Cara
I stand on the balcony outside of our bedroom and look out at the lake.
Light glitters on the waves. The sun’s sinking in the sky, leaving it all pinks and purples. It’s funny how I’ve gotten so used to this place already. I’m in cashmere and silk and a pair of fuzzy slippers against the coming fall chill. I’ve never owned clothes like this before in my life, but Eros keeps insisting that I dress like his wife.
Even though our agreement is at an end.
It’s strange how when I first got here, the idea of dressing in fancy outfits repulsed me. Now though, I’m beginning to love all the different styles and options I have.
We haven’t discussed what to do now that Christopher is gone and the war is over. I don’t need to stay here anymore-nobody will chase me down if I leave the city. Our agreement is complete and our deal is at an end.
But every time I work up the courage to say something, the words don’t leave my lips, and he hasn’t broached the subject.
We keep living like this. In limbo, uncertain. Like we’re actually married.
I eat dinner with Helen and Dimitra most nights. I go to the diner during the day and take a few shifts. Demetrios falls over himself to be kind to me, but Phel promises he’ll get used to the whole Mrs. Khazan thing one day.
Things are good. I’m happy. Eros wears the wedding ring and sleeps in bed with me.
He treats me like his wife.
Except I don’t know what we are, and I don’t know how to ask.
“You look good like that.”
I turn and smile as Eros lingers near the sliding door.
“Were you watching me for long?”
“A little while.” He comes over and leans against the railing next to me. “The lighting’s nice right now. If I had a camera, I’d take your portrait.”
“I didn’t know you had an artistic side.”
“Normally, I don’t, but now that the Italians are all dead-” He shrugs. “I have time for a new hobby.”
I grin at him and lean against his strong shoulder. “How did the meeting go?”
“They’re a mess,” he says softly. “The new Don’s a young kid. Looks like he’s been spending the last few weeks murdering all his rivals, and I guess he’s the only one left standing.”
“Are they going to agree to your terms?”
“I ended up giving them one way out of this. Leave the city for good.”
I raise my eyebrows. “He agreed?”
“He did, and I think he’ll honor it. He’s smart enough to know that if they don’t go, I’m going to kill them all. But we’ll see.” He frowns at me for a long moment. “They asked for something, and I wasn’t sure what to say. I told them I had to talk to you first.”
I pull back slightly in surprise. “You don’t normally involve me in your business.”
“The Don asked for Chris Conti’s body back.”
I stare at him. A thousand feelings rip through me. Sorrow, anger, rage. How dare they ask for that scumbag back? But what does it matter to me anymore? “I guess that means he’s dead.”
“Very dead. If you want to refuse them, I’ll understand. We’ll dump what’s left of your former husband in the lake-”
“No, it’s okay.” I wave him off. “Go ahead, give the body back. I bet his mother wants it.”
“Did you know her? The mother?”
“Met her a few times, but I think she was as afraid of her son as I was. Maybe she wants to spit on his body one more time before he’s tossed in a hole somewhere.” I laugh to myself and feel the emotions drain away.
I lean heavily against Eros and let his words sink in.
I knew Christopher was dead-
But to hear it finally confirmed.
The weight of him slowly lifts from my shoulders. It’s like a fishing hook’s been caught in my guts for years, but now it’s gone. There’s still an ugly, ragged hole where the bastard ripped into me, but I can finally start healing.
It’ll take a while to recover, and I might never be fully whole again. I’ll always have the memories. I’ll always have the nightmares.
But at least I can start moving on.
“All right then. Consider it done, asteraki mu.” He wraps an arm around my waist and his fingers dig into my hip. “It’s getting cold. Let’s go inside.”
“Wait,” I say, holding onto him. “Hold on.” I clear my throat and force myself to feel brave for once in my life. “I’ve been thinking. Christopher’s dead. The war’s over.”
“Yes, that’s true,” he says, staring at me with that intensely expressive glare. “You’re free now, aren’t you?”
“I am,” I whisper. “More than I’ve ever been before.”
“What will you do with your new freedom?” He doesn’t look away. His grip on me tightens, pulling me closer.
Neither of us speaks. I want him to tell me not to go. I want it so badly, it’s like a knife burrowing down into my heart.
But he’s not going to do it. I know he won’t-that’s not the sort of man Eros is. He tries, but he’s never open with his feelings, and if I put myself out there only to be rejected, I don’t know how I can come back from that.
I’m too fragile and raw.
“Eros-” I start, but he shakes his head.
“Wait,” he says, voice heavy with strain. “Before you say anything, I need to tell you.”
“Yes?” I whisper, heart racing, palms sweating. Please, Eros, I want to hear it, I want it so badly it kills me. I need him to say the words first, because if it’s not him then it’ll be nobody. I can’t put myself out there after Christopher, not unless I’m sure.
He brushes his knuckles across my cheek. He looks into my eyes, coming closer. Please let this be it, finally it, please.
“I don’t want you to leave me.”
It’s like my heart finally swells. I feel bigger, fuller than I ever have before, though I think I might pass out from the stress. “You don’t?” I manage to say.
“Stay with me,” he says. “I can’t hold back anymore. I can’t keep trying to be strong, when I know I’m weak for you, Cara. God, I’m so fucking weak for you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before. Stay with me. Stay my wife. Don’t go.”
I throw myself at him and crush his lips with mine. It’s awkward and aggressive but it’s all I can do. I kiss him, kiss him, taste him, because I needed to hear that. Tears roll down my cheeks and he must know I’m crying, but he holds me tight and keeps kissing me, until we finally break apart. I’m grinning like an idiot.
“I love you too,” I say. “God, it took you long enough.”
He barks a laugh and kisses me again.
My husband. My lovely, lovely husband. Opening himself, just like I want to open myself.
“I’m guessing that means you want to stay?” he whispers.
“So long as you keep treating me like your wife every night.”
“I can do that.”
“Then you have a deal.”
He wipes my tears away and his fingers grip my ass tightly. “How about we start now? I’ll wear the ring. I’ll call you mine.”
“And I’ll be all yours.”
He takes my hand and leads me into our bedroom.