53

LAURA
I found him downstairs sitting on the couch, staring blankly at his laptop.
He had his back to me and therefore didn’t see me approaching, but the moment I walked into his line of sight, he moved his laptop out of the way and made to stand. Just as he braced his hands on the couch to rise, I stopped in front of him and carefully placed one knee on the outside of his thigh, then the other one, before I lowered onto him.
The look of surprise in his eyes made me feel like absolute shit. But then again, I suppose exhibiting such behaviour after the way things had gone between us less than thirty minutes ago was definitely throwing him.
I braced his face with my palms and something thawed inside me when he leaned into my touch instantly, his eyes sliding shut as a deep exhale left him.
My chest tightened at how tired he looked. How he shoved his face into my hands like he was starved for my affection. Did I not show this man enough that I cared about him?
Even I knew the answer to that question; No. Almost all our conversations revolved around him trying to make me feel good or to get me to stay, and when it wasn’t either of those things, then the chances were–we were fighting.
I needed to do better.
My voice was no more than a whisper when I said, “Hi.”
His eyelids fluttered open and my eyes were glued to those impossibly long lashes for a second as he blinked. “Hey.” He lifted a hand and pushed my hair out of my face. I hadn’t even bothered to comb it after my shower. “You couldn’t sleep?”
I shook my head, staring into his eyes. For some reason, I couldn’t look away. God, he was so beautiful. And he was in love with me. I still found that hard to believe.
Glancing at the laptop now sitting beside us, I asked, “Were you working?”
“I was trying to distract myself. And failing.” Before I could say anything, Alex spoke again. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” Lines formed between his brows. “Are you in pain? The doctor–”
“No, it’s not that,” I cut him off. “Alex, I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. I was inconsiderate and perhaps a bit harsh and I shouldn’t have done that, so I want you to know that I’m sorry. Okay?”
He blinked in surprise. “You have nothing to apologize for. You were hurt and–”
I couldn’t even let him finish that sentence without feeling like more of an ass. “Stop doing that.”
“Stop doing what?” he asked, confused.
“Stop trying to protect my feelings even at the expense of yours. You do it all the time and it has to stop. You cannot keep sparing my feelings, Alex, I am not a child.” I sighed, exasperated. Even now, he was running his hands up and down my bare thigh in a bid to soothe me. “I should apologize whenever I make mistakes because you do not hesitate to do the same when the tables are turned.”
Alex could not look more shocked than he already did right now. He was staring at me like I was a different person entirely; I felt like a different person. I’d surprised him, but he had this soft look in his eyes that told me it was a good surprise.
Nodding, he let out a breath. “Okay.”
Chewing on my lower lip, I stared at him expectantly. When he simply stared right back at me, I sighed. “Well?”
For God’s sake. Why was he keeping me hanging?
Furrows formed between his brows. His eyes coasted over my face, worry etched onto his. “Well what?” Then he said slowly. Carefully. “Laura, don’t you think we should go back and spend the night at the hospital? Or if you’re not okay with that, I could make arrangements for the doctor to spend the night here. Either way, I think you need to be watched by an expert. You aren’t act like you’re…okay.”
I rolled my eyes. He actually looked so worried, I couldn’t even bear to laugh regardless of how slightly funny this was. Not when I felt so terrible. Was he implying that the reason I was being nice to him was because I had a concussion? Which I clearly didn’t have, mind you.
“I just want to know if you accept my apology, Alex.”
He blinked again, floored. “That’s what–” He shook his head. “Of course I accept your apology, Laura.”
My body deflated on a relieved sigh, and I allowed myself sink more into him. Staring at his chest longingly, I contemplated on the best way to ask him to hold me, but then I decided against it.
I shouldn’t ask him to hold me. Not when he was the one in need of comforting. I could just hold him, right? Although I had to admit that my reasons for wanting to plaster myself against him were entirely selfish. I’d spent almost half an hour trying to sleep on a perfectly comfortable mattress upstairs but hadn’t been able to, and just sitting on this man’s lap–hell, mere being in his vicinity–filled me with this inner peace, effectively clearing out my worried thoughts and cocooning me in sweet warmth.
To test the waters, I placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned closer, wanting to see how he would react. He must have known what I wanted without even saying anything because his mouth twitched in amusement and he tugged me the remainder of the way.
My head found a spot in the crook of his neck while my hands linked behind him, fingers idly playing with the hair at his nape. I closed my eyes briefly, subtly inhaling his scent and grateful that he couldn’t see me.
But God, he was so warm and strong and I couldn’t help but feel–
Sheltered.
He made me feel sheltered.
When I was with him, everything seemed beautiful. Hopeful. Like absolutely nothing could go wrong.
Alex felt like home. The realization left me feeling both terrified and exhilarated.
Pressing a kiss to the spot beside my ear, he said, “You never need permission to touch me, Laura. Ever.”
