*Grayson*
My room was the messiest it had ever been in years, my bed strewn with travel brochures and maps. After spending hours surfing the internet and jumping from one website to the other, I’d finally picked a new destination for myself. The thought of starting a new life away from all the troubles that came with ruling the pack had seemed like the best decision to take. My brows furrowed when my phone began buzzing on the nightstand.
I picked it up to see a text from Ryan, requesting to meet with me in my study. I pushed away from the bed, already knowing what he wanted to talk about. I silently hoped he had finally seen reason with me. I left the map open on my bed, marking the page with a bookmark, and made my way downstairs to the study. Ryan was standing by the window when I got in, his back to me. He turned to face me when he heard the creak of the door.
“Hey,” He greeted lightly. I closed the door and stepped further inside the room. He pinched the bridge of his nose, staring at the book shelves for a second. “I’ve thought a lot about your offer,” He admitted. “I talked it over with Ginny and. . . if you really insist you must step down, then I’m ready to accept your offer.” A surge of happiness washed over me, and I couldn’t help but grin. I strode over to him, pulling him into a brief hug and clapping my hand on his back.
“Thank you,” I said gratefully. “And congratulations, Ryan. You’ll make an incredible leader. The pack will be lucky to have you.” His face broke into a small smile, and some of the seriousness lifted from his eyes. I gestured for him to take a seat. He watched me closely as I sat across from him, the seriousness in his expression returning.
“You’ve keep avoiding discussions about Keera.” He noted. The atmosphere instantly dampened at the mention of Keera. I waved my hand dismissively in the air, in a bid to avoid the topic, but Ryan pressed on. “You’re not going to reach out to her, invite her to. . . well, to reject her officially?” I shrugged, trying not to give away how affected I was by the situation. The only reason I’d wanted to officially reject her as my mate was so I could mate with someone else. I wasn’t interested in doing either anymore.
Something had been broken inside me with Keera’s absence. I’d been fine before she’d arrived at the pack, before I’d met her and realized she was my fated mate. Everyone knew an Alpha was his strongest when he was with his mate and since I couldn’t get my shit together with her, it only made sense I let someone else take over. Keera had made her decision and it clearly wasn’t me. I didn’t want to continue dwelling on the ache she had left, or the void I was certain no one aside from her would ever fill.
Ryan raised an eyebrow at my prolonged silence. “I really don’t want to make contact with her right now.” I hedged. I was going to do it when I was ready, when I was sure the sight of her wouldn’t have me doubling over in pain and longing. “I’ll do it when I feel the time is right.” My tone left no room for argument, clearly indicating I was done talking about it. We both knew the rejection was no longer significant if I was going to step down as Alpha. It wouldn’t matter anymore what I did or who I decide to be with.
“Understood.” He replied simply, steering the conversation elsewhere. “When were you thinking of having the handover?” I ran my tongue over my teeth, wondering whether or not to let him know I wanted to get it done as soon as possible. There really wasn’t any point delaying the ceremony, when Ryan and Ginny were ready to step up to the task. I knew Ginny would want to talk to me about my decision. She probably wanted Ryan to get back to me with a reply first.
“How about in a few hours? I asked carefully.
“A few hours?” he echoed, alarmed. “You’re not thinking of abandoning us, are you?”
“No, Ryan, I’m not abandoning anyone.” I answered calmly. I let out a deep exhale. “I admit that I’d rather rule the pack with Keera by my side, but since that’s not going to happen, I need a break.” I didn’t want to let him know of my plans to leave the pack just yet, even though we both knew it was unlikely that I would stay. “Can you gather the pack members? I want to get the handover out of the way now that it’s been finalized.” I told him I wasn’t going to inform the council beforehand since I didn’t want them trying to change my mind.
Not that they could.
Ryan nodded in understanding and we both stood up, ending the discussion. “We’re going to miss you, Grayson.” He admitted, pulling me for a brief hug and patting my back. I felt a lump form in my throat as I hugged him back, grateful for his unwavering support.
“Thanks, Ryan,” I said, my voice muffled against his shoulder. “Thank you for everything.” I didn’t have to explain what I was thanking him for. His support, his service to the pack, his encouragement, his love for my sister, his commitment to carrying out his duties, his friendship. He’d become such an integral part of my life in only a couple of years since he’d joined the pack after mating with Ginny. He took a step back, his eyes shining with emotion before he left the room.
