She swallowed and continued. “What we did, how we did it just now, dad used to do that to me every chance he got. I’m sorry baby; I didn’t know how to tell you!”
She started crying again, silently but powerfully, silent sobs wracking her body. Robbie pulled her close, fiercely, holding her as tight to him as he dared as she shook against him.
Eventually Casey stopped and wiped her tears away.
“He started on the night of the Senior Prom, just two weeks after my eighteenth birthday, I went with Mark Henry, but he never danced with me once… no one did. When he brought me home, Dad was waiting up for me. He took me into his study, saying I was an adult now, and he gave me a drink, and I sat with him drinking brandy and feeling all grown-up and worldly.”
“When I finished my drink he asked me to dance with him, so I did, and suddenly his hands were all over me, and then they were up under my dress, then he was pushing me over his desk, and that’s when he did it. Oh Robbie, it hurt so much, he was hurting me and I couldn’t stop him! I’d never done anything like that before, and I felt so dirty, my own father! After that, he did it to me nearly every day. Robbie, he knew how much it hurt me but he wouldn’t stop, no matter how much I begged him! I didn’t know how to stop him! I didn’t know how to tell mom, or if she’d even believe me, or maybe she knew, and just didn’t care, and there was no-one else I could tell. I had no-one to protect me, there was no-one in town, not one person I could turn to after what I’d done to you, no big brother to help me, God, I made sure of that…”
She stopped to swallow, her eyes unfocussed as her memory unreeled.
“He kept on doing it until I left for college. I had to come home eventually, mom would get at me to come home when I had a break, and I couldn’t tell her why I didn’t want to, and then he’d call-up and start on at me about how mom was missing me so much, then he’d get angry and threaten to cut off my tuition, and get me kicked out of my dorm, and tell mom I tried to seduce him.”
“College was all I had, my only way of not being there with them, so I’d come home, hoping that he’d leave me alone, but no, he’d be waiting, and he’d keep me with him until mom wasn’t around, and he’d do it to me some more. That was when I really needed you, Robbie, I wanted you so much to be there to help me, but you were gone, I’d already gotten rid of you… I’m so sorry, Robbie, I tried to find you to tell you I was sorry, but I also wanted you to come home so you could help me, because I needed your help so badly. I knew he’d never touch me if you were there, he was afraid of you, and I wanted you to protect me, but you weren’t there, and it was all my fault…!”
She paused again, her eyes still far away as the tears welled up.
“I started to think I was being punished; this was what happened to people who did what I did to you and I deserved it. I prayed for it to stop, but it kept on and on, until I realised no-one was listening, and maybe what was happening to me was my penance for doing what I did, and I thought that if once, just once, I’d been a real sister to you, perhaps it would eventually stop when I’d been punished enough, but it never did…!”
Robbie cut her off with a finger on her lip.
“Shh, Case, it’s OK, it’s over now, it’s all in the past, dead and buried, remember?”
Casey couldn’t let it go, the tears pouring down her face as she relived her own private shame and fear.
“When he came here today, he wanted to take me back, that’s the only reason he was here, and I was so scared he’d somehow manage to do it; he doesn’t care about you, or me, all he was angry about was that someone else had a hold of his little fuck-toy, that’s all I am to him! Please don’t let him get me again, Robbie, please…!”
Robbie held her close as she broke down again. “Shh! You’re safe now Case, you’ve got Joey and me, both your big brother’s are here, and we’ve got your back! And before you ask, no, I don’t think it was your fault, and no, I don’t think you asked for it, and no, I don’t think you deserved it. So get rid of that now, because I’m never gonna think that!”
“I think this had better remain between us; if you tell Joey, he’s liable to go down there and hurt Steve really badly; you’re with me, and in Joey’s eyes that makes you one of us; and he really doesn’t like people messing with any of us! But let me tell you just one thing, and then we let this go forever, OK? Even with everything that happened before between us, if you’d come to me and asked me to help you, I would have; you’re my little sister, and I would never have let anyone hurt you.”