Tears welled in my eyes. I blinked them away. “I’m scared.”
Hearing the tone of my voice, Alex began rubbing his hand in circles on my back. “Talk to me. I’m here.”
“I’m a mess, Alex. There’s so much going on in my head right now and at the same time, not enough. I feel like I’m not reacting properly to the fact that I’m pregnant. I don’t know, maybe it hasn’t fully dawned on me yet, but–” I stopped, suddenly feeling choked as I realized. “I want this baby, Alex.” My admission shocked me so much that I pulled back to look at him and saw the same shock mirrored on his face. “Oh my God, I want this baby.” This time, my words were lighter, weaker, and hell, maybe that terrified me even more but I was not one bit unsure.
I wanted this baby. This tiny human growing inside of me that I’d just been made aware of its existence today.
I wanted this baby that I’d created with this beautiful man.
Fuck.
“Laura…” Alex called softly, bringing my wide eyes to his own surprised ones. “You’re sure about this?”
Nodding, I said, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.”
“Are you absolutely certain?” He pressed. “Laura, you just had an accident today, and on top of that, you discovered you’re pregnant. If you need to rest and sleep on it, it’s fine. We can talk about it tomorrow.”
His eyes roved over me. His hands on my back had now moved to my bare thighs and were tightening reflexively. For the first time in a very long time, I found myself struggling to read those beautiful green eyes. What was he thinking? Was I not being clear enough?
Contrary to what he believed, I was thinking clearly. With what he’d experienced with me, he had every right to be in doubt. But while a child had not been in the cards for me just this morning, I also couldn’t imagine getting rid of the one I was carrying. I couldn’t possibly take a life. What kind of monster would that make me?
But the thing was–asides from not wanting to take a life, I really did want to have this baby, if that made sense. But he was finding that hard to believe and–
I froze as a thought occurred to me. What if he was not ready for a child?
I’d been thinking about myself all this while but I hadn’t really considered him. Alex was a drop dead gorgeous male who could have women dropping their panties with a single look. He was young and wealthy. What if he didn’t want the distraction that a baby posed?
What if he wasn’t ready for it?
The horror I felt must have shown on my face because Alex’s eyes sharpened. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“How do you feel about this?” I forced the words out of my mouth. “Be honest with me.”
He sighed and looked away. “Laura–”
“Please.” I didn’t even care that I was begging him. This was too important. Too delicate.
His jaw worked and he seemed to weigh something before he faced me. “I just managed to convince you into giving us a shot. I do not want to terrify you, Laura. In fact, it still feels to me like we’re walking on a ground so shaky, one wrong move or word could have you running for the hills.” He began, fingers coasting up my thighs with his eyes following the movement, somewhat absently. “I want to have this baby with you, Laura, perhaps too desperately, and while I cannot tell you what to do with your body, I want you to know that I it would make me the happiest man on planet earth if you decide to keep it.”
Words.
Their power should never be underestimated, because with what he just said, I felt the fear and trepidation that had gripped me in a choke-hold begin to dissipate.
I must have stayed quiet for too long because he looked up at me. And it was then I saw it. The feelings I hadn’t been able to read before, they were clear as day now and I could literally pick them apart one by one.
He was scared and excited and hopeful at the same time.
Excited that we had a baby, scared that I could decide not to keep it, and hopeful that I was talking about keeping the baby. I could also tell that above all else, he was also scared to be too hopeful. He wasn’t entirely sure that my decision wouldn’t change by tomorrow, so he didn’t want to be get too excited. That explained why he wanted me to think well on it.
Oh, this man.
How in the world was I going to be able to convince him that I wanted this baby just as badly as he did, fears aside?
Taking his hands in mine, I squeezed, and looking into his eyes, I said, “We’re keeping the baby, Alex.”
The reaction my words had on him was profound and instant. A full-body shudder moved through him, and his hands tightened around mine. “We’re going to have a baby?”
I nodded, fighting a sob. Hell, why was I so teary today? “We’re going to have a baby,” I confirmed.
His eyes glimmered with something–I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, and before I could dwell on it, he sealed his lips over mine in a kiss. It was light and sweet and filled with all the things he probably wanted to say but couldn’t right now.
When he pulled away, he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the side of my lips. “Thank you.”
Today was no doubt one of the most emotional days of my life–and by this, I meant actually being in contact with my feelings and using my words instead of trying to communicate telepathically–and guess what? I survived.
Maybe I would cringe when I thought about it later. Maybe not. I couldn’t find it in me to care.
Nothing else mattered to me when Alex tucked my head into what was fast becoming my favorite place in the world–the crook of his neck–and traced patterns on my back. Soon, my eyelids became droopy and I didn’t even try to fight the sleep when it came.
I welcomed it.
But not before I heard Alex whisper, “You’re going to be an amazing mother, love.”