50

Tomas.
I walked out of my room, my mind racing as I pondered what I was doing with Amanda. Confusion swirled inside me like a storm, making me feel horrible and lost. At the same time, a nagging thought crept into my consciousness: maybe she didn’t belong to me anymore. Maybe she was in love with Daniel now, and all the feelings we once shared had simply faded away, carried off by the wind like leaves in autumn.
I asked myself why I should even want her back. Was it just because I couldn’t stand being the second choice or losing to anyone else? Or did I still have real feelings for her? Many questions bombarded my mind, each one more challenging than the last, and I felt like I was losing my sanity in the chaos. The weight of uncertainty pressed down on me, and I could barely breathe.
A few minutes later, Amanda approached me, looking pretty in her unique style. I had to admit that she was gorgeous, with a distinct look all her own that set her apart from everyone else. Yet, there was an honesty about her that was shrouded in so many secrets that it made me uncomfortable. Every day, she seemed to unveil a new mystery, and I found myself wondering if I could ever truly settle down with all her complexities. I couldn’t help but question if I had made a mistake when I kicked Jennifer out of my life, leaving so much unresolved.
It was difficult for me to reflect on how I had treated Jennifer poorly after all she had done for me. I wondered if she was happy now with Jack and if she had ever truly loved me. Every single movement Amanda made in my house made it hard to stop thinking about Jennifer and the memories we had shared. The echoes of our past lingered heavily in the air.
As Amanda strolled closer to me, she reached for my tie, attempting to adjust it while smiling. Instantly, I widened my eyes, recalling how Jennifer used to do the same thing with such tenderness. I pushed Amanda’s hand away, a reflexive action driven by irritation. “What do you think you’re doing?” I narrowed my eyes at her, my tone sharp.
“Um, I was just trying to help you,” Amanda stuttered, looking nervous under my intense gaze, her eyes darting away.
“Don’t do that again. You need to follow my instructions, not act on your own. I don’t like it,” I said, frustration lacing my words like a bitter aftertaste. “Sometimes I wonder if I ever really loved you over the years or if I was just fooling myself by not allowing myself to fall for someone else,” I added, my voice betraying more than I intended.
“What do you mean, Tomas?” Tears began to form in her eyes, glistening like fragile glass.
I turned my head away, folding my arms across my chest, creating an emotional barrier between us. “Nothing. I’m just confused. You came back into my life after so many years, dropping the bombshell that I have a son. It’s a lot to process. My heart is a chaotic mix of hate and love right now. I can barely think clearly these days. I know it will take time, but maybe once I meet my son, things will start to make more sense,” I explained, my voice tough yet strained, filled with unspoken pain.
Deep inside, I knew I was ignoring her tears, but it felt beyond my control. I wasn’t the same person I had been with Jennifer; I couldn’t stand to see her cry. Now, however, I felt heartless and cold, a contrast to the warmth I had once cherished. I whispered to myself as I turned my back on Amanda, the weight of my words hanging in the air.
“It’s okay, Tomas. I guess it’s just strange since we haven’t lived together before, and we hardly ever talked. It was more of a love from a distance, maybe even a one-sided love,” Amanda said, forcing a sweet smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“Alright, Amanda, it’s time to go. Everything is ready, and Daniel is waiting for us. He probably knows what I’m going to say; he knows I’m the father and expects me to take care of my son now,” I informed her, my voice firm.
She nodded, her expression shifting slightly. “Yes, he knows you are the father of my son. By the way, your son’s name is Tomas too. I named him after you because I wanted to,” she stuttered, fidgeting with her hands and looking at the floor. I stared at her, processing her words, feeling the weight of the responsibility settle over me.
“Anyway, Amanda, there’s nothing more to say. Let’s move,” I said, pulling her hand as we walked out the door, stepping into the unknown. Carl drove us to the airport, but my thoughts drifted back to Jennifer, the memories clawing at my mind.
On the flight, memories of Jennifer flooded my consciousness-when she fell asleep on my shoulder, the gentle kisses we shared, her soft touch on my hand. Each recollection made my heart race, filling me with a bittersweet longing.
