She knew Angie would jump at the chance to connect with Robbie and dig into what was troubling him, but her own family commitments kept her close to home these days; her baby was due in a few weeks, and while 43 wasn’t too old or risky to be having a baby, Elio was taking no chances and had decreed total rest for her.
While she waited for Karen, Casey pottered around the apartment, playing with and talking to little Robbie, and considered the ramifications of having a little sister for herself, and a little aunt for young Robbie to play with; it tickled her to think young Robbie, whose parents were brother and sister, would be older than his aunt; and she had to laugh as she thought: did that mean they were all now officially trailer-trash?
Grinning at the thought, she glanced out of the window to see Joey’s pride and joy, the Bentley Continental GT Robbie had given him as a wedding present, pull-up outside.
After all the family greeting and hugging, and obligatory nuzzling of babies, Casey sat down with Joe Jr. firmly in her arms, Joey in turn walking around holding his nephew like some kind of precious object as he gurgled baby-talk at him. Casey leaned in to speak softly with Karen.
“Kay, I need to confess; I had an ulterior motive for asking you to come over. It’s Robbie, I’m really worried about him.”
Karen looked over at Joey, busily talking baby gibberish to little Robbie, who was gurgling happily back at him.
“Is something…?”
Casey shook her head.
“No, it’s his father I’m worried about. Something’s really bugging him, it’s making him twitch and tic like crazy, and he won’t talk to me; there’s something going on with him and he won’t tell me about it; he just insists I must be imagining things, but he goes all red when he says it. I’m worried, Kay, he’s never been able to keep secrets, and whatever this is, it’s really troubling him, and it hurts so much to know he’s keeping secrets. Talk to him, Kay, please, I know he’ll tell you things he can’t tell me, find out what’s wrong with my boy!”
Karen looked into Casey’s eyes, seeing the fear and anguish lurking there, and noted the slight quiver of her bottom lip. She quickly pulled her up and took her into the bedroom. Joey looked up, and Karen flashed him a quick glance that told him to stay put. Joey already had a good idea why they were there, so he nodded in affirmation and went back to entertaining young Robbie.
Once the door was closed, Casey settled Joe on the bed in a nest of pillows, and burst into tears. Karen gathered her in, letting her cry all her fears out as she soothed her.
Eventually the storm abated as she calmed down, Karen still holding her close, and Casey clung tight to her, taking comfort in her sister-in-law’s presence.
While Casey cried, Karen had been having an internal debate over whether to tell her what she already knew, and as she wiped her tears away she made up her mind; this was a family matter, and Casey deserved to know.
“Casey,” she began, “I already know what’s bugging Robbie; he and I had this conversation at Sarah’s wedding. I’m just a little disturbed he hasn’t already had this out with you!”
At Casey’s look of alarm, she smiled.
“Calm down, Case, it’s nothing sinister, or dark and deadly!” she smiled, watching her as she carefully picked her words.
“Robbie’s nervous, real nervous. This whole ‘getting married’ thing has really thrown him for a loop.” She held up her hand to forestall any comment from Casey.
“No, it’s not like that. He talked to me all about this because he didn’t know how to tell you without sounding like he was trying to bail on getting married. He wants to marry you so bad it hurts him, but he’s afraid. He’s afraid he’s not good enough, that he’ll get it wrong, that he’s somehow going to mess up and you’ll hate him for being his father’s son. Robbie thinks the sun rises and sets on you and that little boy out there, and he can’t handle the thought of somehow not being enough for you, or not being everything you wanted. The truth is, he’s frightened that you’ll think he trapped you into marrying him. Robbie’s scared that marrying you will stop you loving him because you’ll feel trapped!”
Casey sat in open-mouthed shock; she’d never picked-up a single hint from him that this whole situation had him so jittery, and for so little reason. Had she really somehow indicated to him that she might feel trapped one day? God forbid! The one thing Casey wanted more than anything in the world was Robbie, she knew that with a depth and profundity impossible to plumb; he was an essential part of her now, his soul so closely twined around hers that there was no way to separate them.
She came to reality as she realised Karen hadn’t finished speaking.
