Maria
I’m not sure if my cousin Christian will let me leave, but he doesn’t seem to want me here on my own. After Mikhail leaves with Dad and Uncle Vito, I am escorted back to my room. I don’t complain. It’s after midnight, so I go to bed, and in the morning, I am given clean clothes and breakfast and practically pushed out the door.
The driver is polite but barely speaks to me the entire time. When I see Rurik sitting in one of our SUVs, waiting in a parking lot by the George Washington Bridge, I practically jump out of the vehicle and run to him.
“Thank you,” I smile sweetly as I fasten my seat belt.
“Maria Zakharovna.” Rurik’s voice is icy as he greets me.
As we pull up to their Long Island mansion, the gates open, and Rurik’s men stand at attention as the vehicle goes down the drive. Their eyes never leave me as I approach the front door. I’ve grown accustomed to Rurik’s frigid personality, but it sends a shiver down my spine to feel the same coldness from his men.
I nod curtly and step inside, expecting the warmth of Larissa’s presence to kill the chill in the air. But when I enter the sitting room, her greeting is just as cold as Rurik’s.
Maybe colder.
She liked Mercy and expressed sympathy for her situation, but her concern will always be with Mikhail.
I swallow hard. “Larissa, I need to talk to you.” I have to tell her about the hit. It pains me to see her so shaken, but there’s no way to say it softly. Her eyes widen as I reveal the details of Mikhail’s plan to go after the man responsible for Desmier’s murder. “The Lanzzare will watch over him,” I reassure her, but Larissa doesn’t seem convinced.
“Maria, you’re a fool! He’s a fool,” she snaps. “Doesn’t he remember what happened to Desmier? He was ambushed when he tried to kill the same man!”
“I trust my cousin to do the right thing.” I try to put her at ease. “And I trust Mikhail to handle it.”
“Did you even try to persuade him not to go?” she demands. Her worried expression slowly morphs into a nasty glare.
I hesitate to answer. “No,” I admit it. “I want him to go and do it.”
Larissa’s eyes widen in disbelief, and guilt settles on my shoulders. I love Mikhail, and I would do anything for him. But my family keeps coming first.
“Maria …” Larissa trails off, her voice wavering, and then she shakes her head.
“Look, I didn’t come here to argue,” I tell her, my tone a little too harsh. “I just wanted to make sure you knew what was happening.”
Larissa sits down, straightening her back as if she’s on a throne. “I heard a rumor that Mikhail shot some of his own men.”
“Rumors?” I scoff. “That isn’t gossip. It’s the truth. And Mikhail-” I choke back a sob, forcing myself to continue. “He killed them, Larissa. If he hadn’t …”
“I know.” She looks at me with a mixture of pity and disgust. “He didn’t want to, but he had to. All to protect your family. You’ve become quite ruthless, Maria Zakharovna. Cruel, even. It’s either us or them, isn’t it?”
“Alexander took my cousin!” I shout. “He’s trying to sell her. This is the only way, Lara!”
“You sound just like him,” she murmurs, looking away. She folds her hands in her lap and stares out the window as a guard passes by the window.
“Who? Mikhail?” I ask, feeling a little ashamed but also proud.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “Like my father.”
I flinch at the mention of their father, but I refuse to let her see how much that comparison hurts. “I won’t lose sight of who I am, Larissa,” I say, my voice trembling slightly. “I may be a child of both the Lanzzare and the Ivanov, but my loyalty will always be with Mikhail.”
“Right now, I have a hard time seeing the Ivanov side in you,” she replies coldly.
Her words sting, but I push through the pain. I’m walking a dangerous tightrope for love, revenge, and family. An unforgivable past fuels our hate, and I wonder if a truce will ever be possible.
I feel trapped by all my decisions and actions. It’s a game of power and control, and I’m learning the rules while everyone else knows how to play. But I hold onto hope, even if it means embracing sins I thought I’d never commit.
“You’ve learned to play this game better than I thought,” Larissa says, speaking as if she can read minds. “But the better a player you become, the more people you’ll be willing to hurt.”
“That’s not fair,” I protest, but think of all the people who aren’t here because of me.
“Would you hurt me if that’s all part of the plan?” She looks at me with an intensity that makes me squirm.
I stumble over my words, trying to make her understand that hurting anyone is the last thing I want. “Lara, I … I’d never hurt you. You have to know that.”
“Yet you are willing to send my brother off to do your dirty work,” she snaps, turning away from me. Her voice cracks, and I know she’s trying to hold back tears. “Leave me alone.”
I’m reluctant to leave the room, but I do. She’s not wrong. Somehow, I have become the source of her pain. As I close the door behind me, I press my ear against it, listening. A sniffle reaches my ears, and guilt washes over me like a sudden downpour.
Mikhail was right. I’m losing my innocence.
No, I correct myself. It’s already gone.
Standing outside the door, my choices weigh on me. Larissa’s warning echoes in my mind, making me question how many more people I’m willing to hurt for my goal. My love for Mikhail has led me down that same path of revenge. It’s forcing me to choose between staying true to myself or getting what I want. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
My focus is on protecting my baby and securing my future with Mikhail, even if it means embracing my inner darkness.
This is all temporary. It has to be.
Right?
I walk down the hallway with a heart weighed down by my decisions. Rurik appears from around a corner, a look of concern in his eyes when he catches sight of my expression.
“Is everything all right?” he asks, his gruff voice filled with surprising gentleness.
“Of course,” I reply, forcing a smile. “Just tired.”
“What happened since the penthouse?” Rurik asks. “I want to hear your version.”
We walk into the living room, and I unburden myself to Rurik. I’ve never thought of him as a confidante, but the concern in his expression makes me trust him and see him differently. It’s because he listens without judgment. And if he does judge, he holds it in until I’m done talking.
I start to understand why Larissa loves him.
Rurik pats my shoulder and pauses for a moment before speaking. “Doubt is the worst emotion to fall prey to, Maria Zakharovna. It can eat you alive from the inside. Does she need me?”
I nod quickly, not daring to ask.
Rurik leaves the room, and from down the hallway, a door slams, and I hear Larissa’s voice. “No, Rurik. You promised to guard me. That was his order.”
I turn and watch Rurik walk past and disappear out the side door, and Larissa scrambles to keep up with his long strides. He shuts the door between them, forcing her to stay in the house. When she turns, I see the pain on her face, and then she sees me. Her face turns into a mask of hate as she stares at me before she runs to her bedroom.
I hurry off to the guest room, and I feel a sudden fluttering sensation in my belly. My hand instinctively goes to my stomach, and I wonder if it’s the baby kicking. Can I truly raise my child in this world of violence?
Will I one day be sending out my own child to kill someone in the name of protecting our family?
Is that not what Gennady did to his sons?
You sound just like him. Like my father.
Larissa’s sharp words chill me to the bone.
This is a wake-up call. My guilt over using Mikhail’s authority and Larissa’s trust to achieve my goals eats away at the edges of my conscience. I know what I’m doing is wrong, yet I still justify it by thinking it will work out for everyone in the end.
What if things don’t necessarily work out? What if the cost of being with Mikhail is too great? What if I lose him in the process?
“Maybe there’s another way,” I whisper to myself. “One where no one else has to get hurt.”
But if I believe I can save the world, then perhaps I’m the biggest fool in it.