My mates tried so hard to console me, but I was inconsolable. I couldn’t grasp what happened. One minute I learned my mother was still alive, posing like an aunt, just so she could see me one last time, and the next, she was gone. It hurts. More than when I realized I wasn’t human. I was unable to come to terms with the pain. This one was deep in my soul, eating me out.
“It’s okay.” Fred patted my back, placing a kiss on my hair. “Your mum won’t appreciate this, you know, right? She will want you to be strong, too -”
“Strong?” I peered up at him with puffy eyes. “How do you expect me to be strong when I just lost my mother?!”
I know it wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t help but yell at him. I just wanted to let everything out, to ease my mind of the burden.
“We know it’s difficult,” he continued, patting my hair. He didn’t even flinch when I raised my voice at him. Instead, he smiled. “We will be your strength if you don’t have one. You can lean on us. We will forever be your shield, Blue and I.”
Though I knew he meant well, I felt he didn’t understand the way I felt, couldn’t tell how much losing my mum took from me.
“You don’t understand,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “She was alive all this time. Watching me, loving me from afar. And now… she’s gone. I don’t know if I can survive this.” I placed my right palm over my chest. “I never thought I’d feel this much pain. It hurts, Fred. It hurts so fucking much. I just want to let go. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Blue, who had been quietly observing, stepped forward. He sat next to me on the couch and patted my left shoulder. “We may not fully understand, but we’re here for you. Always. You can rely on us. You are not alone. We are with you. You are our family, and we are yours.”
Fred nodded, his hand still stroking my hair. “You’re not alone, bunny. We’ll get through this together. You have us, and the babies.”
Their words, though comforting, couldn’t fill the void within me. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of sorrow.
Just then, a memory surfaced-my mother’s warm smile, her soft voice whispering, “I’ll always be with you, no matter what. You will have me close to you.” I held the jar pendant a fragment of her soul entered, holding it close to my heart as tears continued to roll down my cheeks.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to worry.” Blue placed a gentle kiss on my left cheek. “Your mum will want you to be happy. I know it won’t be easy to let go of everything, but you have to.”
Tears streamed down my face anew, but amidst the pain, a spark of determination ignited. The more they spoke words of encouragement, the more I felt stronger than I thought I would ever be.
“You’re right,” I said, my voice firmer. “My mum wouldn’t want me to crumble. She’d need me to keep going, to live.” She wouldn’t want to see me in pain.
I held the jar tightly, sniffing back tears as I tried to force a smile, but it was impossible. Saying those words was easier, but smiling was harder than I thought it would be.
Fred and Blue exchanged a knowing glance, their faces etched with relief.
“We’re proud of you, mate,” Fred said, pulling me into a tight hug. “You are a strong woman.”
As I leaned into his embrace, I realized they were my strength, my shield against the darkness.
“If you want to cry more, we will always lend a shoulder for you to cry on.” Blue hugged me when Fred released me from his comforting hug. “You might have lost your mother, but you haven’t lost us. We will always be with you. Now and forever. You are stuck with us, darling.”
Their warmth made me sigh. Left to me, I would have cried until I collapsed, but my mates didn’t want that.
A knock on the door interrupted us. Before any of us could ask the person to come in, the door opened and Chris walked in with Chrys.
“Mum!” Chrys ran over to my side and hugged me, sniffing. “Mum. It’s alright. Don’t cry again.” She reached up and wiped my tears.
Stunned, I looked towards Chris, wondering how Chrys knew I was crying.
“Well…” Chris lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “She demanded to see you, so I told her you were crying, that made her burst into tears. I had to bring her here to save myself from unnecessary headaches.”
“Oh.” Sniffing back tears, I wiped my eyes before I carried Chrys. I wanted to place her on my thighs, but Blue took her from me before I could.
“You need to stop carrying her all the time. You are pregnant. You can’t stress yourself this much,” he explained when I shot a confused look at him.
“Mum!” Chrys tried to reach for me, but Blue stopped her.
“Your mum is okay. She needs her rest, baby girl.” He smiled at her. “Now, will you be a good girl and let Daddy hold you?”.
Chrys frowned. She didn’t like that at all, but all it took was a glance at me before she nodded. However, her eyes went over to Fred as she opened her arms. It was no secret she liked Fred more than Blue because Fred always gave her treats while Blue was known for droning about how healthy she should eat.
Chuckling, Fred got up and carried her from his twin. “I will take her from you, brother.”
“Daddy!” Chrys hugged him tighter the moment he lifted her, burrowing her head into his neck.
“Talk about favouritism,” Blue grumbled under his breath, glaring daggers at Chrys who was unaware of the looks she was getting.
“What can I say? I’m the best dad in the entire world. Right, baby girl?” Fred chuckled.
“Yes!”
“Whatever.” Blue rolled his eyes.