52

Cara
“It’s not me he wants, but a wife.” I lean against the wall behind the diner, the wall where Hector came and found me over a week ago now.
Phel smiles sadly. “Are you sure about that? He could’ve gotten a wife a long time ago if he really wanted. I mean, he’s good looking, has lots of money, and he’s a freaking Khazan. I bet there’s a line around the block with women that would die to get hitched to all that.”
“Then he should’ve chosen one of them.” I stare at the engagement ring. It looks so small and lost now that I’m not wearing the matched wedding band. I feel like I’m losing the thread of why we got involved together in the first place. “It wasn’t about me, it was just, let’s have babies, let’s show my family I’m serious, and now I’m afraid we rushed into it.”
Phel’s quiet for a moment. “Did you tell him all that?”
“I tried to, but he only glared and grunted at me.”
“That’s basically him trying to communicate, but he’s stuck in the Stone Age.”
I try not to laugh, but it’s hard to hold back when I feel like I’m jittery and on fire. “It’s like whenever the issue of feelings comes up, he just can’t say whatever he’s thinking.”
“Welcome to Greek men.” Phel rolls her eyes and leans forward to stare at Alonzo. My bodyguard’s lurking at the end of the alley out of earshot, but close enough that we’re not out of sight. “I bet that one’s the same way.”
“He’s fine,” I say, waving him off. “Nice enough anyway.”
“Look, hon, I don’t envy you, you know? The house is nice and all but I can’t imagine how complicated it’s got to be getting married to a freaking crime lord. But what can you do?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “You saw what happened the other week. I don’t exactly have much choice.”
She’s quiet for a long moment. Then, very softly, she says, “Why did you two get married to begin with? It feels pretty obvious that you weren’t in love when you chose to get hitched. Are you using him as much as he’s using you?”
I stiffen slightly. I haven’t come out and told her that our relationship is a fake, that’s it an arrangement. I’ve skirted the issue, hinted at it a few times, but now it feels like she’s finally putting it together.
I want to tell her the truth. It would feel so good to admit to someone, anyone at all, how freaking messed up my marriage to Eros really is, but that would be a betrayal of the promise I made to him.
Instead, I only shake my head. “I don’t even know anymore. It’s just that Christopher treated me like I was a thing he could use and abuse however he wanted, and I’m terrified that Eros’s going to start looking at me the same way.”
Which is true.
When he started talking about making our marriage real, I felt something deep inside my chest. It was like an ember, the beginning of a blaze. I wanted to let that fire roar, to finally release all the emotions I’ve been suppressing for a while now.
I wanted to admit that I caught emotions. I caught them hard, and now I’m stuck with them.
But instead, he made it clear that this marriage would remain an arrangement, beneficial for us both but not about something more.
That scared the hell out of me.
I was already in one loveless relationship.
I can’t survive another one.
Not that I think Eros would be abusive-but even giving myself to another man knowing that he doesn’t love me the way I love him, I just don’t think I can live like that.
I went through too much pain to escape that situation once.
In the end, I can’t trust. As much as I want to, I can’t let my guard down and trust Eros.
After Christopher, it’s like the idea of trying to be married for real is terrifying.
The only reason it’s tolerable now is the time limit. I know it’s not forever-I can leave when I’m ready to leave.
I’m not trapped.
But committing to this for the long-term? Actually becoming a part of the family?
Having kids?
That’ll guarantee a lifetime with him.
I took birth control and lied about it for years to avoid that with Christopher-and I’m still taking them now.
Getting off birth control scares me to death.
Phel pats my knee and stands up. “I’m on your side in all this, you know that. But if you want my opinion, I think you should just admit that you two both want to make this thing work, and actually work on it.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Look, Greek men, they’re never going to say what they actually think, yeah? They’ll dance around it a million different ways first. Something about their masculine pride means they’re kind of idiots.”
“Eros’s pretty direct with what he’s thinking.”
She shakes her head. “That’s different. Here, watch this.” She turns toward Alonzo and waves at him. “Hey, guard boy, come over here.”
He frowns at her for a moment, hesitating. Alonzo’s a big man, in his mid-twenties, with dark hair and light green eyes, handsome enough. He walks toward us, one hand on the holster hidden under his jacket at his hip. “Do you need something?” he asks, looking at me.
I shrug. “That’s up to Phel.”
“Listen, Alonzo, right?” She faces him, hands on her hips.
He glances at her. “That’s right.”
“I’m Ophelia. I’ve seen you hanging around here. Let me ask you something, okay? And I want you to be completely honest.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Go ahead.”
She tilts her chin in the air, staring into his eyes, and for a second, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I’m actually sort of in awe of her.
“Do you find me attractive?” she asks sweetly.
His eyes widen. “Excuse me?”
I stifle a laugh. My god, beautiful and insane. The perfect combination.
“It’s not a hard question.” Phel puts a hand on her hip and I try not to laugh harder. “Do you. Find me. Attractive?”
His expression narrows as he tilts his head to the side. “I find some aspects about you attractive.”
Phel shakes her head and looks at me. “See what I mean? Physically unable to give a straight answer.”
“I find your looks attractive,” he says loudly, interrupting her. “I find your laugh attractive. I find your smile attractive. You have beautiful eyes.” He steps closer, a grin spreading across his face. “But that attitude? Not my type.”
Phel blinks at him in shock. I finally break down and burst out, cracking up, unable to help it. Phel looks like she wants to kick him in the crotch, but he’s smirking so hard his face might break, and finally Phel shakes her head, giving him a grudging smile in return.
“All right, guard boy, that’s not bad.”
“Anything else, Mrs. Khazan?” Alonzo asks, but he’s staring at Phel the whole time.
“No, nothing, and sorry about Ophelia. I think she has a crush on you.”
“What?” She shakes her head, eyes wide. “Wait, no, that was just-”
“Greek women, they’re physically incapable of just saying what they feel. If you want to date me, Ophelia, I’d be happy to take you out. It’d be a pity date, but hey, better than nothing.” He waves and walks off.
I howl with laughter at Phel’s stunned expression. Slowly, she slides down and sits next to me, knees pulled to her chest.
“Pity date? That backfired,” she says.
“Yeah, it really did.” I put an arm around her and hug her tight. “But thanks, I needed that.”
“Glad I could be your comedic relief.”
“I’ll think about what you said, okay? I just don’t want to stay married to him forever if this relationship is just about making his captains happy and pumping out his heirs, that’s all.”
Phel’s quiet for a second. “Why did you two get hitched to begin with? You talk about it like it was never meant to be forever, but my understanding of marriage is it’s usually pretty serious.”
I push myself to my feet. “Can I just not answer that question? And just say that it’s complicated?”
“You can,” she says, watching me. “But I’ll still be worried about you.”
“I’m fine. Really, I’m fine. I live in a house with a fish in the floor, remember? Who wouldn’t be fine?”
I give her my best smile and walk off with a wave, heading back to Alonzo, to the car, and back to the beautiful mansion.