Vione could not stop staring at the face she had missed so much. She didn’t move an inch from Usher’s side unless something important needed to be done.
Vione realized that Usher was badly hurt. Ironically, Usher had just come back from the dead. Usher’s condition was still very worrisome, so she and Ayla tried to treat him as best they could.
Bandages covered all the wounds on Usher’s body. Vione was grateful that she was a wolf without claws. Thanks to this deficiency, she had some knowledge of medicine. It was not uncommon for her to get injured when she was bullied by other werewolves.
Vione breathed a sigh of relief when the last bandage was properly applied. “You just need to rest for a few days, Usher. You’ll recover soon.”
After finishing his words, Vione started to tidy up the remaining bandages and other things. But suddenly Usher grabbed Vione’s hand. He prevented Vione from showing any sign of leaving.
“Vione.”
Vione turned. “Yes?”
Usher pulled Vione’s hand and motioned for her to sit back down. He took the medical kit from Vione’s hand and placed it on the small table nearby. Then he looked at Vione with seriousness, also with regret.
“I’m sorry, Vione.”
Usher was sure he had said the same thing when he was on the verge of death. But he felt it wasn’t enough. Sadly, his apology was certainly not enough to erase all the pain and sadness he had caused Vione. He felt so guilty that he couldn’t bear to look at Vione for too long.
“I feel so guilty about you, Vione,” Usher whispered in a choked voice, as if something was blocking his throat and making it difficult for him to speak. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please forgive me.”
Vione took a breath and held it in her chest. She could feel how much guilt Usher felt towards her, perhaps even more than she felt herself. “Usher,” she said with a smile. She reached out to cup Usher’s cheek. She stroked it gently, as if to reassure Usher that she didn’t mind his request at all. “I have forgiven you, Usher. I know what really happened all along.”
Usher dared to lift his face and look back at Vione. “You already know?” he asked.
“Yes.” Vione nodded once, then continued. “Ayla told me. All this time you’ve been under the influence of Mireya’s magic. That’s why you ignored all of us.”
Usher fell silent. To be honest, he didn’t know what was happening to him, except for the strangeness he had noticed lately. But now he had the answer to his confusion.
Usher dramatically closed his eyes. The guilt and regret he felt was immediately replaced by an immense anger. His hands clenched tightly and Vione noticed.
“Usher.”
Usher growled. His face looked hardened. His voice was heavy, indicating overwhelming anger. “I never thought Mireya was the mastermind behind all this. She made me neglect the pack. She made me forget everything and…”
Not only that. Usher realized it and his words immediately stopped. All the events that had happened suddenly flashed through his mind. He remembered vividly how he had abandoned Vione for his empty love for Mireya. Not to mention the fact that he had ignored everyone at Mireya’s command.
Usher was stunned when a cold sensation, seemingly from nowhere, began to creep over his entire body. He felt as if a knife was slicing through his heart and chest.
“I…” Usher felt bitterness fill his mouth and throat. Bitterness was everywhere, especially when he realized the worst thing that had happened because of him. “… I caused the death of Mama and Garth.”
Vione’s face changed. “Usher.”
“T-they died because of me, Vione,” Usher whispered with tremendous horror. His breathing became erratic as all the deaths loomed in his mind. “No. Not just Mama and Garth. I also let Cora, Berg and Storm die because of me. I let the pack die in vain because of me!”
Usher screamed as the shadow of death continued to haunt him. He groaned, suddenly feeling pain that made his body scream. His soul was tormented by overwhelming remorse. His eyes heated up, burning with the fire of frustration that burned his shapeless, shattered heart with overwhelming guilt.
The accusations were directed at himself. Usher couldn’t deny it when reality hit him hard. Every step he had taken in the past was nothing but a deadly curse to the people he loved.
Usher became hysterical to the point of tearing his own hair. Tears flowed so freely that his eyes turned red. “I killed them all.”
“Usher.” Vione quickly grabbed Usher’s hand to keep him from hurting himself. “No. You didn’t kill them, but Mireya did. You were under her magic.”
Vione’s words meant nothing to Usher, who was overwhelmed by the magnitude of his regret. He was thrown, then trapped in a maze of incredibly dark emotions, with no light to guide him.
Usher was drowning in an ocean of guilt. He was helpless against the accusations and reproaches he had naturally brought upon himself. He closed his eyes as tightly as he could, hoping that all those painful shadows would disappear from his memory. But on the contrary, all those painful events seemed to become even clearer. Garth’s blood splattering on his face, Jemma’s painful screams echoing in his ears, and then the torn bodies of Cora, Berg, and Storm right in front of him, all appeared one after the other, making him suffer even more.
“I’m completely useless. I let them die. I…”
Usher couldn’t finish his words as his breath became short. Regret and guilt tortured him so much that he felt a piercing pain squeeze his heart. He pounded his chest, hoping it would ease the tightness.
Vione took Usher’s hand. “Usher, please. Stop it. You’re hurting yourself.” It took a great deal of effort for her to stop Usher’s actions. She held his hand tightly, trying to calm him. “This is all out of your control, Usher. So please stop blaming yourself.”
Usher’s moans sounded terribly agonizing. “I can’t, Vione. I should have died with them. What’s the point of me staying alive in this world? I can’t bear this sin all my life, Vione. I’m guilty of you and them.”
Usher could see how his life would unfold. Days would pass with remorse. Time would continue its relentless judgment. His suffering would continue.
It was all too heavy. Usher was sure he couldn’t bear it. A terrible thought also crept into his mind. “Perhaps my death could atone for my sins against them.”
Vione shook her head, her face pale. “N-no, Usher. Don’t say that. Please, don’t. You-”
“Are you going to waste Vione’s sacrifice by begging me to heal you?”
Suddenly Rowena appeared, interrupting Vione’s speech. Next to her was Ayla, trying to hold back tears. Ayla could sense Usher’s despair and remorse.
“Do you know? Vione was willing to sacrifice her life so that I would agree to heal you. And this is your answer to her?”
Usher groaned. He couldn’t answer the question. He was caught between guilt and Vione’s hope. “I can’t. I can’t live like this. I can’t possibly live under the shadow of her death.”
Everyone in the room fell silent. They understood, they knew exactly what Usher felt. But Usher’s death would never be the answer.
Vione wiped away Usher’s tears. “I’m here for you, Usher. I’ll be with you through this. So please, go on living.”
Usher knew that Vione would always be by his side, but to drag Vione into this dark vortex was not what he wanted. On the contrary, he wanted to ask Vione to leave him. He was completely broken and had nothing left. The last thing he wanted was to drag Vione into his suffering.
Usher made his decision. He would ask Vione to leave him, even though he was sure it would only make his suffering more painful. But he had to do it. He didn’t want to make Vione even more miserable with him, and besides, they weren’t a couple.
Usher took a deep breath and calmed down. He wanted to speak, but unexpectedly Rowena spoke first.
“What if there was a chance for you, Alpha?”
Usher turned to her. “What do you mean?”
“I’m asking you, Alpha,” Rowena said, staring intently at Usher. She was deadly serious as she repeated her question. “What if you had a chance, Alpha? Would you want to change everything that has happened?”
*