When you run, you never realize you’re doing it. You never think it’s ever going to circle. You just presume you’d keep on running.
I stopped believing in God a long fucking time ago. I don’t pray, I never hope.
The day I left Kanla I left my faith behind, abandoned my family and froze my heart. The only thing I took was my soul. I needed something to survive and I did.
Didn’t ever think I’ll come back and see Lauren standing on my front lawn.
Never thought I’ll see her alone, unmarried, looking at me as if she still loved me, with a single tear sliding down her Ivory cheek.
She’s still so fucking beautiful. Daisy Jane never told me Lauren still lived in my place, then again Daisy Jane never told me her friend Hannah had such a damn big mouth.
No wonder her man ditched her ass. She probably busted the guys’ balls to smithereens.
I break my eye contact with Lauren as Killer smacks the back of my head, just in time to see Hannah walking to her house. Shit, I completely forgot about her. I flinch realizing that I just asked her out then basically got hooked on my past, forgetting her existence.
That must’ve stung, but it is what it is, Hannah is hot, but her mouth and her kids’ temper tantrums aren’t gonna make her memorable. Yeah, I’m a dick but it’s the fucking truth.
So I shrug that off and focus on the girl I actually came here for.
“You look good Lauren.” Not sure why I say the obvious, still leaning on my bike.
She doesn’t disappoint as she steps closer to the pavement, closer to me. That’s Lauren for you, no matter how angry I got, how scary I looked, she never feared me.
“Daisy Jane told me you comin’, I was just packing somethings to stay with Ms. Martha while you were in town.” Her voice is so fucking uncertain, there is no anger there.
I fucking left her two days before our wedding. I didn’t say goodbye. Where’s the hitting, the swearing, shit, this is unreal.
I don’t move as I stare into her purple gaze that I never got tired of. Her red hair practically fuckin’ glows in the sun. I just stand there, again unable to even tell you if I’m breathing. So many memories.
Good memories, great. I’m here in front of our house, in the sun and I can’t tell you why I left her.
Why the hell did I leave this woman?
I know I should tell her something, answer her question as she stands there in her tiny shorts looking like the young nineteen-year-old girl I left behind but I got no words. Never thought the day would come when I got nothing.
Killer nudges me and while most of the time I hate that the fucking brother thinks it’s okay to hit everyone when he fucking pleases I’m glad this time. Don’t need to be acting pussy whipped when I got a missing woman to find.
Beggar comes first.
Lauren and me? I need to sort that shit out after. I can tell by her needy eyes that she wants us to be an us, and knowing Lauren she will forgive me when I say I’m sorry.
I plan to apologize, by then maybe I’ll remember why I was so stupid to leave the one girl I’ve loved the most behind.
Right now I just can’t remember why. She knew I belonged to The Satan Snipers, she accepted my rank in the government. Can’t understand it, but I need to, for her sake more than mine.
So as much as I want to be selfish and say stay, I simply nod my head turn on my bike, swing my leg over it, twist the key that’s already in the ignition and start my ride. Killer follows behind me and we mow town.
I don’t go to the Clubhouse and Killer follows. I drive past, and fast on the open road and don’t fucking stop. How the fuck did I leave her, why? Why can’t I remember?
It’s closing on seven when we make it back to the clubhouse, our gas close to empty. Thank Spade that the Kanla chapter decided to get their own gas tank or I won’t be able to haul ass back to my place without riding bitch or taking a cage.
Killer and I didn’t stop our bikes until we reached Barfa. I could tell my brother had a lot on his mind. Many thought he was completely emotionless but I know this Beggar chick meant something to him.
I see the way he worries, the extra hours he spends in the gym and it fucking kills me that the Kanla chapter think she’s bad. My hands are tied by loyalty to National.
I can’t say shit.
I can’t even fucking tell them, Beggar is getting fucking tortured. Can’t tell them I’m not just here to help them look for her, I’m here to make sure no one touches her once we found her.
Judging by Killers’ attachment to Beggar I can see that even if I weren’t around no one would harm the girl. I believe Killer will see to that.
The long ride and ten quiet minutes in Barfa, had been just what Killer and I needed. We made it back to the clubhouse just in time for supper. In all the chapters I’ve been to over the years they take mealtime very seriously. Which is a pleasing thing to me because I love food.
The cooking roster is a big thing in the club. Who we put on it is what makes it such a big deal.
It takes a huge amount of trust to allow someone to cook our food. So to be on the roster means that you are a full brother and our woman even if you’re not fully patched in, it’s still a big deal.
Our women take it very seriously. We don’t call our females bitches like other motorcycle clubs. We always refer to them as ‘woman’. They start off as kid, or dumb names while they earn their respect just like the brothers. But to be called ‘woman’ or by your club nickname is the highest honor.
The brothers don’t all fuck the women, and the women aren’t just here to look after us. They train like the brothers, some kill better than the brothers, like Mercy. They get important ranks just like the brothers, like our National road captain, After.
The only thing is we claim the women, some brothers, and our women prefer exclusivity and others prefer variety.
At the end of it all, we are just one huge fucking family. We eat together, sleep together. Some pray together and we fucking stay together until we die.
Kanla is lucky none of them have kids together ’cause in Denver, you can’t take a piss without one little rugrat barging in. I never liked kids, don’t know why but I just never take to them and trust me the feeling is mutual.
I can’t believe that kid sat on my lap, can’t believe Hannah named her kid Jo, no wonder she’s crazy.
Killer doesn’t wait for me or say a word once his Dyna is parked. I make my way up the porch steps and into the clubhouse following his retreating footsteps. The smell of disinfectant mingled with roast beef and fresh rolls instantly hit my nose and I don’t waste time going to the dining room that is filled with my family.
I take my seat directly across Zero. The brothers and women nod heads and greet me as I walk to the other end. My chair scrapes and I notice the empty place of Kanla’s Prez, Rounder.
I look to his daughter, Falon who is staring at Zero playing with his food with a frown on her face. Don’t like how close she’s sitting next to him. From what I know Zero has claimed Beggar.
Falon isn’t part of The Satan Snipers, she’s extended family’ due to her relationship to the Prez, who isn’t here.
“Where’s your pops?” I ask her as loud and clear.
“Sleeping, he wasn’t feeling up for it today.” She doesn’t face me and I narrow my eyes at this information.
Since I’ve been here Storm has sat as President for every meeting. I think I’ve seen Rounder three times and all of those times the guy looked like fuckin’ shit.
Cancer sucks fucking ass but a chapter is only as good as its President. And the Kanla Chapter’s President can barely walk.
How the fuck is he supposed to run a Chapter of The Satan Snipers deadliest brothers? Because that’s exactly what I have sitting around me.