38

Sleep eluded me. As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw those bright green eyes. I saw the shock, the anger, and the betrayal in them.
And then I saw my mate running away in pain.
My entire life I had dreamed of meeting my mate, and in my worst nightmare I would not have imagined what just happened. I sobbed into Remi’s sleeping form, she had crawled in with me in the hopes I’d settle down and get some rest. I had poured out my feelings, my disappointment in myself, and my anger until two in the morning and she fell asleep before I could.
My life was spiraling out of control, and I had my foot on the gas pedal, speeding it up. What the hell was I thinking? What kind of hormonal slut can’t keep her legs closed for a few months? Now I’m knocked up, I’ve betrayed my mate AND my fiance, and I have no idea how to get out of the situation I’m in.
If I leave Mark, I’m leaving a good man I was falling in love with. A man who is a tender and considerate lover, who has wanted me for years, a man whose child I am carrying. There will be no happy family, no picket fence and two kids, no peaceful human existence. I would crush him, tossing aside what we had for a mate that may not even want me anymore.
If I stay with Mark, I’m giving up on my true mate. His wolf is beautiful, I’m sure his human is as well. He’s the man who was made just for me, who completes me in every way. I felt the tingles, I’ve seen the kind of love that true mates have for each other, and I’ll be tossing that away. I’ll also be giving up on werewolf life completely; there will be no Alpha male at my side to protect me and run our Pack. I had given up on the idea of rebuilding my Pack, thinking I couldn’t be a leader, but now I realized it could happen again and quite easily. Mating with an Alpha male would automatically reestablish the Pack, and I’m sure a number of former members would return if they heard it happened.
The houses would be filled again, and things would return to the way my parents had left it.
No matter what I did, I was going to get hurt, and hurt people I love.
I don’t know if I even got any sleep, but all too soon the alarm was going off. Remi left after breakfast, she didn’t want to go but had to get back to her Pack. She invited the three of us to spend Christmas with them, and I said we would think about it. I had planned to visit some of the surrounding Packs to the three remaining targets as part of my plan to build allies for my revenge.
Marge and Mabel both held me up as we watched them drive away. “It’s down to just us now, Ella, we’ll be fine,” Marge said. They led me back into the house and sat me at the table. “Now, we know there’s a lot going on in your life right now,” she said, “but you don’t have to go through anything alone.”
Mabel grabbed my hand. “You need to take a break, and let yourself relax and come to terms with some things. All this stress isn’t good for you or the baby, and right now those are the two most important things. Not revenge, not Mark, not your mate. You.”
“I know, Mabel, but it’s hard.”
“One thing at a time then, Ella. You don’t know who your mate is, do you?”
I shook my head. “I know he was involved in the attack on our cars, he’s the one that stopped and looked at me before running away. He’s a member of one of the four packs, likely an Alpha or Beta son. He has bright green eyes, I’m sure I would have noticed them if I saw him in human form.”
Mabel squeezed my hand. “I know it hurts that he ran, but he must be confused. It can’t be easy smelling another man’s seed in your mate when you first discover her.” I turned crimson at this. “He can’t reject you in wolf form, no matter how much he hurt. He will be back, you can count on that.”
Marge agreed. “The pull to your mate is too strong, if he tried to stay away it would hurt him physically. He will have to come to you again, and when he does you need to talk to him. Who knows how much he knows about what has happened to you, and what you’ve done. You owe it to him to answer his questions, and only then should he accept or reject you.”
My jaw fell when she said ‘reject.’ No she-wolf wanted to consider her mate rejecting her; for it to happen, something must be wrong with her, and she would be shunned and talked about for years afterwards. Of course, if he thought I was pregnant with a human’s baby, he might reject me just for that. The whole thing twisted my stomach around. The closeness, the love and the great sex seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it felt like a millstone around my neck. When I lifted my head up, both of them were looking at me with tears in their eyes. “What do I say to Mark? Last night was so good, he was so tender and loving, to push him away now will crush him.”
“I don’t know an easy way to do that, Ella. The real question is, are you, right now, willing to reject your mate when you see him next?” Marge always knew how to get to the bottom of things.
I couldn’t do that. I owed it to him to give him a chance, he was fated to me, he was my other half. “No, I can’t do that.”
“Then you have to stop this thing with Mark immediately. It’s not fair to either man.” I started to cry, and she pulled me to her chest and held my hair as Mabel rubbed my back. “The sex has to stop, you need to tell him he’s back to friend status until you can figure things out.”
Great, I’m putting him back in friendzone and I have to give up on the massages and the sex. “I can’t keep him away, he’s the father of the baby.”
“And you should tell him that, you aren’t rejecting him, but you have a choice to make and it isn’t an easy one. Communication is a good thing in a relationship, explain to him how you feel and why. If he loves you, he’ll wait.” She looked up at the clock. “Now you need to go get cleaned up, you need to leave in ten minutes if you’re going to be at Tom Harris’ office on time.”
Marge handed me a tissue and I wiped my eyes, then blew my nose. “I look like a hot mess, don’t I?” At least they were honest enough to nod at me. I got up and went to my bathroom, washing my face and tying my hair back in a ponytail. I grabbed the papers we had gathered from my parent’s office over the weekend and headed out.
Tom’s office was in the downtown strip of Stanley, North Dakota. Stanley was the eighteenth largest city in the state, which sounds impressive until you see the sign that says “Population: 1458.” It didn’t even have a stoplight, just a few stop signs along the main drag. It was still early, so I found a parking spot in front of the brick 3-story building and grabbed my stuff.
I walked across the street first to Badlands Brew and got a large coffee and cream. After my night, I figured I would need to have this on a constant drip to make it through the day. There were a few people I knew inside, and I accepted their greetings and sympathy with a strained smile. It would be a while before I would move past the loss of my parents and pack.