Jeremiah
What did I do?
I stared up at the ceiling, the sun was beginning
to stream in through the curtains. I’d been lying in my bed, tossing and turning for hours. The girls would be awake soon, and I didn’t get a minute of sleep.
It was going to be a long day.
Luckily, I didn’t have to go into work. Not that my reasons for taking the day off were a good one – I was put on leave while they investigated the charges. While that would probably upset most normal folks, I was a little relieved. Not because I was tired from lack of sleep, but because after everything, I really just wanted to spend time at home with my girls.
Speaking of which… It started as a muffled cry, then the other joined in and it was a screaming fest.
Breakfast time.
For them, not me. I still needed to go to the store. Elle had used the last of the eggs and bacon the night before and I-
Elle.
I fucked Elle.
I mentally kicked myself again. If I could have physically done so, I would have.
Stop it, Jeremiah. Feed your girls. Go to the store. You can deal with Elle later. Add it to your list of things to do, along with trying to clear your name and not go to prison for murder.
I didn’t remember walking into the kitchen, or even preparing the bottles. I was in my head but trying hard not to think too much. The kitchen reminded me of her.
Right here, on this very counter. The one you’re preparing your daughter’s bottles on. You fucked your best friend’s daughter right here.
Had the tables been reversed and Carl was still alive when my daughters were of age, I’d have killed him.
I knew he’d have done the same if he was alive.
But he wasn’t.
I dishonored him by fucking his daughter.
I cursed myself as I took the two bottles and walked toward the nursery. I was a father now, I should have known better. I should have had more self-control.
I entered the nursery to Amelia and Grace crying in harmony. You know, prior to having kids, anytime I was around crying babies, it annoyed me. Now that I had my own, it only broke my heart to hear their pitiful cries.
I’d do anything to make sure they never had to cry again.
After changing dirty diapers as quickly as possible, I took a page from Piper’s playbook, putting the girls in their carriers. Then I sat down in the middle of the floor, a bottle in each hand, and fed my babies.
Elle was right about us not having food in the house, and I was running low on formula too. I needed to get to the store. I could put in a grocery delivery order, but then I remembered that made for a terrible alibi. I needed to be seen more, just in case someone else ended up dead.
Sad that I had to think about things like that, but it was true. I couldn’t stay locked in my house if I wanted to prove my innocence.
Once the girl’s finished, I dressed them in some warm clothes. I felt like my body was moving on autopilot. I didn’t want to think too much, because every time I did, I felt guilty.
My brain kept taking me back to the night before, no matter what else I was trying to think about.
Getting out would also be a good distraction. Get my mind off things.
I drove to the only grocery store in Liberty and parked as close to the front as I could. It was cold, but not freezing. There was fresh snow on the ground from the night before, but the sun was out and already melting a lot of it.
Old snow was piled high along the parking lot, turned to grey mush, but it too was melting. We still had a few weeks of winter left, and considering we were in the mountains, I knew that the snow wasn’t going anywhere for long. But at least it wasn’t too cold for my girls today.
I’d finally get to use the baby carrier I bought, the one meant for two babies. They were both in the front, side-byside and resting against my chest. It was a lot easier than dealing with two carseats in the store.
I walked in and grabbed a cart, running down my shopping list to prevent me from thinking about Elle. Dammit. Even then, I thought about her and how she offered to pick things up for me when she took her mother shopping.
No thought was exempt from reminding me about her.
I pushed the cart through the bakery and deli section and turned down the aisle for bread when I heard a familiar voice.
“I’ll just grab some bagels.” My heart stopped.
I stopped.
Even though I was right by the bagels.
Pamela Schaffer turned the corner before I could bolt, and her eyes lit up when she saw me.
“Oh my God, Jeremiah! Are those the little girls Elle keeps going on and on about?” Pamela cooed, rushing toward me.
“Mom, I-”
Elle turned the corner and saw me just as her mother reached me and the girls. She was wearing dress slacks and a green, silk blouse that complemented the brown of her eyes perfectly. I knew this was her casual attire – Elle didn’t really do casual, she always dressed to impress. It was the New York girl in here. Even before she moved to the big city, she was a New York socialite at heart.
“Oh, hello, Jeremiah,” Elle murmured.
She wasn’t usually lost for words. But even the talkative, extroverted Elle seemed not to know what to say to me. She looked down, focusing on something on the shelf as if it was the most interesting brand of bagels in the world.
“Aren’t they just darling? They look just like you, too.” Pamela continued cooing at the babies, oblivious to the elephant in the room, the one standing between her daughter and me.
“Elle, get your butt over here and look at them.” “I’ve seen them, Mom,” she said.
“Oh, you have? I guess you interviewed him recently, huh?” Pamela looked up at me, and she had the same brown eyes as her daughter. She looked older than I remembered, more tired. I knew she hadn’t handled Carl’s death very well. She was thinner than I remembered too. “Why haven’t you been over for dinner in a while? Just because Carl’s gone doesn’t mean you can’t come visit us?” Elle raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything.