“Joey knows, he and Robbie had a talk about this, and Joey gave him the best advice he could; go see Frank. When we were first engaged, after the gloss wore off, Joey started getting the jitters, and for pretty much the same reasons — he and Robbie really are more alike than either one of them realises. Anyway, Sarah told him that he needed an older male perspective, and sent him to talk to Frank; whatever Frank told him seemed to do the trick because, well, you know the rest!”
Casey thought over what Karen had told her. Robbie was such a serious young man, so committed to his family, she could see how the thought of anything coming between them would make him jittery, but she still felt dismayed that he’d not confided in her. Weren’t they partners now? Didn’t young Robbie prove how much she loved him? Her eyes filled again as she thought of him grappling alone with his fears, unable to tell her because he thought she’d reject him for not loving her enough.
Karen saw the precursor to her tears, and held her close.
“Casey, you know how much he loves you, but you have to understand, this is something he has to work out himself; there’s nothing we can do except be there for him, especially you. Remember when I first met you again, back when Robbie first brought you from Sacramento? I was scared for him then, afraid you’d hurt him, and maybe damage him in some way that none of us would be able to fix. I was wrong then, thank God, but nothing about Robbie’s changed very much since then; he’s still a very young boy inside all that meat and muscle, and even with that incredible mind of his, there are some areas he just doesn’t know how to connect with, or even realise that he needs to; this is one of them.”
Karen paused, marshalling her thoughts before continuing.
“Someone is going to have to show him the way, and it has to be someone who’s already been there, done that, and come out okay. That’s why he needs Frank now; Frank and Caitlin had to go through what you and Robbie are going through now, they know the way through it, and only they can show him how. They did it for Joey, although we don’t have the… complication you and Robbie have, but other than that, it took the two of them to show Joey what to do and how to be who he should be.”
She paused, smiling a little at the memory of how Joey had been after his own crisis had been resolved.
“Relax, it will all be fine; Robbie loves and trusts Frank and Caitlin, and they love him, you, and that little boy out there like their own. In a very real sense Caitlin’s as much his mom as Sarah is, she loves him fiercely and unquestioningly, so she’s not going to let any harm come to him, to you, or your baby, I promise you!”
Casey tried to push her misgivings down in the face of Karen’s breezy confidence that Robbie could handle this, and would, and managed a tremulous smile.
“There you go, that’s better!” smiled Karen, “Now let’s go rescue Robbie Junior before Joey decides to see if he likes Five-Alarm Chilli as much as his father!”
Casey laughed and gently picked up her nephew, handing him to Karen and patting her face to wipe away the signs of her recent tears. As they rejoined Joey, they found him stretched out on the carpet, young Robbie lying on his chest and laughing as he tried to poke his fingers into Joey’s eyes, nose and mouth, and giggling as he avoided Joey’s attempts to nip his fingers between his lips.
Every time she watched her bright, happy, inquisitive, affectionate little boy as he explored his world, Casey was struck by the thought that this was how Robbie might have been before his family decided to deny his existence, and the thought was always accompanied by a wave of sadness for his loss, and a stab of guilt for her part in that.
“Look Robbie, it’s mommy! She’s my sister! Can you say sis-ter?”
Robbie burbled happily, and Joey grinned.
“Yes, I knew it, what a clever boy you are, you’re definitely my nephew, blood will tell! Your mean Aunty Karen says you can’t talk yet, she bet me ten bucks it was just gas, she’s a meanie, can you say ‘meanie’? Good boy, now your meanie Aunty Karen owes me ten bucks!”
Casey laughed and picked up Robbie, allowing Joey to clamber to his feet.
“All good now?” he asked, taking Joe Jr. from Karen.
“I think so,” Said Casey, “but I still wish he’d confided in me a little. At least I know what the trouble is, and he’s got a way to sort it out, so I’m at least a little reassured. I’ll make sure he goes and see’s Frank, he adores Robbie and hopefully he’ll be able to make things right for my boy!”
Joey looked a little shamefaced, something Casey spotted immediately.
“What, Joey, what are you not telling me?”