My eyes pried open as the door to my room cracked, and I saw Zion dragging himself through and towards my bed. I had just closed my eyes not so long ago, trying to sleep, and the strain lingered in them now that I stared at my son.
“Zion, baby, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he grumbled, already climbing onto the bed and crawling over to my side.
I pouted, “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Do you want to sleep with mommy?”
He bobbed his head, and I opened my arms to him, tightening them when he got into it. I kissed his hair and rested my head on the pillow.
Not long after he came into my arms, he fell asleep, but I couldn’t sleep. I kind of saw these sleepless nights and unending thoughts coming, but I let my heart think for me.
The memories of what happened between me and Aaron at Zion’s party kept me up. I didn’t need a psychic to know my desire for him had gotten out of control for a while now. My inability to control my desire for that man led to what happened, and that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I couldn’t stop thinking about it and obsessing about it. The memories plagued my mind, making me want more-making me want him.
I was slowly falling into the pattern and my old ways. The feelings didn’t leave like I thought they would. They remained more than I expected.
It felt like a drug. He was my drug. One touch and I was back, needing more. However, he wasn’t giving me more; he had given me nothing.
It’s been two weeks since our encounter and his thoughtful message, and since then, I have gotten nothing. It didn’t faze me at first. We were both people with lives, and the fact that he wasn’t hung up on what happened was a bonus to me. But the first day went by, and the second day did the same, as did the third and the first week.
It felt as if nothing happened between us, and I wasn’t sure I liked that idea, not when I thought about him and what happened every day. I didn’t want to believe he had moved on. Aaron wasn’t that kind of man. He wasn’t the man who would lead someone on, was he?
I wanted to call or something, but I didn’t want to appear as the desperate one. I wasn’t desperate, was I?
Fuck! I was desperate. I was desperate for him, for his touch, for his attention, for his kisses. It felt like a drug, and going two weeks without it didn’t help.
I’ve seen him a few times since the birthday, and I’ve gone over to his place to pick Zion up a few times. We smiled at each other and then acted as if nothing had happened between us. I didn’t like it, but there was nothing I could do.
Or was there?
Today, Zion would be at his father’s till the evening, and in the last three weeks, Aaron had enrolled him in swimming classes. It wasn’t something I agreed to at first. Swimming is an important skill that everyone should have. He was teaching him all the fun things like riding a bicycle, art, and swimming, and I was stuck teaching him the piano and how to be a decent human being.
I didn’t want my insecurity to speak for me, so I let Zion have all the fun on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I pick him up from his father’s and bring him home. Usually, I go into the evening, pick him up, and say hello to Aaron, who always has a warm smile on his face. It didn’t help that I remembered his long fingers buried in me whenever I saw him. Or his red, full lips locked on mine, kissing, sucking, and tasting. I had a filthy mind that did evil things to me, and most times, I had to snap myself out of it like a fool.
He didn’t seem bothered, and I wondered how he could be so calm after what we did. Did he not want me anymore? Was he playing hard to get? Urgh! All these questions have no answers.
I stared at myself in the mirror, knowing I needed to take decisions into my own hands.
I couldn’t wait for Aaron to decide. We didn’t have that much time, and I didn’t have that much patience.
I picked out my slim red crop top and my black high-waisted jeans and put them on. I made my hair into a ponytail and applied light make-up and red lipstick to match my top.
It was getting into the evening, and I wanted to pick Zion up from Aaron’s place, but I also wanted to pick something else up from where I left off.
I gave myself one last glance in the mirror before reaching for my keys and black jacket, and I hurried out of the room. I had two hours before Zion finished with his swimming classes. Perhaps I would get to talk to Aaron and ask him what happened to him and why he had acted as if nothing had happened.
‘Your choice of outfit says you want more than to talk.’
Shut up!
I got down and made my way into the house, my stomach tightening in agitation because I was about to confront the man who affected me like no other. The man I couldn’t hide from.
I pushed the door open and stepped into the vast living area, which appeared void of anyone, and I made my way through it, minding my step and taking it slow.
I didn’t want to run into anyone who wasn’t Aaron. I didn’t wear this outfit for them.
After wandering around for a while and not finding anyone, I realised my error. I should have called before coming. I dipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out my phone to dial Aaron’s number when I heard footsteps from behind. I stilled, and the hair on my head rose with each step taken until they were fully erect.
“You’re an hour early.” Aaron’s voice came from behind, and I could feel his heated gaze on me.
I swallowed, knowing that as well. “I know,” I admitted, feeling a little cold despite the jacket I had on. “I came to see you.” I summoned the courage to say it out loud.