The first month back at Desert Moon had been hard. Not a day went by without us fighting. Ethan rejected Mavy as his mate before we came home. A part of me knew he was hurt about it, missed her like I missed Shane. I felt like he was only with me because I was his Luna, because of obligation and duty. I didn’t know why he wanted to be with me. He didn’t know why I was with him when I loved Shane. We were at our lowest. We were ugly, we were at our rawest.
It wasn’t until month two that we finally talked about everything. We talked bout what happened and we talked about the past. The one that I remembered and by this time, the one that he remembered. It was hard, facing the man I loved in this life and the man I hated in the past.
He wasn’t him anymore, he hadn’t been him for a long time. We dug into the past and were completely honest with each other. He fell to his knees and apologized for what he’d done even though I told him it wasn’t him, that wasn’t him anymore. He asked me if I could ever forgive him.
I couldn’t help but laugh. As if I hadn’t hurt him, as if I hadn’t betrayed him. I asked him if he could ever forgive me for what I’d done. Could he ever forgive me for sleeping with Shane, for falling for him, for choosing him? We were a crying weeping mess.
He wrapped his arms around me and I crawled into his arms. Our hands touching, feeling, caressing as our lips locked, our kisses needy, pleading as we found comfort. He took me to bed for the first time since the night I left. He made love to me. Sometimes it was sweet, others it was angry, dominating, claiming.
It was at the start of month three that we got the news. I was pregnant and he was happy. Goddess, he was happy, I was happy, we were happy. It wasn’t until we found out the due date that my heart dropped and he went silent.
That’s when we started to backtrack, count down the weeks, the days, the possible hours. The baby could be his or Shane’s. He was heartbroken and I couldn’t even find it in me to apologize.
I wanted to forget it all but whenever I closed my eyes, I heard a quiet heartbeat beating alongside mine. My heart broke and I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this. I didn’t even want to think about what would happen if it wasn’t Ethan’s.
Goddess. He had wanted pups, and all the times we had made love, we never got pregnant. I should have gotten pregnant. When the shock had worn off, Ethan sat behind me on the floor of our room. His legs were on both sides of me and he pulled me into his lap. He held me close, he held me tight. I don’t know how long we sat there like that.
“The baby you’re growing is mine. It doesn’t matter if the math doesn’t add up, it doesn’t matter how far along you are, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t look like me. You are mine, this child is mine,” Ethan whispered.
I turned around and wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands were on my backside. My forehead pressed against his as our tears mixed. I didn’t dare kiss him, I didn’t even want to look at him but his nose rubbed against mine, his lips pressed against mine. He demanded entry and I sobbed as I gave him what he wanted. He kissed me, our tongues intertwined, our lips wet. I was breathless when we separated.
“You may have chosen him once during this life but you have chosen me more times than I can count. You’ve continued to choose me every day since we’ve been back. I need you to keep choosing me,” Ethan choked. “You are mine and I will love our child. I will raise him,” he laughed, “or her.” I laughed and wiped my nose as tears and snots mixed.
“I want you to be happy,” I whispered.
“I am happy. With you by my side, growing old together. I’m happy,” Ethan murmured.
“I don’t deserve you but I will continue to choose you, Ethan. Thank you for loving me the way you do.”
“Yes,” he said.
I was pulled from my walk down memory lane as his calm voice broke through the fog. I blinked and looked around. I was standing outside of the packhouse at Desert Moon. Behind me, Ethan smiled at me, his eyes were sure, so sure.
“What about the diapers?” I asked.
“and the wipes,” he confirmed.
“What about-”
“I got the spare clothes too. I got everything, My Queen. You don’t have to worry,” Ethan said. Turning from him, I searched the stroller, checking everything off the mental list I had put together. Ethan walked past me and I sighed when I confirmed that we had everything.
“What would I do without you?” I asked. I gripped the handles and pushed the stroller forward as I walked.
“Momma worries too much, doesn’t she?” Ethan cooed as he lifted our son.
Chubby hands gripped Ethan’s cheeks. A head full of black curly hair dipped forward and bumped into Ethan’s face. When he pulled back a string of saliva hung from his mouth and Ethan’s chin. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“That’s what you get,” I laughed.
Ethan turned around and walked toward me. He closed the distance between us, his index finger lifted my chin up until our eyes met. He leaned down, his lips were gentle against mine. I leaned upon the tips of my toes and deepened the kiss.
His hand ran down my breast and lightly touched my small bump. We broke apart and I lowered my gaze to the baby in his arms. Happy obsidian eyes stared up at me, beautiful black curls framed his face, and thick pink lips spread into a wide smile. We still had our whole lives ahead of us. This was only just the beginning.