My chest tightened and not for the first time, I hoped I was making the right decision. A few minutes later, the entire pack had been assembled , their faces a mix of curiosity and concern. I squared my shoulders, delving right into the matter. “I’m not going to sugarcoat it.” I began. “I’ve come to realize I’m not in the best position to continue leading you.” The murmurs I’d been expecting began but I pressed on, my voice louder. “I’ve failed you in many ways, and I think it’s time for someone else to take the reins.”
My gaze swept across the crowd, meeting the eyes of my pack members. “Ryan has agreed to take over as Alpha, and I have every confidence he’ll do an amazing work.” I took a deep breath, ignoring their noises of protest. “I’m stepping down, effective immediately, and Ryan would be taking over.” The murmurs and whispers grew into a flat out objection but I raised my hands, silencing them. “I know this may come as a shock, but I believe this is for the best. Ryan is more than capable of leading you, and I know he’ll make you proud.”
I’d spotted Ginny’s concerned gaze in the pack but I’d been quick to drift my gaze elsewhere. My eyes locked onto Ryan’s, taking in the pensive expression on his face. I gestured for him to take hold of the sacred candle. “Let’s proceed with the ritual.” I said quickly. The last thing I wanted was for him to begin second guessing his decision because of the pack’s reaction.
He took hold of the candle.
“Wait!” Someone screamed from the crowd. The familiar tone was like a punch to the gut, and my heart lurched. I whipped my head around, scanning the crowd until my eyes locked on Keera. She was pushing through the sea of bodies, her determined expression a mixture of worry and urgency. The sight of her caused a weird feeling to storm my chest as different emotions vied for dominance. I held on to the anger that I felt boiling beneath my skin as memories of intense longing and hurt flooded my mind.
Why was she here?
She reached the raised platform, her wide eyes taking in the scene before her. Her gaze darted from Ryan to the candle and then to the pack gathered below. Her face was etched with worry, and for a moment, my resolve wavered. Dear goddess, I’d missed her so much. The thought that she was here for me to officially reject her felt like I’d been thrown into an ice bath. I couldn’t let my emotions cloud my judgment, not now. Keera took a step closer, her voice barely above a whisper. “Grayson, what are you doing?”
What was I doing?
My expression immediately turned cold. She raised her hands to touch me but I moved away from her reach. “You’re disrupting a ceremony.” I said icily. Her eyes flashed with hurt, but I reminded myself she had no right to act like the victim. She had played with my emotions, toyed with my feelings, made me fall helplessly in love with her and then left me to myself.
Her face fell at my dismissal.
I fisted my hands, hating how much she’d tilted my world with just her presence. Had I learned nothing? The lonely nights, the days I spent waiting for a text from her, the fact that she’d never said that she loved me. I felt like I’d been thrown into a spotlight, with the pack members watching sympathetically. I was tired of her blowing hot and cold, tired of her running away whenever things got tough and never choosing to fight for what we had together.
“You know, Keera, now that you’re here, we might as well conduct the rejection,” I said, my voice firm and detached. I watched a tear slip from her eyes and barely stopped myself from flinching, angry with myself for still being affected by her. I ignored her head shake, signaling Ryan to pause with the hand over rites. Her tears came faster but I refused to be moved by them. I had already been down this road and I knew where it led.
“Grayson,” She sobbed. “I’m sorry. I-”
“Don’t.”
My voice was stony, a clear indication that I was tired of her games. The hardness in my expression only made her more determined, her eyes flashing with desperation. She took a step towards me, raising her voice slightly. “I’m sorry.” She begged. “Please. I’m sorry for being a coward and never admitting the depth of my feelings for you. I’m sorry for leaving you to fight for us over and over again. I’m sorry, so sorry. . .” Her apologies kept pouring out.
I clenched my jaws, my anger simmering just below the surface. I was so tired of the back and forth, of the constant ache in my chest. When would it end? Keera closed the distance between us, trying to reach for me again, but I was prepared for her. I gripped her wrists forcefully before she could make contact, startling her. She look frightened by the look in my eyes. “Grayson I’m here now, I-”
“Here?” I snapped, shaking her lightly. The rest of the pack melted away in that, and it was just us, lost in our own private hell. Forced to confront the mess we’d gotten ourselves into. We both knew I had never been as annoyed with her as I was in that moment. “How convenient,” I scoffed. “What? You’re here because your life isn’t as beautiful as you’d thought it would be?” She flinched at my words and I knew I’d struck a cord.
She shook her head, wiping her tears away even though they kept coming. “You know that’s not it,” she whispered helplessly, her voice barely audible over the sound of her own sobbing. Her eyes pleaded, but my heart was fortified, locked away from her reach. My grip on her wrists tightened, my fingers digging into her skin as our gazes collided.
“Then what is it, Keera?”