“Mom, I met Casey in Sacramento a few days ago, by chance, she was working in the hotel I was staying at. We talked, we fought, we talked some more, we said everything that had to be said. Mom, Casey’s been looking for me for four years, trying to find me so she could apologise, to try and make things right and find a way to be what she should have been. I think she did, I accept her and I’ve let go of all that stuff from before. I couldn’t hate her; even with all that happened in the past, she’s still a part of me, and hating her would be futile and wrong; you taught me that. I forgave her, and I want to ask you to forgive her, let her in the way you let me in. Please, Mom.”
Sarah’s face worked as various emotions battled for supremacy, finally settling into a neutral mask, her eyes hard and uncompromising.
“So Casey, the last time I saw you I threw you off my property. Why should I let you stay this time?”
Casey’s eyes widened as she realised this was crunch time, now, and that Sarah was not going to take any prisoners.
“Mrs. Anderson, the last time I was here I was a selfish, spoiled, thoughtless bitch. I took everything from Robbie, I never gave a thought to him, not one moment of affection, never once bothered to notice he was hurting, or that I was taking his future, the life he should have had. That will always weigh on my heart, that I left him nothing, and laughed when I did it. He should have been my hero, and I made him into nobody, I helped drive him away, and let strangers be his family because his own family didn’t care for him in any way. I paid for that every day, I cried for him, I searched for him, I spent my nights terrified that he was being hurt again and it was my fault. I left him out, and he let me back in, because he’s who he is, and I should have seen that all along; I was so busy looking at myself, I never once looked at him. If I had, I would have seen the man that he is, what he would become in spite of what we did to him. Robbie is better than I could ever be, I know; I’ve seen what I am. He saved me, and I want him back, I need him back to be complete again, to love me the way I love him. I let him go once, I won’t ever make that mistake again!”
Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she finished, Robbie sliding his arm around her, and brushing her hair away from her forehead as he whispered to her. Sarah’s eyes widened as she took in the sight of Robbie caressing her; all she could think was ‘Oh no, not again, please, not that, anything but that, don’t make me go through that again, not again…’
Casey turned and buried her face in Robbie’s shoulder, sobbing now as her sorrow finally vented, her heart finally unburdened. Sarah’s eyes softened, her face losing its immobility as she watched them, listened to the truth in Casey’s voice, her suspicions confirmed. But she had to know for certain, hear it from both of them; there were things to be done, to set in motion if she was right.
“Robbie, honey, what going on here, really?” she asked, her voice soft and concerned.
Robbie looked uncomfortable, which alerted Sarah that there was indeed more to come; Robbie had never been anything but completely open with her. “Mom, Casey and I, we have something else to tell you. When we… found each other, we found more than just a missing piece of each other. We knew that we were meant to be, the two of us. I love her, and she loves me, and we want to be together.”
Sarah nodded. Bingo!
“And you, Casey, is this how you feel?” she asked, just as gently, sensing how fragile Casey’s emotional balance was right now. Casey nodded, unable to speak, her hands twisting in her lap. Joey handed her a glass of water and she drank deeply, calming herself.
“Mrs Anderson,” she began, voice barely audible, “I know you’ll think this is wrong, but I love him, and he loves me. I need Robbie, he’s the missing part of me, and I can’t, I won’t walk away from him. I won’t live my life without him. I’m his, forever, and he’s mine, it’s as simple as that.”
Sarah sighed. “Robbie, Casey, have you thought, I mean really, really thought about what you’re doing here? This is a dangerous place for you both to be, can’t you see that? It’s not just the law, and God knows, that’s tough enough on people who do what you two are contemplating, but other people, 2, 000 years and more of history, saying you’re wrong to want this, that there must be something wrong with you, the anger, the hostility, the bigotry, you’re courting all of that; can you survive that, and keep going? Can you live with the secrets you’ll have to keep and not come apart at the seams, survive the guilt? There’ll be plenty of that, make no mistake!”