I tried to stop thinking about her, but every moment seemed to bring her back to me, haunting me like a ghost. I attempted to relax and take a nap on the flight, hoping to escape the turmoil in my heart until we reached our destination.
Suddenly, Amanda leaned closer, her hand brushing softly against my face. “Jennifer, Jennifer,” I murmured in my dream, lost in thoughts of her, the name slipping from my lips like a prayer. I jolted awake, shocked to see Amanda staring at me, her expression a mix of concern and confusion. I narrowed my eyes at her, pushing her hand away instinctively. “What do you think you’re doing?” I exclaimed, irritation bubbling beneath the surface.
“I was waking you up to eat your lunch,” Amanda replied, cutting a piece of cake and offering it to me, her voice soft and tentative. I spit it out, wiping my mouth with my left hand and glancing at her nervously, the taste of bitterness lingering.
She shivered, clearly hurt by my reaction. I could see the disappointment in her eyes as she walked away to sit at the back of the plane, her expression downcast and defeated.
I could hear Amanda crying softly, but my heart felt cold and unresponsive, like ice encasing my emotions. I didn’t understand why I had spent so many years searching for someone, only to treat her poorly when I finally found her. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t let go of the past.
A few hours later, we arrived at the airport. I continued to ignore her, unlike how I had treated Jennifer. I had ignored Jennifer out of jealousy or to protect her from my bad temper. But with Amanda, I felt a different kind of resentment, a weight that pressed down on my chest.
Once we were in the limo, I instructed Carl to take Amanda in a separate vehicle, not wanting to deal with the tension that hung thick in the air.
Minutes later, we arrived at Daniel’s mansion. He was waiting for me with an amused expression that made my blood boil.
“Tomas Charl! Long time no see, huh?” Daniel greeted me, his tone mocking.
“Am I supposed to be impressed by your silly words?” I smirked, my irritation bubbling beneath the surface, ready to boil over.
“Oh, I see you’ve changed a lot. You look just like the arrogant, careless, heartless guy I knew back in college,” Daniel shot back, smirking as well, a glimmer of challenge in his eyes.
“I’m not here for you, Daniel. I’m not interested in this conversation. I came for my son, so give him to me now. I don’t have all day,” I groaned, my patience wearing thin.
“What?! You mean my son?” Daniel exclaimed, looking at Amanda in disbelief, his expression shifting from amusement to outrage. “How could you do this to me? Tomas can’t take my son away from me; I raised him!”
“Sorry, Daniel, but little Tomas needs his real father now. Please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” Amanda pleaded, her voice trembling, filled with desperation.
“What are you doing, Amanda? Are you begging him to keep my son? Who is he, after all? No one asked him to raise another child!” I yelled at Amanda, frustration boiling over, my emotions spiraling out of control.
“How much did you pay for my son, Daniel? I’ll double it! Do you know who I am? Or should I remind you that I’m not the sweet guy from college anymore?” I shrieked, anger fueling my words, each syllable dripping with venom.
Amanda stepped in between us, trying to diffuse the escalating tension. “Please, Tomas. Please, Daniel, let’s just resolve this calmly. Little Tomas needs his real father, but let’s not pretend he doesn’t love Daniel. We can keep it professional for his sake. He deserves both of you in his life,” she urged, her voice steady even as her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
At that moment, a small child who could barely walk crawled toward us, calling out, “Am-manda! Ma-ma-”
My heart skipped a beat as I was captivated by him. He looked so much like me-his black hair, wide green eyes, and tanned skin. His smile and the dimples on his cheeks melted my heart instantly, a rush of emotions flooding through me. Time seemed to stand still as I gazed at him, struck by the realization that he was a part of me.
Amanda lifted little Tomas into her arms and kissed him, and I found myself frozen in place, staring at them both, unable to tear my eyes away. I cleared my throat, trying to process the whirlwind of emotions crashing over me, the weight of fatherhood settling like a heavy cloak around my shoulders.