He stood up, his jaw clenched. He came closer to me, causing me to take a step back until my back bumped into the console table.
“Isn’t it that whenever I tell you I’m jealous, you get angry? You always say my jealousy is unwarranted. I tried so f*****g hard, but how do you stop this, Millie? There’s no problem because you said there’s nothing to be jealous about with that guy. So whatever I’m feeling right now, I’m keeping it to myself so you won’t say my jealousy is out of place.”
I bit my own lip upon hearing his words. If earlier I had so much to say to him, now everything I had planned to express vanished. All the words I had in mind were swallowed.
“We don’t have a problem, Millie. So, stop asking me,” Gio’s voice remained calm. In fact, he didn’t seem angry, but why did it feel this way? I couldn’t settle. His words were like a repeated stab.
“Whenever I tell you that I’m jealous, you take it the wrong way. And when I don’t say anything, it’s the same,” he said with frustration, combing his hair with his fingers.
I was taken aback by his revelations. I had no idea he felt this way. I didn’t expect that seeing us talking to Rory could make him feel like this and lead to all of this.
“I don’t know how to control my emotions when it comes to you, Millie. Everything is new to me, so tell me how you do it, because I can’t. I don’t have a clue how not to be jealous.”
Gio faced me again. I could see the frustration in his eyes, mixed with some level of inebriation. He must have had a lot to drink to be like this.
“I tried, alright? But every time I remember what I saw earlier, it’s over, I can’t control myself anymore. I agreed to my cousins’ invitation to go to the bar, thinking I’d get drunk and forget everything because I didn’t want you to be angry. I didn’t want you to think I’m too jealous, and one day you’d get tired of me like this.”
I could see him struggling with his emotions.
“If you were in my place, Millie… if you saw me talking to another woman and I told you she was just a friend, how would you feel? I distanced myself from Aleeza because you didn’t like her, and you were jealous. I cut her off for you, even though she’s been a friend since then, and her parents are close to us. But what if you saw us talking, and I told you it was purely business, that you shouldn’t be jealous, could you overcome what you feel? Could you control your jealousy? I’m not guilt-tripping you, okay? I’m just asking.”
Gio was completely different now. I knew he had his insecurities when it came to his feelings about me, and even though he had expressed them before, I could still sense some restraint in his words back then. But now, seeing him intoxicated, I couldn’t believe the other side of Gio I was witnessing.
I wasn’t happy about this, but I hadn’t realized that my husband felt this way. I guess I was wrong. Gio was right. If I saw him with another woman, I would be jealous, even if he said they were just friends. So why couldn’t I understand his feelings towards Rory?
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall. I didn’t want Gio to think he was hurting me, because if that happened, I knew he would take back everything he said, and he might even be the one to apologize to me.
Gio sat on the bed and took a deep breath. “You’re so unfair, Millie. But I still love you. So, even though it’s like this, I’ll endure. Just give me some time. This will pass. Maybe I’ll get used to it.”
“Gio…”
“I talked to Engineer Green earlier.” he began speaking, so I bit my lip and let him talk. I remembered that. I was looking for him earlier, and Dario mentioned to me that he and Rory were together. I was curious about what they discussed, and now, as Gio seems about to tell me, I almost don’t want to know anymore. “You know what the f****r told me?” he asked, but all I could manage was to gulp. I couldn’t speak because my tongue had retreated. “He said I can’t give you a happy life. He claimed my life is too chaotic to provide that for you. He said you deserved someone else, not me. That I forced you into this marriage. If I really wanted to see you happy, he said, I should have set you free.”
Gio clenched his fist before looking at me.
“I wanted to f*****g punch the bastard and teach him a lesson, to make him realize who he’s messing with, but I held myself. I know it will come back to me. I know you’ll be mad at me. I don’t want you to be angry with me.”
My lips quivered at his words. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, to tell him it won’t happen like that. But I felt like I was stuck where I was, unable to move.
“I was never insecure, Millie. I’ve never felt threatened by anything or anyone my entire life, but when he told me that, I understood why I’m jealous of all the men around you,” he said harshly, biting his lip before continuing. “Because I know he’s right about what he said. I am insecure about those men who can give you a peaceful and quiet life. Unlike me, whose life is filled with chaos, and you get dragged into that mess. I envy those men who can give you a simple yet happy life. Because I know I can’t give that to you, Millie. That’s why when I saw you so happy with Rory earlier, I just left instead of approaching you. I convinced myself that it was okay. I held onto our marriage and that’s what’s important. But f**k that, I can’t help it. That’s why I just got drunk, thinking the alcohol would help me forget how happy you were with him.”
I threw my hands over my mouth, trying to cover it.
“I was thinking, if I hadn’t been so selfish back then and hadn’t put you in a situation where you were forced to marry me, maybe your life would be happy with the man you were supposed to marry. Maybe you wouldn’t be in danger because of me. Maybe you would have already built the family you wanted. I’m sorry, Millie. I put you in a situation that constantly endangers you, all because I fell in love with you.”
I shook my head forcefully and let out a soft sob, but I held it back. “Gio-“