There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed.
Sleep was that basic necessity that was sometimes hard to get enough of. And coupled with the loads of manuscripts Mr. Sturm ensured I took home with me every fucking day of the week, I wasn’t even sleeping my normal eight-hour ration. I always stayed up late till two, cutting down sleep time to four and when my alarm went off at five I was too groggy to even move. Some nights Cora stayed up with me to chat as I worked. Sometimes when I fell asleep on my makeshift desk near the window, she piled the manuscripts away and helped me to bed.
“You’re not going easy on yourself, Elaine,” she told me one Monday morning as we were having breakfast. Finn was already ready for school and was finishing up his homework on the sofa while I had taken my bath but hadn’t dressed up yet. “I understand that you’re a go-getter. You’re hardworking and hates having work piled up but don’t you think you should take good care of your health first? It’s taking its toll on you.”
Having spent minutes that felt like hours staring in the bathroom mirror, I had to agree that I was indeed sully-looking. There were huge bags and dark circles beneath my eyes and I looked aged like a grumpy, fifty-year-old lady. Finn had screamed when I woke him up, curling into a ball and started crying. I had a hard time convincing him that I wasn’t a monster by his own tired mother.
“I blame that bastard for putting you through this,” she seethed. We never mentioned Mr. Sturm plainly when Finn was near. I guess that showed how paranoid I’d gotten about keeping Finn a secret. “Doesn’t he have human sympathy? I wish there was a way for you to quit that arse job.”
I nodded, too tired to even talk. Over the past few weeks, he had sunken more and more into his work, treating me as he did with the other staff with civility. He wasn’t unnecessarily hostile anymore, but there were moments he became snappy which was always whenever I hanged around, discussing with the men folk in the lobby. Or asking one or two misters a few questions. If he was near, his eyes darkened and he snapped at me for no reason.
“He’s going away to Manhattan for a book launch on Friday,” I revealed. “He’ll not be back till Tuesday next week.”
“Thank God,” Cora made a sign of the cross. “You need to rest. Have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror? You look eighty!”
“I know, I know,” I sighed, looking down at my thighs and feeling very sorry for myself. “I can do anything for my boy. It’ll pay off sooner than you think. Trust me.”
“I hope so too.”
I got to the office late. I had to sort out a problem in Finn’s school, concerning the bruises he came back home with on Friday. Turned out, he was being bullied by his desk-mate and had been keeping it a secret from me. I was disheartened, and I lashed out to the proprietress who promised to do something about it. I couldn’t stand seeing my little boy hurt in any way, so I was contemplating changing schools when Mr. Sturm snapped his fingers in front of my face to draw my attention.
“Miss Matthews?” I shook my head, blinking up at his bright, blue eyes that were crinkled in confusion. Our faces were so close that I pushed back unconsciously, almost falling over.
“Careful,” he caught me, pulling me up. I steadied myself. “These swivel seats are no joke,” he chuckled good-naturedly. “What’s the matter? I’ve been standing here for the past ten minutes and you didn’t even notice.”
“I’m so sorry, Sir,” I bit my bottom lip, flushing as I stood. “It’s been a very busy weekend and I got lost back dear for a second. It won’t happen again, I promise.”
“Really?” he queried, lifting an eyebrow. “What happened?”
“Just personal stuff I’d rather not bore you with,” I averted my eyes, rubbing my sweaty palms on my dress. God, he looked so much like Finn. “Is there anything you’d need me to do for you?”
“Oh, yes…” he trailed off, disconcerted for a while. I waited patiently for him to speak. “I need you to go down to the parking lot and get the files I worked on during the weekend in my car. Here are the keys.”
On my way out, I realized that id didn’t even know his car. We never came to work at the same time, as he was always in the office before seven o’clock. I often wondered if he slept in the office and used the bathroom to clean up every morning but that was ridiculous. Waving at Vanessa who stood talking with Mr. Robinson, I stepped out of the building toward the parking lot.
He was filthy rich, so his car had to be the most expensive. Or so I thought. Glancing around the glossy, fancy-looking vehicles, I realized two things. One, every car there must cost a fortune and two; I had to be the only one in the entire company who took bus rides. I moved back inside to ask Vanessa if she knew Mr. Sturm’s car.
