“We’re here,” Max announced as we pulled up in front of his fancy mansion, grinning at Finn over his shoulder. “This is it, my boy. Daddy’s humble home, and yours as well.”
“Oh my goodness, really?” Finn gasped, jumping excitedly. I managed an eye roll and sat back with an exhale. I didn’t know why I felt so sour. Maybe it was due to the scent of the new leather exterior and Finn’s seat.
“It’s so big, Daddy!”
Max chuckled, unbuckling his seatbelt. I watched, face scrunched up in disgust as he got out and went over to help Finn out. “I’m glad you like it. Wait till you see the inside.”
“Yippe!” Finn clapped in glee. “Thanks for bringing me here, Daddy. I love our house.”
I resisted the urge to drag a hand down my face. Could this situation get any more pathetic? I didn’t know if I could survive it.
“We better get moving because I’ll be taking Finn back with me once your thirty minutes is up,” I huffed harshly as I unbuckled my seatbelt. “He just started preschool recently and has a lot of homework.”
“Oh, sure,” Max snorted without sparing me a glance. Finn looked confused, but I quickly patted his hair and beckoned at him.
“Come on, now. Let’s go,”
I held on to Finn’s hand tightly, trying to convince myself that I wasn’t acting like an overgrown, neglected baby. Finn and Max were getting along. It was what I’d always hoped for. What I’d dreamed of. What I’d wanted for so long, and I needed to be thankful. But I wasn’t happy about their connection. I hated the way Finn looked at Max – like I wasn’t the one who’d stood by him since birth. Like Max was the greatest person I’d deprived him of for so long, and now he’d finally gotten to meet him, I was literally relegated to second place.
No matter how much I tried to play it down, it hurt. A lot. Jealousy was an emotion I wasn’t familiar with. I hated how toxic it made me out to be.
This is not the way things are supposed to go.
We hurried up the steps leading into the main entrance, my heart pounding louder as we neared the door. I could picture it – the last time I was here; holding Max’s hand, laughing as I stared up at him in admiration. I craned my head to take a peek and saw that Finn was holding onto Max’s hand now, and swinging it.
Ugh. Max is replacing me so fast.
I shook my head, blowing out a breath. I couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t think straight.
It wouldn’t be ideal if I blamed Finn for falling in love with Max so fast. I understood how Max made one feel. Inclusive. Unique. Special. Loved. He had this art of making everything seem so bright and sunny, with him tucking the gray clouds away into his pockets like it was nothing. Finn was lucky to have him as a father, and I knew that Max would never betray him.
Ever.
Maybe that was what hurt me the most. That Finn got to have Max. All of him. For life, while I couldn’t. Glancing at him, it was hard to pinpoint the last time when I’d seen him look at me with so much love and adoration as he was doing to Finn right this minute. He hated me, and blamed me for everything, and no matter what I did, it would never be enough to erase the harm I’d caused.
I had no right to feel entitled. No reason to feel selfish. I’d lost such a great man, and it was all intentional. Trudging slowly behind them, my head lowered as I battled the overwhelming emotions pooling in my gut, Max’s laughter rang out like a sweet melody as he showed Finn around – into the rooms, the pantry, the kitchen, the gym… every luxurious space there ever was.
When he took us upstairs, to his room, my heart sank. “Here we are, Finny. Daddy’s room. Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Finn’s jaw dropped in shock as he ambled in, gaping around. “It’s so big. Can Mommy sleep here as well?”
“Finn!” I chided. “That is not – ”
“He only asked a question. Chill out,” Max intercepted, glaring daggers at me. I scoffed, folding my arms over my chest.
“I was talking to my son. Stay out of it.”
“Then you have to watch your tongue because he’s my son as well,” he fired back.
“I don’t have time for this,” I hissed, turning to Finn. “Finn, dear, forget it. Your father can have the whole room to himself. I’ll be fine.”
We lapsed into silence, one that stretched on as we walked down the corridor. “This is your room,” Max beamed, twisting the door handle and pushing the door open. My jaw slacked in shock as Finn and I looked in. The room was heavily decorated, with a sky-blue theme, a posh single bed, and children’s furniture and toys scattered all over the plush blue rug. The linen was a stunning cream-colored expensive denim, with PJ Masks cartoon figures hanging on the walls. There was a small brown desk close to the window, with attractive blue cushions next to it.
I had no words. It was beyond beautiful.
He’d really outdone himself this time around.
“Oh my God, Daddy,” Finn yelled, his eyes bulging, nearly popping out of their sockets. “This is all… mine?”
Max nodded. “Yes, son. You like it?” there was a tinge of hope in his voice, his eyes brimming with sheer happiness. Finn rushed into his arms and they held on tightly to each other for what felt like hours with Finn chanting his thanks repeatedly. I couldn’t handle it anymore. My eyes watered in seconds, tears rolling down my cheeks as I exited the room in a rush, slamming the door of Max’s room shut and sliding down the wall.
God. What was happening to me?
A few minutes later, Max came in and shut the door, squatting to peer at me in concern. I couldn’t even look up at him. “Are you okay?” he whispered.
I wiped my eyes, sniffling hard. “I wish I could say everything was fine, but that’s a lie I’ve grown so tired of telling.”
“You know you can say the truth and no one would do anything to you.”
I turned to him, staring into those blue gems he had as eyes. “No. I’m not fine. It’s hard.”
He raised a brow. “I don’t understand. What’s hard?”
“Can’t you see? I’ve practically sweated out these past five years since I gave birth to him. Slaving to give him everything a child deserves. Everything he ever wanted, and I couldn’t. But here you are, barely a week after you got to know him, providing every damn thing I couldn’t provide in a matter of hours. It makes me feel… useless.”
“Oh, Elaine,” he exhaled, pulling me into an embrace. “What the hell is the matter with you? This isn’t a competition. We’re his parents for crying out loud,”
“I know it’s not a competition,” I sobbed, sniffling. “But it feels like it. Your money makes you superior, and I hate the fact that I feel like a failure. You even paid my fucking rent.”
“It was the right thing to do, Elaine. I don’t want you working under me again. You’re the mother of my child, and that role is more than enough for you to handle.”
I pulled out of his grip, frowning. “But I never complained to you that I wasn’t capable of working for me and my son’s upkeep.”
“I never said you weren’t capable. I just don’t want you to work. Simple. What’s there not to understand?”
“You can’t control me. You lost the right to tell me what to do when you declared that things were over between us. I thought we had a future. I wanted us to, but with what I’ve seen over these past few days, I don’t think I’d want to ever have anything to do with you, other than Finn. So stop sounding so authoritative. You have no right to tell me if I have to work or not.”
“Yes I do,” he shot back, shoulders shaking with anger. “As long as you’re the mother of my child, it’s my duty to provide and your duty to look after my son. Over my dead body will I let you give my son half the attention he deserves. You’re not working and that’s final.”