*Alejandro*
They say there comes a time in your life when you feel you’ve been lied to all your life, a time where you feel you could be thrown into whatever pit and you won’t have to budge and if you ask me, that time is now for me.
I have never felt so many different emotions at the same time. My chest tightened with each word I spoke to Andrea and each word she said in reply.
Austin had been my son. This explains the unwarranted fondness, why I couldn’t get him out of my head.
I was heartbroken, but part of me was overjoyed. I watched Andrea break down and pulled her in.
“I won’t ever take Austin away from you, never. You have my word. I want him in my life; you don’t need to be out. I want you both in my life.”
I had always wanted to be part of Lucas’s life when he was little but wasn’t because of business trips and how broken I was when Nora left, I didn’t want to commit the same errors with Austin.
She sobbed in my chest, and I patted her head. When she was done, she pulled away. I missed her touch and warmth immediately.
Why couldn’t she stay in my embrace for good?
“I’ve always cared about you, Andrea; there was never a time I stopped loving you,” I said, wiping her tears away with my thumb.
“I want to be part of Austin’s life,” she moved my hand away from her face.
“But you can’t tell him the truth. You can’t tell him you are his Dad; I’ll do it; I want to tell him myself,” she said, and I completely understood her.
I nodded, “Alright. It’s fine. Just let me spend time with him this evening.”
“You can’t take him away from the house.”
It pained me to know that she doesn’t trust me as much as she should, but I couldn’t blame her. I decided to look on the good side. This may turn out to be a good thing.
I get to spend time with not just Austin but also with her.
I drove her back to her house.
I was overwhelmed with a cocktail of emotions. When I got close to her house, I felt giddy; I would be seeing my son, so that was enough reason.
Andrea’s head was slung to the side, and she kept sniffing. I tried to see if she was still crying, but she didn’t give me the chance to.
I just thought it would be better to give her what she wanted, so I left her alone. We didn’t say anything to each other all through the ride.
Immediately, I pulled up in front of her house, and a nervous feeling settled in my stomach.
Andrea removed the seatbelt on her and stepped down. I stepped down, too. Her eyes were puffy and red.
This must have broken her as much as it did me.
“I don’t think Austin would want to see you like that,” I gestured to her eyes with my chin. She clears her throat and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.
“Here, this should help,” I passed a handkerchief to her, and she whipped her eyes with it.
I watched as her face shifted into a smile immediately as she opened the door, and I could only wonder how many times she had had to mask how she felt.
She stepped into the sitting room, and I walked slowly behind her, my eyes searching everywhere for him.
A creaking sound.
Then, there were slow footsteps, which turned hurried with every step.
“Momma,” An anxious Austin walked into the room. Andrea picked him up, her smile never flattering. I was amazed at how well she could keep her smile up before her son when she was breaking inside.
Andrea was a strong woman. I couldn’t begin to imagine what she must have gone through as a single mother.
And yet, she has raised one of the smartest and most amazing kids I have ever met, the kid I still couldn’t believe was mine and not Dave’s.
“Are you still angry at me? I’m sorry, momma. You don’t have to leave the house because of me. I’ll make sure I act as I should now,” the little boy said, burying his head in her shoulders.
Andrea patted his back.
“I’m so sorry for shouting at you,” Alison walked out. Her eyes were uncertain, and she kept glancing between Andrea and me.
She was trying to weigh the situation.
Andrea said other things to Austin, but I was too busy trying to take in their little space.
So, this was where he was raised.
My eyes lingered on the frame of a baby. It was Austin.
My eyes felt red immediately. It then occurred to me that I wasn’t there when he got his first in everything: his first steps, his first word, his first laugh.
Andrea placed him on his feet, and his eyes finally fell on me, but he didn’t move. He kept looking between me and Andrea.
It wasn’t until Andraa nudged him gently that he began walking towards me.
I picked him up from the floor and lifted him.
He struggled, and I placed him on his foot.
“I told you before, I’m a big boy; why would you pick me up like a baby,” “Cause I’m bigger than you,” I replied, teasing him and touching the tip of his nose playfully.
“Just you wait; I’ll be bigger in a few years,” he said, and I smiled, nodding, “Of course you’d be.” He was my son, after all; he would be the biggest and the best.
My eyes kept darting to Andrea, who had her eyes pinned on me like I would run away with him.
I sent her a small smile and mouthed, “Relax.”
