Lena saw that as well, my expression must have showed what I was thinking, and two big tears rolled down her cheeks. I could feel my eyes brimming as loss and fear fought with guilt over what I’d said in the first heat of anger, something dad also saw. He wiped Lena’s tears away, catching the end of her nose as he did, grinning his old grin, and Lena smiling back in spite of herself. Then dad did something he’d not done to me since I was a small boy; he pulled me down close to him, and kissed me once on the cheek, his way of saying it was alright, that we were okay again.
I didn’t want that, it felt like goodbye to me, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my dad, not yet, not for a long time to come. But it wasn’t going to happen. My dad was going, long before his time, and there was nothing I could do about it; there’s that old saw about ‘Physician, heal thyself’, what I wanted was to heal my dad; but I couldn’t.
Dad obviously picked up on the tenor of my thoughts, and grinned at me, his old self suddenly gleaming through.
“Let it go Darryl, there’s nothing you can do about it; this started a long time ago, before you were born, I just never knew it. Now it’s come to this. You can’t do anything for me, so just look after your mum and your sister for me, okay?”
I nodded mutely, unable to say anything, but marvelling at his calm acceptance of his impending mortality; people are intellectually aware of the fact of their own death one day; no-one is going to live forever. But most people are also emotionally incapable of accepting the fact of their own death one day, unable to accept that the world will go on without them. Dad seemed to have a handle on that, and his calm acceptance certainly calmed me down, even though I was still incapable of contemplating a world without him in it.
He grinned up at me again.
“Say something, son, you look like someone just smacked you with a big fish!”
I didn’t know where to start.
“Dad, I’m sorry, I acted like a complete dick, I’m so sorry…!”
He held his hand up.
“Calm down Darryl! We dropped a huge cowpat on you; I’m not surprised you flew off the handle! It’s okay, you said your piece and charged off, now you’re back, it’s over. My kids are back, so no harm done! There was a time I thought we’d really lost you, that was the only time I was scared you’d go and I’d never see you again. I hoped you’d be back once you blew-off some steam; you’re just like your mother in that respect. I wish I knew where she was. Once she left you, I never saw her again; I don’t know what I did to make her leave, there were no words or anything, she just… left, but there’s been no word from her in 25 years, now it’s probably too late…”
Lena started crying again, and dad reached up and gently rubbed her cheek while looking directly into my eyes.
“I know how Lena feels about you, and I just want to say one thing while I still can; don’t you hurt her; she’s spent her life wanting you, don’t make her regret it.”
I gaped at him.
“Dad, you… know?”
He looked away testily.
“Of course I know, Darryl, you’re my kids, I know all about how you feel about each other and what you’ve probably already done; I have eyes and a brain too, you know!”
He clicked the button on the chair and it folded upright, sitting him up and enabling him to look at both of us.
“Now, where was I? Oh yes, you and Lena. As I was going to say, I knew something like this would happen, it was only a matter of time, I suppose. The two of you were always closer than usual, and after that business when you were younger, it became even more obvious, even without Lena crying for you every night. Your mum and I discussed it a lot; I wanted to split you two up, your mum wanted to leave you to grow up and hope you drifted apart. We were both wrong, and we would have been wrong no matter what we did, so we did nothing and hoped it would go away.”
I couldn’t contain my curiosity.
“How long have you known?” I asked, and he smiled back.
“I’ve always known. If you mean ‘when did I know for certain’? It was about two minutes ago; you really should learn to keep a cap on it, you know; how do you expect to face a firing squad if you can’t keep calm and self-possessed under the slightest pressure?”
I said something about never actually planning on facing a firing-squad, which he brushed-of as ‘a mere detail’.
“Darryl, every man should live his life as though the firing squad was around the next corner; don’t leave things un-done that should be finished, don’t leave things un-said that should be said, don’t leave loose ends for others to try and tie up, and leave your mark, but lightly; plan for the future, but live in the now, change the world, if you can, but don’t damage it along the way, and leave memories that others will be proud to keep and cherish.”