“It’s a sleek black Ford. There’s a separate lot for CEO’s and other executives close to the security house. That’s where he normally parks it.”
I thanked her gratefully, hurrying towards the security house. I swear to god, I’d never seen a car so sleek. The sun reflecting off the clean surface made it shine. He surely spent a hellish amount of money on it. I caught myself, wishing he’d given me the money instead and went for a smaller car. I knew that no matter the car’s worth, it’d be more than enough to tidy Finn’s education through College.
Retrieving the files from the back seat, I gasped in horror when I turned to see Manny Salazar. He was wearing a beautiful, purple Armani suit and his hair was gelled. I hadn’t counted on seeing him for a while after that cursed dinner weeks ago. My heart began thumping. “H-Hello, Sir.”
He didn’t reply, his eyes burning holes through my skull. I looked around, praying that Mr. Sturm didn’t just pop out of nowhere and see us together. That would raise a lot of questions, and I didn’t know what Manny had in mind. Cora had assured me that he wouldn’t spill, but seeing him here could only mean that he wanted to talk to Mr. Sturm.
“Elaine,” he finally breathed, tilting his head to the side. “Why are you so nervous? I came over to ask if Max is in.”
Still apprehensive, I managed a nod, my legs trembling. He picked up a file from the bundle and pretended to peruse through it. “What a startling coincidence. Seeing you here in New York after what happened years ago.”
I swallowed a lump, not really knowing what to say. I wouldn’t forgive him if he said anything about Finn to Mr. Sturm.
“I guess Max is still very much into you. He keeps talking about you every fucking minute and asking if he has a chance to marry you,” Manny’s eyes were inscrutable, so it was hard to know if he was telling the truth. Warmth lit up my insides. He wants to marry me. Oh god.
“And yet here you are keeping away what’s rightfully his,” his tone deepened, and his eyes turned scathing in rage. Blood drained from my face and I dropped my gaze to the ground, feeling whipped. “Do you realize that you’re hurting him?”
“I know what I’m doing,” I found my voice at last. “It’s just not the right time to tell him anything. The child was never planned for. It was a one-night-stand that was fun. Things went south, but that doesn’t mean that he gets to have a say in the boy’s life.”
“You’re wrong, Cherry. The boy is his as much as he is yours. It doesn’t matter if you two never planned anything, but you two share equal responsibilities of whatever happened. I know Max. Believe me, he was very annoyed with himself after you left that evening. He could’ve married you the next day if he hadn’t lied. He fell in love with you, Cherry. Why can’t you see that?”
I sighed, sensing the tears close by. The memories of all that happened after that night flooded my mind the pregnancy news…sacrificing my dreams…moving away while he was here in New York, taking care of his company and living the life he’d always wanted. “Why did he lie to me at all? Why did he not look for me if he really felt any connection at all? I bet that it wouldn’t make any difference if I’d stayed back in Manhattan and not moved here. I understand that you’re his friend, so you’ll always be on his side. No matter how wrong his actions are you’ll never see anything wrong with them!”
“Cherry…”
I held up a hand. “I apologize if what I’m about to say will hurt your ego. I don’t care about Max’s feelings. Yes, we made a mistake not using condoms that night, but that ‘mistake’ is now the center of my existence. My little boy is all that matters to me now. Not some selfish man who refused to tell me anything about him because he felt that what we shared was mere fun.” I paused to catch my breath, breathing hard. To say that I was pissed would be an understatement. I was on fire.
“If he loves me as he claimed, he’ll look for me with everything that’s in him. If I decide to excuse everything that happened in Manhattan, he’s still not a saint. He gave me this job just so he can treat me like crap and yet here you are telling me that he loves me? He gives me more work than he should and make me lose sleep every night because of edits and yet you say that he loves me?”
“If you could just listen to me, Cherry. I’m sure that there is some misunderstanding somewhere.”
“There is no misunderstanding. You don’t know your best friend the way I do. You might find him innocent but I don’t. He hurt me a lot, and I don’t think I’ll heal anytime soon.”
I left him standing there, pleased with myself. Within me, I felt some inner peace. I’d unburdened everything I was dying to say for so many years. I no longer cared if Manny wanted to tell Max about Finn, because I’d made up my mind to fight for my little boy no matter what.
And that was a promise I’d keep.