Maria
I slowly open the box and take out the test. My hands tremble as I read the instructions. I follow them carefully, making sure to get enough urine on the strip. As I stare at the tiny stick, I feel like I’m holding my entire future in my hand. A sudden wave of nausea washes over me, and I wonder if it’s just nerves or a sign that I really am pregnant. When it passes, I set the test on the counter and wait for the results.
I pace back and forth in front of the sink, trying to calm my doubting thoughts. The minutes drag by, and I’m scared to look at the test. I don’t want to know. I don’t want this to be happening. As I wait, my mind plays out scenarios. None of them are good. Am I really pregnant? And if so, what will Mikhail do when he finds out? Fear squeezes my heart like a vise.
If he’s willing to use me for bait, what will he do to my child?
Finally, I can’t take not knowing anymore. I take a deep breath and look at the test, and my heart free falls into my stomach.
Two lines.
Positive.
I’m pregnant.
I sink to the floor, overwhelmed by what this means. I put my head in my hands, and tears spring to my eyes as all sorts of emotions flood into me-dread, uncertainty, and even a small flicker of hope. But all of them circle back to the same thing: what will Mikhail do when he discovers the truth?
A sudden knock on the door snaps me out of my misery. I quickly wipe my tears away and stand up. “Yes?” I try to hide that I’ve been crying.
“Koshka?” Dominika enters the bathroom, but she doesn’t need to ask anymore as I throw myself into her. She hugs me close like the mother I never knew, and I start crying in earnest-shoulder-shaking sobs.
“It’s positive,” I choke out.
“If you need help …” Dominika whispers. “I know someone. No one will ever know.”
It takes me a moment to register what she is suggesting. And as soon as I do, another thought crosses my mind. What will Mikhail do if he finds out you did that?
I pull back and stare at Dominika. “I-I can’t,” I whisper.
“So long as this is your choice, koshka.” She nods and squeezes my hand reassuringly. “It will be okay,” she says softly. “You have me.” She wraps her arms around me and lets me cry until I have nothing left.
I feel lost and alone, and I’m not sure what to do. My whole life has been turned upside down, and now I’m faced with a choice that will change everything. But I can’t let go of the hope that maybe, just maybe, Mikhail will not use my baby the way he used me.
“I …” I wipe my face with my hands. “I want to talk to Larissa.”
“Of course.” Dominika nods. “I will arrange for her to come as soon as possible.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, staring steadily into Dominka’s eyes. There is no malice there, no hidden agenda, and nothing but the concern of a woman who has seen much and knows even more.
And in that moment, I know I can trust her.
“Please remember, koshka.” Dominika glances at the open door and then shuts it quietly. “As much as she likes you … Mikhail is her brother, and Rurik is his loyal brigadier. Say only what is necessary, and nothing more.”
I nod, but I know I can trust Larissa.
I know that Larissa will help me.
I stayin my room and eat breakfast after I change. Mikhail stopped questioning what I do alone in my room some time ago. He thinks I’m scared or stubborn. I am scared, but not for thereason he thinks. He thinks I’m afraid of him for no good reason except that he exists.
He has no idea.
There’s a soft knock on my door, and I know it’s Larissa. She enters immediately, carrying a large bag. “I brought some things I thought might cheer you up,” she says, smiling warmly.
“Thank you,” I reply, smiling back. I’m grateful for her kindness, but I doubt I need anything from Ulta.
Larissa sets the bag down and sits beside me on the bed. Her presence is instantly comforting. “Dominika said you wanted to talk?” she asks.
“I do.” I wring my hands.
This is it. My last chance to keep the secret a secret. How does that old saying go? Tell one person, it’s still a secret. But tell two, and you tell the world.
She looks at me expectantly and I decide that there’s no easy way, so I leap right into it.
“I think I might be pregnant.” The half-truth leaves me feeling both relieved and terrified. “And I don’t know what to do.”
Her eyes widen with surprise, but her expression quickly changes to concern. “Are you sure?”
“I took a test …” I whisper, holding up the positive test for her to see.
Larissa stares at it. For a moment, she looks shaken and confused, as if she doesn’t know how to react. Then she wraps her arms around me in a powerful hug. “Oh, Maria,” shemurmurs, her voice thick with emotion. “Have you told Kolya?” she asks gently.
“No.” I shake my head, not daring to look at her. “And I don’t want to.”
She pulls back and grasps my hands. “Then don’t. He may not react the way he ought to.”
“But I can’t keep it a secret from him,” My voice cracks. “He’ll find out eventually. And if he knows that I kept this from him …”
Larissa sighs and gives my hands a slight squeeze. “It’s okay,” she says softly. “You still have time.”
“Time for what?” My voice reveals my anxiety. “I haven’t decided yet if I want to keep it.”
Larissa lets go of my hands. Her dark eyes are stern, her expression serious as she stares at me, and suddenly, she grips my shoulders. Hard. “You must.”
I blink in surprise at her sharp tone and the pressure of her fingers digging into my flesh.
“Why?” I gasp.
Larissa’s grip loosens, and a quiver in her voice betrays her own desperation. “It’s for your own safety.”
“But-”
“My brother is not our father.” She puts a finger to my lips. “He will not hurt his own child.”
She opens her mouth as if she wants to say something else. But she doesn’t. And that’s all the confirmation I need of my own suspicions.
I nod. “Okay,” I agree quietly.
She smiles, and her features relax.
“I’ll do everything I can to protect you and the baby,” she murmurs, kissing my forehead. “I promise.”
I close my eyes and rest my head against her shoulder. I will myself to trust Larissa. I let myself feel safe, like nothing can harm me now. Larissa strokes my back gently, and I know she means what she says.
I trust her enough to ask for a favor. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I can do this. I have to do this.