[GIOSEFFO]
I stood up and wiped the blood I tasted at the corner of my lips. My father’s gaze remained piercing, especially after he regained his composure from the shock of seeing the liquid forming in my eyes.
“I know what I did was wrong. Everything I told Millie that night was not right. I should have chosen a more appropriate approach than pushing her away. I also realize that I can’t take back everything I said. I’ve hurt my wife, and I’m ready to face the consequences, but all of that can wait. Right now, I need to find my wife. I’m prepared for you to be angry at me because I’m angry at myself too. However, I want to deal with that after I find and make sure Millie is okay. I’ll just rest for a while and then leave again to search for her.”
My parents remained silent, just staring at me. Mommy seemed surprised by my behavior but chose to stay quiet. I knew they didn’t approve of what I had done to Millie, and neither did I. Yes, it’s too late for regrets, but I truly want to redeem myself.
Realizing they had nothing more to say, I left their presence. I went into my room to pass some time. I didn’t want to reveal this side of me to anyone, but I couldn’t help it either.
After what had happened earlier, I took a shower. I didn’t want to spend more time in front of my parents, who looked miserable.
With each drop of water on my body, I thought of Millie. When I realized she was still missing, I repeatedly punched the wall, not stopping until I could feel the intense pain. Now, the water mixed with my blood. I closed my eyes tightly. The rest I wanted to do didn’t seem to be happening.
I got dressed and left the room. I went to the house bar, poured myself a drink, and went out to the balcony to sit there while sipping my beer. I continued to think about where I might find Millie.
I sat there in silence for a while until I felt someone sit next to me. I turned to see my Dad.
“Can we talk, Gio?” he said to me. I took a deep breath but didn’t speak. I remembered when I came home after talking to Aleeza. Dad had talked to me too, about something related to my wife. Besides Aleeza sharing Marion’s plan with me, Dad’s words that day had a significant impact on my mind.
“When I warned you that your wife’s life was in danger because our enemies saw her as a target due to your vulnerabilities, I never told you to separate from her.”
I grinned and shook my head at Dad. I took a sip of the beer can before deciding to speak.
“You told me that she’s in this situation because I forced her to marry me when she should have been with someone else, Dad. You made me feel unworthy to be Millie’s husband, even though all I wanted was to be with her – whether I had to die protecting her or stay alive.”
My father’s words meant a lot to me because I always looked up to him.
“I didn’t mean it that way, Gio. What I wanted was for you to realize that you should protect her. You were so unfocused in the past days that you didn’t even notice someone getting close to your wife. She almost got shot if not for my personnel who were monitoring you as a couple. I know you have conflicts, but I hope you don’t neglect your wife like that.”
“Dad, I never neglect my wife. And now, I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. I don’t know if she’s even alive. I’ll blame myself forever if something bad happens to her. All because you all made me think I’m not suited to be by her side. And you, of all people, Dad. Who wouldn’t feel discouraged?”
Dad sighed deeply at my words. “That’s not what I meant with the words I said, but I guess it was also my fault for choosing the wrong words.”
I collected myself, took a deep breath, and calmed down.
“But I know I’m the one in the wrong, Dad. I shouldn’t blame others for what I did because I made the decision. I just thought it was better for Millie to live peacefully away from the turmoil, even if it meant a life without me. I didn’t want Millie to be hurt, and I didn’t want her to be used by my enemies against me because she’s my wife. It’s not the life I envisioned for her, so I thought it was better for her to live without me. But in the end, I’m the one who can’t live without her.”
I tightly gripped the beer can and looked into the distance.
“I’m sorry, son,” he said again. He sighed once more. “I know you think this way because of how poorly I raised you and your sibling. I know you always think of pushing people away as the quickest way to protect them from our chaotic life. I know you love your wife; I’ve seen it, I’ve been a witness to everything. I may not speak, but I know everything you’ve done for her, from then till now.”
Dad patted my back. I still couldn’t speak.
“We will find her.”
I just hope that if I find her, she’ll accept me back into her life. I truly regret everything I said to her that night. I regret it, even now, as I’m consumed by self-anger for hurting Millie.
I returned to our house, despite my parents’ insistence that I stay at their place for company.
Upon opening the door, the familiar image of my wife greeted me. I closed my eyes and even tried to convince myself that she wasn’t here, even though I knew I was alone in the room. I walked towards our bed and lay down slowly. I caressed the place where she used to sleep, imagining her presence with me. I drifted off to sleep after that.
I didn’t know how many hours I had been asleep, but when I opened my eyes, I thought I would see her. However, when I noticed that there was no one lying beside me, I realized I must have dreamt about her.
My breathing was trembling, and even my breath quivered as I stared at Millie’s vacant spot in the bed. I closed my eyes and whispered to myself, like it was a silent prayer.
“Please come back home, Millie. It’s empty without you. I feel incomplete without you. I’m not an expressive person, so I often can’t say what’s on my mind and often choose the wrong words. I’ve been concealing my feelings all my life. I’ve buried my emotions, along with my heart. I just want to protect you, Millie, but I always end up hurting and breaking you.”
I clutched the sheets so tightly and buried my face in Millie’s pillow. I could feel hot tears soaking the pillow.