closed his eyes, and when he opened them, I was taken aback to see what seemed like unshed tears in the corners of his eyes. He rested his forehead on mine while I was still in shock from what I had witnessed.
The proud, cruel, and cold Gioseffo Locatelli had unshed tears in his eyes! His actions were a far cry from the audacity he displayed yesterday after discovering my presence.
“Can you stay with me, please? While I’m embarking on this newly introduced path? I need you, Millie. Please, take me back. I promise I’ll be better this time.”
“Gio…” I wanted to reach out to him too, because I knew we were both going through a difficult time. If only it were that easy to convince myself.
Gio took a deep breath. He seemed calmer now compared to earlier. He composed himself and sat down beside me.
“If you need more time, I’ll give it to you. I’ve waited for several years for fate to be on my side and for you to be with me. I can wait for you again, Millie, until you come back to me. I’m here, always waiting for you.”
My lips trembled upon hearing his words. They parted for a moment, but since I wasn’t sure what to say to him, I closed them again.
Both Gio and I fell into silence after he had spoken those words. I felt him hold my hand, and I allowed him to.
“If I tell you that I forgive you, will you accept it? I didn’t mean what I’ve said, Gio. I mean, not from the bottom of my heart.” It’s as if I want to say it to him, that everything is okay now, to end our suffering even though deep inside, doubts still linger.
Gio released my hand, taking me by surprise, so I looked at him. He was seriously staring at me now.
“Don’t get me wrong, Millie. I’m here to ask for forgiveness, but I won’t accept a half-hearted forgiveness from you. If you forgive me, I want it to be genuine and not as if you’re still having second thoughts.”