NFTMB)Chapter 109
Victoria
(I Love Him)
I couldn’t believe my ears. What did he just say?
“What do you mean?”. I slowly asked him.
“I got Simon fired from his job because Sebastian told me that he liked you and that he wasn’t really a big fan of mine.
I knew the manager and it was just like a small favor which he granted me.
He got laid off at my request simply because I was insecure and arrogant.
I’m very sorry, Victoria”. He said.
No. No. I can’t believe this.
I felt it before I noticed it. A teardrop rolled down my cheeks from my eyes as I couldn’t believe the amount of cruelty that one person could be capable of.
“Why? Why would you do something like that? Simon gave everything to that job. He gave his blood, his sweat and his tears for that job and ultimately his life for that job. How is it fair that you do these things to people and you just get away with it”.
“I’m sorry, Victoria”. He said again.
“Sorry? You’re sorry? Someone died, Alessandro! Do you understand that?!
For everything you did to me. Every shit you put me through! I forgave you. I held nothing against you. I forgave you because it wasn’t your fault. It was your father’s influence and most times it was my fault for upsetting you or getting on your last nerve.
You’ve got a short temper and I understand that. I respect that and I try as much as possible not to rile you up.
Even when you hit me I still blamed myself for being too mouthy and setting you off.
But this! This one right now takes the cake. You did it. You really did it Alessandro! You hurt me! All thanks to you a young man is dead! Dead and gone!”
He rose from his seat with Athena and tried to come closer to where I lay with Matteo.
“No! Don’t come close to me! Don’t touch me Alessandro!”
“Victoria, I’m sorry. I never meant to kill him or for him to die this way. If I meant to kill him or hurt him you yourself can attest to the fact that he would have been dead a long time ago.
I never meant him any harm”
“Really? Really, Alessandro?! That’s all you have to say?!”
“What else would you have me say?!”. He yelled before trying to calm himself. “I already apologized for it. There is nothing else left to do”. He said in a calm voice much lower than the one before.
“Nothing left to do? Is that all you can say? There’s nothing left to do? Really? In place of someone’s life that was just lost over a silly ego problem?”
“Yes! That’s because he’s dead now! And there’s nothing you or I can do about it. He’s dead and gone. Just like Amara. There is nothing we can do about it!”
I blinked back in surprise.
“Ohh I see where this is coming from”. I said in harsh realization.
It will always be about her.
“Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking, Victoria.
I’m just saying that once a person I’d dead there is nothing that can be done about it except to own up to our faults and be honest if we have something to do with it.
Which is exactly what I’ve done.
I didn’t want you to continue believing that you were the one at fault and that your friend dying was of your making.
I hated to see you sad and down. Don’t blame yourself for something that is my fault.
I hate to see you sad and that’s why if you need someone to blame, blame me and not yourself”
“So, will everything always revolve around Amara?”. I asked him not controlling my emotions which ended up in a shaky voice.
“Don’t do that”. He said in a voice that sounded almost like a plea.
“Will she always come first and I come second even though I am your wife?”
I can’t believe that even after all this time that he’s still infatuated with a dead woman. This is unbelievable.
“There is nothing like first and second here, Victoria.
You both are important to me. Don’t try to shrink your position and importance in my life.
Amara is different. She’s special. I’ve come to realize that she and I shared a bond and will always share a bond.”
The more he said that, the more my heart broke into pieces.
I was beating myself up all this time asking myself why I had fallen in love with someone like Alessandro. Someone who treated me negatively and horribly.
Someone who had his eyes on another woman.
That realization alone haunted me. It haunted me for days on end.
I cussed myself, I hated myself for not being able to control the way I feel about him.
I’m supposed to hate him. I’m supposed to run in the opposite direction whenever I see him.
The closest I should be with him is just being civil with him for the sake of our daughter but instead I find myself craving his attention and affection.
I even subjected myself to meeting a shrink and talking to her about my problems and how I’ve fallen in love with my husband.
Who actually does not care about me as much as he cares about his mistress.
I wanted him to like me the way he liked Amara. To defend me the way he defends her.
I can still remember the day Niccolo punched Fabiano in the face. Fabiano had insulted me and also insulted Amara.
Alessandro didn’t respond or defend me when Fabiano insulted me. It was Niccolo who came to my defense.
But the moment he said a bad word against Amara, Alessandro retaliated.
I felt bad. I felt very bad about it but I decided to play it cool and not think about it or talk about it so much.
It hurt me.
“And what about me? What about me? What bond do we share?”. I asked desperately.
“Victoria, I don’t want to fight with you on this. Believe me. You both are two different people. You’re my wife and the mother of my child. There is no bond greater than that, Victoria”
“No, you’re trying to deceive me. Why can’t you answer just based on us! You and I! Not including the baby! Your answer for Amara did not involve your child with her! Why must mine include Athena! Is that all I am to you? Just the mother of your child? And she’s what? The woman that you love? Can’t you ever love me?”. I asked him with tears running down my face.
