I murmured a silent prayer as the cab pulled up in front of Max’s gate, climbing out and handing the driver the usual ten-dollar bill. “If you don’t mind waiting for me, I just want to check if my baby boy’s here. It won’t take long. I promise.”
He nodded and I half ran towards the gate, pressing the doorbell as hard as I could. The sound of the lock turning had my heart thumping loudly. God, please let Finn be safe. The security man slid out, his scrawny face brightening the minute he saw me. “Ma’am? You’re finally here.”
“Good evening,” I mumbled breathlessly. “Is Finn here? I’m sorry I overslept and forgot to go pick him up.”
He nodded in understanding, which made me feel relieved. “Yes. Sir Sturm brought him home over an hour ago. You can come in.”
“I’ll go dismiss the driver then,” I hurried off towards the cab, told him off, and returned back to the gate, my hair sticking out at every angle. I couldn’t remember when last I felt so disorganized… so out of place. This was so unlike me, and I couldn’t blame Max if he suddenly lost his shit. I’d been a parent for longer than him. I was meant to be more responsible than this.
I rushed up the steps and banged my palm on the door, tucking a few stray stands of hair that’d escaped from my loose bun behind my ears. Finn came into view through the glass, flashing his pearly white teeth at me and jumping in excitement. “Momma’s here!” he hooted, clapping frantically. Tears of joy and relief streamed down my cheeks.
He’s alright. He’s safe.
Max appeared beside him like a twisted angel, his eyes brimming with rage. I bit my bottom lip as he unlocked the door and pulled Finn aside to let me in.
“My sweet baby,” I cried quietly, stooping to take Finn into my arms. I peppered his chubby cheeks with light kisses, and he laughed, pushing my face away. “Where do I start apologizing? I’m so sorry, baby. Momma slept past your dismissal time.”
“It’s okay, Momma,” he squeaked as I placed him down and allowed him to lead me into the kitchen, Max following closely, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes unimpressed. “Look what I wrote Daddy. It’s a poem,” he held up a sheet of paper and I skimmed through the haphazard writing, smiling sheepishly.
“It’s beautiful,” I commended him, ruffling his hair. “I’m so proud of you. Don’t forget to dot your I’s and cross your T’s the next time, love.”
Max leaned his awesome body over the counter, clad in brand-new blue denim shorts, and a black singlet that hugged his body in all the right places. He had no slippers on, and I was distracted by the sight of his nipples poking the thin singlet fabric.
Focus, you fool. You’re in big trouble.
I moved out of the way for him to brush past me harshly, taking out a packet of juice from the refrigerator. He poured it into a glass cup and set it in front of Finn. “Drink up, little man. Momma and I would like to have a chat upstairs if you don’t mind,” he turned to me, his eyes narrowing.
I gulped, clenching my fists nervously. Finn raised a brow, exhaling softly. “Are you two going to argue with each other again?”
“What?” my jaw dropped. “God, no Finn. Why the hell would you say such a thing? Daddy and I don’t argue.”
He hid his face behind the cup, batting his lashes at me adorably. “But last time we came over, it happened.”
Shit. “We told you we were just having fun, silly. We’ll be back soon before you know it. Be a darling and look after the kitchen for us, will you?”
He nodded eagerly. “Okay, Mommy. I’ll be waiting.”
Max walked up the stairs calmly, and I followed him, trying to imagine the magnitude of his outburst. He had everything right to be pissed. Every right to scream my head off because I fucking deserved it. But in my defense, it wasn’t my fault that I was trying to beg Sue to drop the charges against him. How did he even get out of the police station, to begin with?
He drew his bedroom door open. “Get in,”
I ambled in meekly, whirling around to face him as he closed the door gently. “Max, I’m so sorry. I’d stayed back to plead with Sue to not put you in jail, and somehow I ended up on the floor, then I overslept…”
“Do you have any idea how worried I was?” he roared, glaring daggers at me. “How desolate Finn looked when I showed up? I thought you would follow me to the station, that you had the slightest respect for my wishes, but what did you do? You stay back, begging the same fucking woman who wanted to lock me up for a spot in her company.”
“That’s a lie!” I cried, shaking my head vehemently. “You were the reason why I stayed back. I admit that I was wrong, not following you to the station, but I wasn’t begging for any job. I was trying to save your arse.”
“If you had followed me to the station, then probably you’d have known that everything was just for show. I pull the strings anywhere. Sue has no right whatsoever to lock me up. You were supposed to know better. Finn was the only fucking child left in the entire school all on his own. You needed to see the way he was crying, waiting for you.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. He’s downstairs, listening to us rant like overgrown rabbits right now. What happened to your phone? Why was it not going through?”
“It was dead. The battery ran out while I was passed out.”
He tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean you were passed out?”
“That’s what I’m telling you but you wouldn’t let me talk. I still don’t know how it all played out, but a stranger found me passed out outside Benson Publishings and helped me to his home…”
“He slept with you?” his eyes turned dangerous. “You let him fucking touch you?”
“No, silly. He simply helped me. God knows what would’ve happened if he hadn’t seen me.”
“Let me get this straight,” I watched him as he began pacing about. “You mean a total, random stranger saw you passed out by the roadside and helped you to his home without touching you? What do you take me for? A toddler? Or are you that naive?”
“Believe it or not, Max. There are good men out there. I’m absolutely certain that he didn’t touch me. He’s not a leech.”
“So, you overslept in a strange man’s house and forgot to pick up your son?” he sneered. “How virtuous of you.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “You know that’s not true, Max. I’ve always been a good mother. For five years, I singlehandedly took care of him. You have no right to be dismissive of my great capabilities just because I made a mistake today.”
“No, Elaine, you’re wrong. It was all intentional. It’s all your fault. If you had stayed back home as a good mother would, this would never happen. You simply set the blocks for your negligence. You may have been a great mother before, but today you failed Finn. You disappointed him.”
“How many times will I have to tell you that it wasn’t my fault?! I was trying to save you. I was scared that I was going to lose you.”
“Lose me?” he laughed cynically. “Get off that narrative, Elaine. This has nothing to do with me but everything to do with you and your choices. It was your choice to oversleep in a strange man’s house. It was your choice to disappoint Finn today, do you hear me?”
I bit back my retort, my vision blurry with tears – guilty tears. I deserved this and more.
“Look, I don’t know what’s up with you but Finn comes first, okay? He comes first for me. And he should for you as well. I don’t want you to lose focus. It’ll make me do what I dread, and you won’t find it funny.”
He exited the room in a rush and I stood still, letting the gravity of his words settle like heavy blocks on my shoulders.
God. I felt like such a letdown. A disgrace.
Back downstairs, Max scooped a sleeping Finn into his arms, then walked briskly towards the car outside, never for once sparing a glance my way. It felt as though the walls between us had grown thicker, and for once, I felt like I was the cause of it.