After my late-night talk with Alessandro, the days changed. A divide seemed to disappear; we began to understand each other in a fuller way. Our conversations carried a different layer of insight and a collective exposure that inspired and frightened me.
Just one week on, Alessandro and I were the only ones in the safe house. Zoe departed for some supplies while also stating she would take care. As the sun descended and hues of orange and pink lit the surrounding sky, the house filled with warmth.
“Penny for your thoughts?” My thoughts subsided as Alessandro spoke. I recognized him staring at me filled with a thoughtful mystery.
I smiled and pushed a small strand of hair back. I think about the vast changes that have happened lately. Back then, I was deep in research thinking the key issue was hitting my publication dates. Now…” I stopped speaking and waved my arm around us in a general direction.
Alessandro responded fleetingly with a nod while revealing his comprehension in his eyes. At this moment, we become unique individuals on the run from unseen groups aiming to reveal a mystery. Just another Tuesday, right?”
His joking tone triggered a laugh in me and helped diminish the strain I didn’t know was present. “Right. A typical day in the life of a graduate student involves this situation.
After a brief moment of stillness, we heard Alessandro’s serious voice again. Could I ask you a question, Brianne?
Surely I answered his question; I was intrigued by the unexpected change in his attitude.
He briefly stopped to thoughtfully choose what to say. While discussing Chase the night before, you shared that you were torn about your memories of him.
.” Was you thinking about this affecting your trustworthiness at that time? How can I be vulnerable to new connections?”
The inquiry surprised me since it was so relevant to the concerns I had stewed over. I held my breath and determined to respond in kind.
“Yes,” I admitted softly. “It does. My doubts intensified due to Chase. I’m uncertain about my estimation of myself and how I see reality. Even after all that has taken place with these abilities we possess, I frequently sense I am shifting in the unknown with no direction.
Alessandro kept his eyes trained on me while absorbing what I said. His eyes showed no disapproval; instead they filled with compassion that encouraged me to go on.
With my voice barely above a murmur, I told Alessandro about my fear. Worried about choosing wrongly or having confidence in a person who could betray you. Worried that I may never let myself fully disclose my heart again and fear being mistreated.
When I expressed those thoughts aloud, the anxiety dissipated. Expressing these fears for the initial time allowed me a singular influence that came from conveying them and pulling them out of the obscurity of my thought process.
Alessandro remained still briefly to think about what I said. To my shock, he held my hand. The movement was kind and unimposing while providing reassurance with no demands.
I want to thank you for showing me that. It’s clear to me that sharing your emotions is hard. I wish to tell you that your anxieties hold weight. The journey you made with Chase reflects the challenges we experience now.
Would disrupt the foundation of anyone.
He stood still for a little while to contemplate before proceeding. I haven’t shared everything with you completely. One might argue that there are parts of my life I have failed to share.
At his words, I experienced a soft rush of worry, but the softness of his touch brought me stability. “What do you mean?”
Alessandro breathed in sharply. Did you hear me mention my challenge to the goals set by my father? Yes, it was real, but it excluded important factors in the matter. I have fought depression for several years.”
His revelation floated between us heavy with covert agony and numerous efforts. I grasped his hand softly with the purpose of prompting him forward.
Looking back to earlier times, he recounted his struggles in college. Achieving success along with being an ideal son and pupil overwhelmed me. Panic attacks began on me and I withdrew from my friends. Some days arising from bed seemed daunting.
I paid attention while my heart felt the distress he had gone through. “Did you seek help?” I asked softly.
Alessandro nodded. “Eventually, yes. Prior to that moment, I felt I could not go any further. I… I broke down toward the end of my school year. Soon he was admitted to the hospital toward the end of…” he paused; I could reach the conclusion. Thinking of Alessandro in turmoil caused me to cry.
I sorry you had to endure that a lot.
He said with a modest tearful expression. “It was a wake-up call. I began therapy and acquired techniques to handle stress. Though I still have to persevere, I have come to a healthier state. Despite how bizarre it might sound, the coma offered me renewed understanding.
An additional possibility to live freely without limitations.
Did that motivate you to quit the family enterprise? I questioned him as bits of his history came together.
He nodded. “Partly, yes. I became aware that my mental wellness could not endure if I pursued someone else’s life rather than my own. It took a lot of thought to reach this conclusion, and I have a hard time with my father’s relationship. But it was necessary.”
Upon sharing his difficulties, Alessandro altered my thoughts about him. Although the confident man from before remained present, I discovered his powerful resilience instead of hiding his vulnerabilities and bravery in dealing with tough situations.
