Chris pulled out of me gently. When I heard his zipper, I knew he was getting dressed again. After he did that, he loosened the straps around my ankles before moving on to my wrists. He caught me as I fell, too exhausted to keep myself up. I didn’t have any strength left in my body.
“Do you need to use the bathroom?” he asked as he lifted me into his arms.
“Yes, Sir,” I said hoarsely. “What about the butt plug?” I wasn’t ashamed to ask; I didn’t have the energy for that.
“You’ll keep it in for tonight, and I’ll take it out tomorrow. Unless… do you need it out now?”
I knew what he was asking me; if I needed to do more than pee. I shook my head in answer, saving the little voice I had left.
He carried me to the bathroom and helped me to sit down on the toilet. I whimpered as my sore bottom met the toilet seat.
When he went straight to the sink and started rummaging for something, I froze. Wasn’t he going to give me some privacy? He must’ve felt my questioning eyes because he turned back around.
“I just had my fingers up your ass. Do you really think I can’t handle hearing you pee?” Chris asked, lifting a brow. Well… when he put it like that. And again, I was too wiped out to care. Had I been my usual self, I would’ve most certainly not been able to pee in front of anyone.
After emptying my full bladder, he held me up as I washed my hands and brushed my teeth before carrying me to bed and laid me down on my stomach.
“I’ll be right back,” he informed, and a few seconds later, the bed dipped from additional weight. I jumped a little as I felt cold cream being gently rubbed onto my skin.
“It’s a healing balm. I’m guessing you’re pretty sore,” Chris explained as he continued rubbing it in. He was thorough, smearing it over every place he’d struck earlier. It helped almost immediately, taking the slight burn away and made me relax into his touch.
As soon as I was relaxing, a strong emotion of something I couldn’t name bubbled in my chest. It came suddenly and intensely, with no warning. I was shocked to feel tears streaming down my face seconds before the first sob escaped unbidden.
“Emily, Sweetheart, are you okay?” Chris had just gotten done with the balm and was now stroking hair loosened from my braid away from my face.
Looking up at his worried face, with tears running down mine, I admitted, “I don’t know why I’m crying. I was happy just a second ago.”
I was confused-utterly bewildered by why it felt like I was drowning in… sadness? It didn’t make any sense why I would feel something like this after how happy I’d been a moment ago.
My chest felt constricted and ached with it all, and I felt powerless to stop it, to gather myself and get it under control. There was just too much emotion for me to handle. My body shivered uncontrollably-another thing I couldn’t seem to stop. This heavy emotion scared me, and all I wanted to do was feel better again; I just didn’t know how.
How could my feelings change in the blink of a moment?
Chris sat down beside me and gathered me on his lap. His hands found their way back to my hair as he continued stroking it soothingly. “Do you know what subspace is?” he asked, keeping his voice soft.
“A-a little.” I’d read something about it, but I couldn’t recollect any of it now. He swiped the tears running down my cheeks with his thumb, but more tears soon followed.
“It’s hormones-adrenalin. Some submissives can experience subspace in an intense scene, where their bodies interpret it as stress and act accordingly. Right now, you might be experiencing sub drop, which is when your hormones stabilize. It can happen right after a play session or hours later,” Chris explained it so simply; I didn’t feel crazy for reacting this way.
“Sweetheart, I’m going to let go of you for just a couple of seconds, okay? I’m not leaving you.” He looked down on me with such care, and I couldn’t help but nod even as another sob escaped.
My eyes burned with the salty tears, and I was pretty sure I was ugly crying right now with red eyes and a snotty nose, but I couldn’t find it in me to care; I was too lost in the gut-wrenching feeling of sadness.
The few seconds Chris was gone felt like a lifetime. I needed him, his warmth and his arms, and his soft, soothing voice.
Chris hurried towards a mini-fridge and came back to me with a Gatorade and… chocolate? Then, when he was by my side again, he opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out a box of Kleenex.
He dried the tears with gentle hands and brought the tissue to my nose for me to blow out.
Yuck. Though Chris didn’t show any disgust as threw the used tissue in a small garbage can. He grabbed the snack he had brought with him and opened it.
“Here, this might help. It’s dark chocolate,” he said as he sat back down, once again returning me into his arms. He fed it to me with one hand, as the other stroked my back soothingly, though he avoided my upper back.
The bitter-sweet taste exploded on my tongue, and I hummed even as more tears slipped silently down my cheeks. Later, when I’d calmed down a bit, Chris made me drink the Gatorade he’d brought out.
I don’t remember how long this feeling of utter sadness lasted, only that Chris held me through it all. He continued stroking me on my back, arms, playing with my hair. He did everything he could to make me feel better. The room had been quiet except for my whimpers and his voice uttering words of kindness.
When I started to fall asleep, he left me, and I’d started to panic. I hadn’t realized he’d only gotten out of bed to undress until he assured me in his soft voice that he wasn’t going anywhere.
The feel of his warm skin against mine helped me relax even more.
This day had contained a lot of first for me; flogging, ass play, subspace, and sub drop. I was happy I had Chris with me every step of the way, making me feel safe and cared for. I knew I would’ve felt the same with Mat and Gideon too.
Gideon… I was going to be with him alone tomorrow, instead of the group night we’d initially planned for. The last time I saw him was at the meeting last Sunday, but it felt like ages ago. Too much had happened in these few days; it felt like they had been weeks.
I didn’t know Gideon, but… I missed him. I wanted to see his cranky face again and that mouth of his that didn’t know how to smile. I looked forward to hearing that quiet voice that always sent shivers down my spine and made me wet and needy. Because he had to talk to me, right? He couldn’t go an entire day without saying a word, not when he had to speak for me to know my orders.
Tomorrow, I’d be alone with this mystery of a man, and as scary as he was, he didn’t frighten me-at least not in the way he thought he did.