“Uh, yeah, you’re right,” I said, scratching my beard. “I’ve been busy, and you know, I didn’t want to intrude. I know you’ve been through a lot.”
“So have you,” Pamela said softly. “But we’re family. Aren’t we, Elle?”
“Of course,” Elle agreed quickly. Then she looked up at me, her eyes reaching deep into my soul. “You really should come by sometime, Jeremiah.”
I swallowed. “I’ll try, but it’s a bit hard with two babies.”
Elle moved closer, more relaxed, and smiled down at Amelia. “How’s my sweet girl?” she asked, running her fingers over the baby’s down-soft hair. “Daddy finally
getting some groceries, huh?”
“What are you talking about, Elle?”
“Oh, nothing,” Elle said, brushing off the comment. “Just the last time I saw him, he said he needed to pick up some groceries. I offered to help, but you know Jeremiah.”
“Yes, always so stubborn. Just like your dad.”
And just like your daughter, but I kept that thought to myself.
“Well, I really need to get going,” I stammered.
“Oh, of course, sorry to keep you. But I mean it, if you need a warm meal, Elle is one heck of a cook, and we’d be happy to have you over.”
Elle smiled at me, even though it was slightly awkward.
I don’t think she knew how to feel about what happened.
Glad it wasn’t just me.
“Thank you,” I muttered, pushing the cart forward and past the two women. “I’ll see what I can do.”
As soon as I was out of range, I breathed a sigh of relief. Closing my eyes, I pictured her up on the counter, her legs wrapped around me.
Stop it.
She had been so wet for me from the start. I slipped right inside her. So tight. So wet. So warm.
Stop it!
My eyes popped open. Pull yourself together, Jeremiah. You can’t ignore Elle forever. You live in a small town, it was only a matter of time before you ran into her.
But why the very next day?
She had mentioned taking her mom shopping. Why did I decide to go shopping too? Was it intentional? Hell, no. I knew better than that.
Her mother had no idea that I’d fucked her sweet, innocent daughter on my kitchen countertop.
It couldn’t happen again.
Grace began to fuss, and I realized I’d been standing still for too long. I needed to get moving so I could be home before they needed changing.
I hurried through the store, only picking up what I needed – the bare minimum – and headed for the front. I scanned the lines and didn’t see Elle or Pamela. I got into the shortest line and rushed through the checkout process. I prayed they’d left already.
Maybe I could avoid another awkward run-in with the two of them.
I grabbed the bags as soon as the transaction was over.
“I don’t need a receipt.”
I would have run out to my truck had it just been me, but I had my girls strapped to my chest. I walked as quickly as I could. When I got to the door, I thought I was in the clear.
“Jeremiah, wait.” Apparently not.
I turned, expecting to see Elle and her mother. Probably insisting I come over for dinner later. I would need a very good excuse. I loved them, they were like family, but after last night, I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t bear to look Mrs. Schaeffer in the eye through dinner, knowing that I’d had my way with her daughter. I couldn’t look at photos of Carl, not without feeling like a terrible friend.
Elle hurried to me, her wool jacket wrapped tightly around her. No sign of her mother. At least I could count that one blessing, however small it might be.
She waited until she was right up to me to talk and spoke in a low voice. “I may have something already. A witness saw a car outside James’ house the night he disappeared.”
“Elle, if it’s relevant, the police will handle it.”
“She told Teddy. I spoke to Teddy, and he said his hands were tied, but he’d handed the witness’s name over to the FBI. The witness said no one from the feds have spoken to
her yet. They aren’t even looking into it.”
“Even more reason to stay out of it.”
She stared at me like I was crazy. “That makes no sense. If they aren’t going to look into a key piece of information, someone needs to.”
“Maybe it’s not relevant.”
She huffed, her hands on her hips. “Or maybe they just don’t think it is. It could have slipped through the cracks. Either way, it won’t hurt for me to talk to the woman-”
“Elle?” Pamela’s voice pulled my head up. She was walking out of the store with a cart full of bags, heading right for us.
“Elle, don’t-”
“So if it’s no problem, I’ll be by later for my jacket,” Elle trilled, smiling brightly. “I can’t believe I left it when I interviewed you for that article.”
Pamela walked up. “Oh, you forgot your jacket?”
“Mmhmm. When I was interviewing him the other day for the article.”
Pamela frowned. “You should have told me you talked to him, dear. I thought you only wrote that article based on what you knew about him.”
“It slipped my mind, Mom. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I just would have liked to join you and meet the babies, but I’ve met them now. So it’s all good.”
“I really need to get them in the truck. It’s cold,” I intervened. “But it was nice seeing you.”
I hurried and unlocked the back door, and my hands were fumbling with the carseat. I heard the two of them say goodbye and walk away, but I kept thinking maybe Elle would come back.
Maybe her mother would too.
Maybe Pamela would find out the truth. Because I swear, the guilt had to be written all over my face.