I acknowledged his openness by looking into his eyes. I recognize it probably wasn’t simple.
Alessandro’s smile blended a hint of sensitivity and satisfaction. This is a topic that I usually don’t discuss. When you laid bare your feelings with me, it seems vital to give that trust in return. I am aware of how afraid you are to bare your truth and be vulnerable. It’s terrifying. It can also result in profound freedom.
His remarks hit me strongly and reflected my worries and thoughts. “How do you do it?” I asked. How do you gain the bravery to remain vulnerable and trust when you understand how painful it can be?
Alessandro paused for a brief moment and thought. “I think… I feel that valuing the chances for joy and sincere bonds overcomes the pain associated with them. My therapist once told me something that stuck with me:
By erecting defenses against suffering, we simultaneously limit our capacity for heartfelt connections. Finding a way to stay open while ensuring your safety is a careful endeavor.
I was giving a nod in agreement, knowing all too well that what he said was the right thing to say. “I want to be open,” I said to her. “I want to trust, to connect. But it feels almost as though I am on the edge of a precipice and the ground is not in sight. “I said I was a bird, but I don’t know if I would soar or plunge.”
Alessandro gave me a quick glance, and his fingers on my hand flexed slightly. Perhaps the true skill of it is acknowledging that you don’t have to stand on that cliff by yourself. The meaning is that there are others who will be there to pick you up if you fail or rise if you succeed.”
Listening to him was something that made me want to gag from emotional pain. “People like you?” I questioned, my voice but a murmur.
The gaze that Alessandro gave me was a lustful one something I had never personally experienced before. “Yes,” he said simply. “Like me. Like Zoe. Brianne, it’s the same for you and me, we’re in this together. Whatever happens.”
At that point, looking into the eyes of Alessandro inside him, I realized that I had a desire for… Hope, perhaps. Or the first flickers of something more than physical attraction, which was the last thing I wanted.
“Can I tell you something?” I asked those questions, feeling nervous all of a sudden.
Alessandro also nodded and nodded with a pleasant look on his face.
‘Before all of this,’ he said sadly, ‘before Chase’s treachery and the experiment, and all this’ he waved at ability. I had dreams. The kind of dreams that are huge ‘impossible even’ dreams that could make others laugh.” I stopped for a moment to take a deep breath before I continued.
Once again, I wanted to rethink the whole dimension of it all and, in particular, preposterously democratize consciousness. To eventually reinstate the narrative of unity in science which could cut the generation gap between neuroscience and quantum mechanics.
There was more to it than just the awards and the innovations. Deep in my soul, I thought this research could save lives, this research could find treatments for mental illness, this research could give us new knowledge about ourselves as human beings.
I drew in shakily and huddled, feeling naked in a way I hadn’t felt since I was a kid. Wondering when I will even have the sanity to go back to school.
Having survived through it all, I’ve concentrated so much on staying alive that I nearly lost sight of my aspirations. They persist hidden away beneath it all. And I’m scared, Alessandro. Fearing that I won’t have the opportunity to achieve them. Terrified that even if I accomplish them, I’ll revert to the earlier version of myself.
With his thumb moving softly over my hand, he fully engaged as I talked. Once I stopped, he stood still for a moment contemplating his feelings.
He declared firmly towards the end. “Those dreams remain present.” These experiences blend perfectly with your own identity, similar to ones with Chase. These events have molded you; still they have not obliterated your basic identity.
He turned his body to look directly at me. “And you know what? I am convinced that you have become more suitable to aim for those dreams today. You bring forth a singular understanding and memories that exceed those of typical scientists. As we solve this puzzle and regain our freedom for living our lives again, imagine the achievements you might reveal.
His comments kindled a thrill in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. “You really think so?”
The smile he shared radiated confidence and warmth. “I know so. I will be there for you at every turn if you allow me.
His genuine expression and strong faith filled me with an earthy emotion. I quickly kissed him with no hesitation.
My first kiss was light and shy. But Alessandro jumped in, quickly pressing his hand against my cheek. After finally parting, both were a bit out of breath and I felt a blush growing on my face.
Just as I apologized, Alessandro motioned for me to pause.
He told me quietly not to apologize. “Not for that. Not ever.”
Touching our foreheads at that moment brought me a deep feeling of calm. The upcoming times were unclear and brimming with hazards I found hard to picture. For the first time in a while, I experienced hope. I aim to chase my ambitions and to make new friendships, seek joy in becoming real with myself again.