Joey looked at Sarah curiously. “Mom, how do you know so much about this, what makes you so sure this is what’s in store for them?”
Sarah drew a deep breath. “I’ve been here before, Joey, it hurt then, and it’s going to hurt now, I can feel it!” she responded flatly.
Joey looked astonished. “When, Ma, who?”
Sarah looked squarely at him. “When your Uncle Frank came to me and first told he was getting married, I was over the moon. I was so happy for my kid brother. I asked him who he was marrying, and he told me, and I had hysterics, screaming fits, I was so angry and disgusted!”
Joey looked perplexed. “Why Ma, what was so wrong with Aunt Kat, I mean… OH!”
“That’s right, Joey; your aunt Kat is my baby sister, Caitlin! Even if she’s only my half-sister, she’s still my sister, and I was horrified, my brother was committing incest, and he wanted my blessing and my help!”
Joey looked thunderstruck as Sarah continued..
“He wanted me to help him get through it, to find a way to make it all come out right, and I had to try, they were my family, all I had left after your father died. It was such a hard thing to do; did you never wonder why Frank moved to California when his family, all his friends, everything he ever knew, were right here in Springfield? It was the only way I could think of to let them be together, get them to a place where no-one knew them, where they could stand up without looking over their shoulders to see who’s watching them. I didn’t want them to go, they were my kid brother and sister, my family, but they wanted to be together, so I had to let them go, go to somewhere they’d be safe from prying eyes and wagging tongues. Getting them there was easy; letting them go was the hardest thing I ever had to do, it hurt, and it still hurts, breaking up my family for the good of the family cost me everyone except you.”
Joey slumped back in his seat. He looked shocked, dazed and confused. He swallowed a couple of times, then leaned forward to look at Sarah again. “Ma, this is turning into quite a day for revelations. Is there anything else you want to tell me, that you think I should know? Maybe it’s time for the family skeletons to join the party!” he grinned mirthlessly.
Sarah looked at him, lips pursed, said nothing. “What, Ma, there’s more?” he exclaimed. “Please, do tell, I’m all ears!”
“Not now, honey, we have bigger problems.” said Sarah softly, a warning note in her voice, Robbie, Casey and Karen all looking at each other in embarrassment as Joey and Sarah squared-off.
“No Mom, what else are you not telling me, what could be worse than what you just told us? I’m waiting!”
“Joey, please, not now!” Her words lashed out, real anger evident in her tone. Joey leaned forward, eyes narrowed. “Ma, what are you not telling me, what could be so shameful that you can’t say anything, even after what you just told us. The secrets and lies have to stop, now!”
Sarah looked up, and Joey and Robbie were shocked to see tears in her eyes. “Please baby, not now, this can wait, we need to sort out Robbie and Casey, later, I promise!”
Joey looked at her, and slowly shook his head. “No Ma, Robbie and Casey came here to tell you, because he loves you, and he won’t keep secrets from you. You owe him that much, you owe all of us that much. There’s been enough hiding and avoiding the truth, so tell me, please, what’s so shameful I have to drag it out of you?”
Sarah looked near tears. “Please Joey, don’t, can’t you just accept I have my reasons and just let it go, can’t you give me that much?”
Joey wavered, then set his jaw. “No Ma, let’s clear all this stuff away once and for all. Robbie and Casey, Karen and I, we need a new start, we can’t leave old garbage until it starts to stink, so now we clear it out once and for all; then we can go on. That’s how it has to be, Mom, I’m sorry!”
Sarah looked at her son, impressed at his reasoning, seeing the resolution in him, so like Frank in so many ways. She began in a low voice.
“Sweetheart, it’s about something that happened when I was in college. I met Joe Anderson my junior year, when his family moved here from Albuquerque, and when we first saw each other, there was just no-one else. He had the loveliest golden-brown eyes, and he was so good-looking I couldn’t believe he would be interested in me, but he never took his eyes off me. We dated for almost a year, and we were in love.