I nodded, finally listening to the words I should have been listening to all my life; I always thought I’d have all the time in the world to listen to this from him, now suddenly that wasn’t true.
The door opened, and mum, Doreen and Min came in, mum looking relieved that we were all talking and actually smiling again. Dad asked mum to pass him a large Manila folder from the bureau, and he took out various documents.
“Darryl, Lena, these are the deeds to the house, it’s yours, both of you. Mum and I bought a place in Kolossi, in the Akrotiri Sovereign Base Area part of the village, and she won’t be returning after… you know, so you can do what you like with this place. It’s split 50/50 between you both, so the two of you can decide what you want to do with it. There are various funds and suchlike, mum and I will be needing them, so all we have to leave you is the house, it’s up to you what the pair of you do with it; all I’ll say is it’s a nice family home…”
“Just remember one thing; we’ll always be your parents, and we’re not abandoning you; your mother and I have to go, but Doreen and Min will still be here, so you’ll still have family nearby.”
Mum passed the folder to me, but I handed it to Lena, and hugged mum instead.
“Mum, I’m sorry, I was wrong to say what I said, you are my mum, and you always were. If you want to slap my face, go ahead, I deserve it for what I said to you; you will always be my mum, and I love you more than anything in the world!”
Mum hugged me tight, then let go so Min could hug me as well. As she let go of me, she murmured “just one other thing, Darryl…, ” and with that gave me a slap that made my head sing. As I reeled back, she stood over me, back to her full size and terrifying with it, looking like a Spanish galleon in full sail as she bore down on me and jabbed me in the chest with her pudgy forefinger.
“If you ever speak like that to anyone in this family ever again, I promise you, Doctor Darryl ‘High and Mighty’ Morgan, I will pull down your pants and spank your arse in front of everyone, do you hear me?”
I could only nod, completely dumbfounded by this side of Min I’d never seen before. She glared back, her face red, then subsided and yanked me close, hugging me like a friendly grizzly bear. She abruptly held me out at arms’ length.
“Always remember, baby, you have parents who love you, you have a family that loves you, and if you ever forget that, I’ve got a right hand to remind you of it, got it?!”
I could only nod again, still too shocked to speak. Doreen moved up and I leaned back out of range, but she only smiled at me, and kissed me lightly on the cheek.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to slap you, Min drew that straw!” she smiled.
“And she lost?” I hazarded, and Doreen gave a wide grin.
“No, she won!”
I looked round to see Lena grinning, until at last she could hold it in no longer, and she burst out laughing, breaking the tension in the room, even dad smiling broadly at my complete drubbing. At last I saw the funny side too, and began to laugh, and when mum kissed me it was like coming home for Christmas; I had my parents back, I still had them, I hadn’t lost them at all.
Dinner was paradoxically, a joyful occasion; all my family was there at once, it was a reunion in many ways, and nothing was allowed to mar the happiness of the event. Mum and dad played down the reason for us being there, and never once referred to Lena and me except in the positive; that they knew we’d be good for each other, that they knew we’d look after each other, and so forth; even Min and Doreen, curtain-twitchers to the stars and gossip-mongers extraordinaire, were acting so non-judgemental I was starting to get suspicious, and I could see Lena’s radar twitching as well.
After a while, though, dad began to look drawn and pale, and his breathing began to wheeze. Lena looked at me in alarm. I hurried around to his side, opened his shirt and began massaging his chest, sending Lena to get my bag from the car. While she did that, I propped him upright and held him against me as I compressed his chest, trying to ease his breathing. The chest compressions seemed to help, his breathing sounding less laboured and more normal after a few more compressions.
Lena came rushing back with my bag, and held it open for me while I rummaged around, pulling out my stethoscope and an inhaler. As I listened to his chest, I could hear everything that mum had told me; his heart sounds were not good, laboured with a pronounced right-ventricular heave and his lungs were congested, the functional impairment a possible precursor of Congestive Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and bearing out what his doctor had identified, that he was already undergoing progressive architectural destruction of the lungs.