Elle
“You need to talk to him,” Josie said, sitting across from me at Smothered in Love diner.
We were grabbing breakfast before I went to the courthouse for Jeremiah’s trial. Before I knew it, several weeks had passed. I had been so hurt by him insinuating that I couldn’t be trusted, I’d avoided his calls and texts. But I needed to be there for the trial. I needed to know what was going on for the sake of Amelia and Grace. I couldn’t avoid him for much longer.
“I was so stupid,” I said, staring down at my pancakes. My stomach turned just thinking about eating. Damned morning sickness. “I should handle this on my own.”
“And what are you going to do? Keep the baby a secret from him?”
She was right. I couldn’t hide it forever. He’d find out eventually. Even if he was behind bars, he’d find out during one of the visits with the girls. I was still their guardian, after all. And the idea of having three babies to care for filled me with fear. It was like a weight was pressing down on me. I’d taken a pregnancy test that morning, which was positive. I was only about three or four weeks along. Even though I couldn’t feel the baby inside me, I knew it was there.
And as much as I wanted it, I was scared out of my mind.
It was partially why I had avoided Jeremiah. My period had never come, though I spotted slightly. Josie had told me that was enough, and for a little bit, I believed her. But then it became clear something wasn’t right. I took the test to ease my mind, to prove that it was all in my head. But instead, it proved that I was pregnant.
“You need to eat, sweetie,” Josie said, reaching across the table and patting my hand.
“My stomach is upset. I’m not sure I can.”
Josie raised her hand and called Felicity over. “One ginger ale, please.”
Felicity nodded and walked off to get the drink.
“Ginger was my best friend during my pregnancy,” Josie confided. “A little ginger ale should soothe the tummy, and from there, eat smaller meals – but you need to make sure you eat.”
“I know,” I sighed, looking back down at my plate. Pancakes had sounded good when I ordered them, but now they seemed like a very bad idea. So heavy with syrup. I reached for my toast instead, nibbling a bit on it.
“Good girl,” Josie said.
Felicity brought over the ginger ale and slipped into the booth beside Josie. “So what’s going on?” She rested her face in her hands. “I’ve been so out of the loop, but I can tell something’s wrong, so spill the beans, girls.”
Josie looked at me. It was my news to share, and so far, she was the only one who knew. Felicity was one of my closest friends, though, and I was going to need all the support I could get.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, hoping no one else could hear me.
“What? When did this happen?” Felicity squealed a little too loudly. I hushed her and she apologized before
continuing, “So who’s the father?”
I cringed. “Jeremiah.”
“Wait. Jeremiah Jenkins?”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I stated, wanting any excuse to leave this conversation. But I stayed seated and the feeling passed.
“I take that as a yes,” Felicity leaned back into the booth. “Damn. I work too much. I miss everything around here.”
I checked my phone, and there was a voicemail from Jeremiah. My finger hovered over the button to delete it, but I decided not to this time. I wouldn’t be calling him back. Especially since he had to be at the courthouse soon.
It wasn’t the time to talk to him.
But if not now, when? What if he got convicted and went to prison?
Don’t think like that, Elle.
“What was that?” I pulled myself back to the conversation.
Felicity and Josie were giggling about something.
“Nothing, just saying that I’m the last one in our friend group without a family,” Felicity sighed. “That’s what I get for being a workaholic I guess.”
There was some sadness in Felicity’s eyes. A bit of jealousy too. Not that she had any reason to be jealous. The father of my child might end up behind bars; I might be a single mother to not one, but three children under the age of two.
“I better go,” I said, pushing my chair back.
“Oh, breakfast is on me,” Felicity said, waving it off.
“Consider it a congratulations gift.”
“I don’t think there is such a thing.”
“There is now. Go, get your baby daddy free and start your family.”
Felicity patted my arm and offered one of her sweet smiles. She had such a good heart; I hoped she’d get her own family one day. And I prayed things worked out better for her than they were for me right now.
Ooo000ooo
I slipped into a seat near the back of the courtroom just as the proceedings were starting. I’d sat in on cases before, but always for work. This was far more personal. I wouldn’t be covering the trial. Lucy was there, sitting a few rows up from me. This was her beat, and I let her cover it. I had personally decided to stop writing about Jeremiah altogether. I should have avoided it from the beginning, but I was even closer to it all now – and everyone was right. I could be biased.
Plus, I didn’t want to divulge anything that Jeremiah had shared with me in confidence. He already didn’t trust me; I didn’t want to give him any more reasons to not confide in me.
We were going to have a baby together, after all.
I took a deep breath as they read their opening statements.
Most of it was a blur. A bureaucratic dance that was similar in most court cases. But then Jeremiah took the stand.
He looked tired, older than usual with bags under his eyes and lines deep in his brow from frowning. But he was still as gorgeous as I remembered him to be growing up. His dark hair was brushed nicely. The greys at his temples seemed to have multiplied since I’d last seen him. There seemed to be more in his beard too, which was trimmed nicely, as always.