“You don’t understand. I don’t…. love her. I don’t know what it is or how to discern it”. He said it like it was something difficult for him to say.
“You do but you don’t know it yet.
You can’t say you don’t know what love is when I’ve seen you with Matteo and I’ve seen the way you are with your family. You love them! You love your family. You love your mother.
You love her. You cried for her, Alessandro! I’m not trying to be selfish or inconsiderate but then I was in pain too. I was in pain but you weren’t there for me. You know why? Because you were with her. You didn’t remember me!
It was Niccolo and Valentino! You weren’t even with me when the ambulance took me away. You didn’t even look at me! You held her tight and left me all alone! That was your baby that suffered that shock as well! You disregarded me! You kicked me to the side because of her!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to hate on her. I don’t hate her and God knows that. But you! You ignored me! You hurt me again!”.
“I don’t know what to say”. He said in surprise
“You don’t need to say anything else because your actions have screamed out how you feel. Now I know who I am to you and where I stand in your life. I know my place and it’s right behind Amara.
I don’t blame you. It’s really not your fault. I blame myself for falling in love with you. That was my stupid mistake”. I said angrily while I wiped my tears.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry but I can’t reciprocate your feelings. I can’t return the affection. I don’t know how to”. He said slowly.
“I see. I’m the one who’s going to suffer all the losses. I’m going to bear the burden. It’s my cross and I’ll carry it myself.”
“No. No, you don’t need to bear anything alone. I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always be here if you need me. You’re important to me and I care about you. A lot. I care about you a whole lot”
“What if I don’t need that. What if that is not what I want from you? What if I want your love and your affection? Your attention. Maybe a little bit of your heart”.
“You don’t understand, Victoria, she gave her life for me. No one had ever done that for me.”
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe if I wasn’t pregnant and held down by you maybe I would have done the same?”
He looked taken aback for a second as he looked like he couldn’t believe I just said that.
That was the truth. I would have done it.
When I saw Sebastian point a gun at him, all I could think of was to stand in but then he beat me to it.
He shielded me with his body holding me down.
“No”. He said in disbelief
“Yes. That’s the truth”
“Why?”. He asked. “Why would you risk your life for me?”
“The same thing she said. That’s because I love you. That’s something you would do for whoever you love. That’s an act of love”.
“Love. Love. Love. Love. Love, you say? How are you so sure that you love me? I caused your friend’s death! You’re supposed to hate me”
“That’s the sick thing because I still love you. Even after what you caused Simon, because you weren’t the one that killed him. You didn’t hurt him. You weren’t the one driving the car. I still love you even after what you did to me.”
“No. Don’t say that”. He said before trying to come close to me.
“Don’t! Don’t come close to me! I don’t need your pity”. I said to him, turning my face away.
“Victoria”. He slowly saud.
“Leave”
“What?”. He asked in disbelief
“Please leave. Leave me alone. I don’t want to see you now”
“You don’t want me here?”
“No. I don’t want to see you. You remind me of everything I’m not”
“Can you stop with this? Please”. He desperately said
“Give me my daughter”. I said to him,
“What? She’s my daughter too”
“I’m not refuting that and neither am I saying you aren’t. I’m merely telling you to hand over my child. Please”
He looks at me in surprise before looking at Athena and then looks back to me.
“Please. Don’t do this”. He slowly said before holding Athena close to his chest. I could see he was hurt and in pain but I don’t care.
I didn’t want to care now.
“Give me my baby, Alessandro!”.
He looked at me with hurt in his eyes as he placed a kiss on her forehead before reluctantly walking over to me and placing her in my hands.
“Thank you”. I said before cradling her.
He makes a move to pick up Matteo who was sleeping beside me.
“Don’t! Don’t you dare touch him!”
He stepped back in shock before looking at me.
“What? That’s my son”
“Hands off my children, Alessandro. Leave now!”
“You can’t be serious”. He said before chuckling to himself.
“You don’t see me grinning, do you?”
“That’s my son!”
“Get out of here before I call the nurse to drag you out!”
“Are you really trying to fight me on my own kid? You want to take it to court?”. He asks me in anger.
“Bring it on, Alessandro. I’m the mother, I’ll win. Now get out of my room!”
“All this for what? Because of Amara? Because I don’t feel the way you do? You’re the mother? Really?”
“Leave!”
He had an angry look on his face as he walked out of the door while I exhaled.
Grace walks into the room a second later.
“What happened, babe?”. She says in a soft voice.
The dam broke as I cried at her question.
Time and time again Alessandro hurts me.
“It’s Alessandro”. I said before I was engulfed in a hug.
I love him.