Casey looked at him, her vision blurring with tears of shame at what she’d confessed, seeing the truth of what he was saying. Robbie wiped away her tears, and gently kissed her as he soothed her fears away. He understood now that they were both victims of their father, but Casey had suffered abuse he hadn’t been able to imagine their own father could dish out, she’d been violated by the one man she was supposed to depend on.
Robbie was incapable of desiring revenge; if Steve showed his face again, Robbie would do anything to protect Casey, but hunting down someone and taking violent revenge was not a part of his psyche. He was just glad to his depths that he was taking her with him, that she’d never again have to face their father, and that Steve would never again have the opportunity to vent his sexual predilections on his only daughter.
As he pondered, he became aware that Casey’s breathing had slowed and deepened; she was asleep, which was no surprise, given their earlier exertions and then her emotional confession to him. Robbie smiled and slowly slid out of bed, to grab a shower before the others got back. He’d just finished toweling-off when there came a light, almost hesitant knock at the front door. At first disinclined to answer it, Sarah’s lessons in good manners and politeness took over, so tugging on his jeans he quickly ran downstairs in his bare feet, his hair still wet and tangled, to open the door to whoever was calling at this hour.
To his surprise, Angie was standing there, looking better than she had earlier, but with a tightness about her eyes and lips that belied her apparently calm appearance.
“H… Hello Robbie. May I please come in? she asked softly, and again Robbie could sense the control she was exerting over herself, the feel of tightly-reined emotions just below the surface.
Robbie looked at her blankly for a second, then opened the door and motioned her in.
“Casey’s asleep, if you’ll please wait a moment I’ll go and…
Angie put her hand on his arm to stop him.
“No, Robbie, please… I wanted to talk to you. It will only take a few moments, please!”
Robbie looked at her hand on his arm, and she yanked it away like she’d been burned. Robbie indicated the way to the living room, and followed her in, motioning her to take a seat.
“So, ah… Mrs. Dolan, how can I help you? Like I said, Casey’s asleep, it won’t take but a moment to get her…?”
Angie’s face tightened further as she realised Robbie only thought of her as ‘Mrs. Dolan, Casey’s mom’, and couldn’t think of any reason why she should want to talk to him.
“Robbie, I know this is probably too late to make a difference, and I know you don’t think much of me anyway, but I just wanted to say ‘sorry’. I’m sorry for everything I did, all the things I didn’t do, all the times I left you out, I’m sorry for all that. I know you don’t think I’m your mom, and you have every reason in the world to think that way, but I am your mom, and I wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for what I did to you, and to beg you to let me back in. What I did was wrong, I know that now, and I have no excuse, but I do know one thing; I love my children, even if I forgot that for a while, and I need them to know that.”
A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention, and she turned her head to see Casey leaning against the door-frame, legs and feet bare, wearing what looked like the shirt Robbie was wearing earlier that day. It hung almost to her knees, the sleeves were impossibly long on her, and she looked young, small, and vulnerable.
Her heart leaped into her mouth when she saw the purple bruise decorating Casey’s left cheekbone, her anger with Steve flaring again as she saw what he’d done to her daughter. Angie half rose, but Casey quickly walked over to Robbie and climbed onto the couch behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder as her arms circled his torso. As she clambered behind up him, Angie saw enough to know she was naked under the shirt, and she blushed as she realised what they must have been doing. She resolutely put that from her mind; she was here to apologise to Robbie, not question his relationship with Casey. Casey handed something to Robbie, and Angie saw it was a T-shirt, which he quickly pulled on.
Angie turned her attention to Casey.
“Honey, I also want to apologise to you, for dragging you down with us, and for everything that happened, and especially for today; I saw something I didn’t understand, and… I overreacted, and I’m sorry. Whatever you and Robbie do, wherever you go, if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you. I don’t know what your father thought he was doing, but that…” she indicated the bruise on her face, “that was inexcusable; he had no call to go attacking anybody. Well, he paid for it; he’s having surgery tomorrow to repair his arm, and he’ll be in a cast until the end of the summer, that should keep him occupied.”