I could count on one hand the number of times he’d worn a suit. My father’s funeral was one of those times. While he looked hot as hell in his usual jeans and casual wear, I had to admit, a suit fit him nicely too. It was all black, Jeremiah’s favorite color to wear. Black jacket. Black shirt. And a black tie that had some small details on it that I couldn’t make out from this distance.
His eyes met mine from where he was sitting. He raised an eyebrow; maybe he was surprised I was there. I couldn’t tell.
I wanted to be there for him. Even after the fight, I wanted there to be an us. I just wasn’t sure how it would be possible if he didn’t trust me.
His lawyer brought up the deposits from his account.
“Can you explain why you were sending Lauren Holt large sums of money, at least once a month, for ten months out of the last year?”
“Yes,” Jeremiah said, clearing his throat. He looked away from me as he finished speaking. “Lauren is the mother of my daughters. We had a one-night stand. She got pregnant but didn’t want to be a mother. I sent her money to support her during that time.”
After the judged quieted the gasps and murmurings in the room, Sam continued. “Lauren Holt needed financial support?” Sam asked.
“She didn’t need it, but she didn’t want to use her father’s money since she didn’t want her parents to know about the babies.”
Tears welled in my eyes. Such a simple response, one I’d have believed had he told me. Had he trusted me enough to talk to me.
If I were raising his girls, I had a right to know who their mother was. I had a right to know that the Holts could be a threat to them. But Jeremiah had withheld that critical information from me because he thought I’d splash it across the front page of the newspaper as if I lacked any sort of integrity.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone about this before?” Sam asked, facing the jury.
“Because like I said, Lauren didn’t want her parents to know. She was afraid they may try to come after the girls. I was worried about that too. I wanted to protect my daughters.”
“So you told no one?”
“No one. I couldn’t trust anyone to keep this secret. I’m only talking about it now because I’m under oath.”
“And Lauren, where was she the night of James Fitzhenry’s disappearance?”
“She was at the hospital, having just given birth to the girls.”
My heart stopped, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. When I mentioned Lauren’s car, the reason he knew it wasn’t her had nothing to do with the witness not being reliable – he knew where she was that night and had lied to me.
The rest of the testimony was a blur, and the tears continued to fall down my cheeks. I tried to hide them, but when it became too hard, I stood up and hurried out of the courtroom. I ran to the bathroom, where I locked myself in a stall and cried for what felt like an eternity.
“Elle?” A knock came at the bathroom door. Jeremiah.
“Are you in there?” I didn’t answer.
“One of the guards saw you go in here, so I know you are,” he said through the door. “We’re on recess, but I only have a few minutes. Please talk to me.”
I needed to talk to him. I’d have to face him eventually. I was having his baby. With a deep sigh, I exited the restroom. When the door opened, Jeremiah seemed surprised, as if he hadn’t expected me to come out.
“Elle, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything. I just had to be careful, for the girls’ sake. I made a deal with Lauren not to tell anyone.”
“You asked me to raise your girls, Jeremiah. Don’t you think this is information they’d want to know someday? That I should know? Just in case the Holts came after them or something?”
“I know. I didn’t think it would come to this,” Jeremiah said.
“You should have trusted me.”
“I do trust you, Elle. In the beginning, I wasn’t sure,” he said honestly, earnestly. “You had a tendency to write about anything you found newsworthy.”
“Wait, you’re still mad at me for the article I wrote about you?”
“Not mad, but it made me hesitate sharing things with you.”
“I’d never put the girls in danger, Jeremiah. I would never betray you, not even for my career.” I felt cornered, with him standing in front of me. I needed fresh air, and I needed it fast. I pushed past him, but he grabbed my arm. I pulled my arm free and glared at him.
“Elle, please.”
“You need to trust me, Jeremiah. Because whether you like it or not, we’re going to be connected whether you go to prison or not.”
“What are you talking about?”
I closed my eyes and spit out the words. “I’m pregnant.”
“What? How did this- Weren’t you on the pill?”
My eyes popped open. “You know, it takes two to tango, right? It’s not just my doing here.”
Except it was. I blamed myself. He still should have worn a condom, but I should have said something.
“You’re right, I shouldn’t have assumed, it’s just-” Jeremiah stammered. “I can’t do this right now, Elle.” “Can’t do what? Father three children?” I asked, my voice hard. “Because like it or not, it’s happening.”
“Elle, I can’t.”
I burst into tears. This was not how I wanted it to go. I had wanted him to be happy, but I fucked up. It wasn’t the right time, but like it or not, it was happening.
“Well, I have to deal with it. You can check out, but I can’t.” I needed air. My stomach roiled, and I was sweating profusely. I was going to be sick without air. I stormed away, heading for the exit.
“Elle, come back!”
Jeremiah chased me to the front doors, but in the distance, I heard his lawyer’s voice calling him back.
The recess was over. He had to return to the trial.
I stepped outside, and the cool air felt good on my skin. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out, remembering some of Josie’s relaxation techniques.
My emotions were crazy these days, and I blamed the hormones. I was a mess. I shouldn’t have told him like that. What had I expected?