Maybe that calmed her a little as she walked inside with Alison following closely behind her.
It took a while for Austin to loosen his guard completely around me.
“I want to show you something,” he led me into his room. “These are my latest collection of cars,” he bragged, showing me a toy section that had so many car toys.
I marveled at how big his room was; it was bigger than the sitting room. I was grateful to Andrea. She had been able to give him the best
As Austin showed me one car after the other, I wanted to hug him and tell him that he could get any car in the world, anyone he so desired, and I’d get it for him.
But I refrained myself. I didn’t want him to stop being free around me, and I didn’t want to rush things.
I played with him on the floor.
It was the best night I had had in years. It was clear that my happiness lay on Andrea and Austin and, of course, Lucas.
I was truly excited around them and I wanted to keep them. To hell with Nora; I want to keep my family and make sure I take things back to the way they once were between me and Andrea.
The plan was simple: get Austin to love me.
I knew Andrea would not be able to hold her fence for so long if Austin loved me.
I don’t care if I have to divorce Nora a second time. Lucas was grown up enough to understand things better, so he would not try to do or say anything stupid.
I knew he would not properly accept the fact that he has a brother by Andrea, but I knew he would accept him with time. He has a good heart.
Austin has a small bookshelf at the side, “you read too?” I asked. The tires of his car came to a screeching halt, and he turned to look at the shelf.
“Yes,” he dragged his car on the floor again, “but I like playing with car toys too.”
“That’s nice,” I said.
“I want to make cars in the future,” his voice was super low when he said it.
“That’s such a nice dream.”
“I know,” he smiled proudly, rolling another car across the room.
My mind was already thinking maybe it was time to launch our first car. If I invest in it now, it will be easier for him to lead when the time comes.
I spent so much time with him.
That evening, I didn’t want to leave; I didn’t want to leave him or stop playing with his car toys.
But I knew it would not be right to stay.
He was already feeling sleepy.
“Do you want me to read you a bedtime story?” My eyes were already surfing through the books on the shelf, reading the title on them.
“Yes, but it’s usually my Dad who reads it for me,” I knew he was referring to Dave.
I was tempted to tell him Dave wasn’t his Dad and that I was his dad, but I didn’t.
I had promised Andrea I’d allow her to do so herself.
“I can be your Dad too.” I was bent on convincing him.
“But everyone has one Dad; who has two Dads?” He sounds genuinely puzzled.
“Two Dads are acceptable. Your friends in school probably have just one. With two Dads, you are higher than them,” his sleepy eyes brightened, “really!”
“Of course,” I said.
“Fine then, be my Dad for the night,” he said as he lay further into the bed. There was a book there; I picked it up and began reading it to him.
When I heard his soft breath and looked at his chest rising and falling, I knew he was asleep.
I gave him a quick peck on his forehead and stepped out of the room.
Andrea was seated on the couch in the living room, “thank you,” I said as I stepped out.
“It’s fine. After all, he is your son.” She said, her lips trembling as she tried to smile.
“I know,” I said, sitting across from her on the sofa.
“I’m ashamed to face you and especially ashamed to face Austin. I should have been here for both of you but wasn’t.” I wanted to hold those hands settling on top of her thighs, give them a light squeeze, and promise her never to leave her again.
I restrained myself.
“But I’ll be here for you guys now. I am not leaving anywhere; I’ll always be right where you can see me.” The room was illuminated by white light which flooded it.
It was funny how fast time flies.
A while ago, I was convinced that I would go back to Lucas tomorrow and ask him to come over here, but that was out of my list right now.
“You don’t have to be in my life. Being in Austin’s life is fine.”
I didn’t want to rush things, so I agreed with her.
“Austin seems to have a great love for cars,” Andrea’s eyes lighten immediately.
“Yes, he has since he was one year old.” She paused, then continued, “He doesn’t like any gifts aside from cars; he would play with them all day.” She chucked slightly as though she just remembered something.
“On that note, I want to take him somewhere tomorrow,”
“Where?”
I knew she was being protective of him again; it was the same face she made when she was trying to protect him, “It’s a car race competition; I know he will love it,” I studied her face but couldn’t read a thing, “I want you to come too.”
She thought for a moment, “All right,” she said, and I almost hugged her.
I didn’t.
Instead, I smiled within and resolved to get her back.
I must win her back; I don’t care what it will take.