Bed

Book:The Forbidden Alpha Published:2024-10-15

What was that?
I wanted to write it off as a dream or a nightmare but I knew better by now. My dreams, my visions of the past, and apparently the ability to speak to the dead are too spot-on to be a dream. No, it was the truth and it was about time I stopped running from it. Shane was my mate, Shane is my mate, and despite the bond pushed on me with Ethan he always was. Questions of what-if scenarios and possibilities that can no longer happen flit through my mind and I want to laugh, but I can’t even smile. My gaze is locked on him and I can’t even find the will to scream or cry. My chest felt cold and hollow as if a piece were missing. I felt the need to claw the space that held my heart but I didn’t move. I felt weak, so weak. I wanted to die and end the pain I was feeling but did I deserve that reprieve? Did I deserve to end it?
If I had known that the curse could be broken would I have wanted to break it? If Olivia had somehow regained her memory during this life as I had and if she somehow found a way to get around the gag order and told me. Would I have wanted to go the route of breaking the curse? Would I have been able to think clearly past the bond that was already in place?
If I had found this out before I came to Half Moon, I almost laugh, I wouldn’t have tried to break the curse. I wouldn’t have wanted Shane. Where would that leave me and Ethan in this life? I would have been thankful to Ethan for breaking my curse and replacing Shane with him.
Why? Because the Shane that I knew in this life was so much worse than the Shane I knew in the beginning. I wouldn’t have remembered that Shane had I not come to Half Moon. Would I have been better off not knowing? Would I have been happier living in ignorance? The term ignorance is bliss never sounded sweeter.
I welcomed the tinge of guilt in my chest as I thought about Shane. It was better than the pain, the agony that wracked my body right now. What about Shane? Did he not matter? Did his feelings mean nothing? Hadn’t he gone through enough already? In the past and in the present.
Hadn’t he been through enough? After years, no, after six lives, he had changed. Was that his fault? He wasn’t the one who put the curse on us. I swallowed at where that thought was going. Shane had become this dark, cruel, evil beast. I couldn’t even call him a man anymore but the Shane I saw in the last two days was the farthest from a beast. It felt like I had seen a snippet, no, a glance at the man he once was. It made my heart bleed at the thought of him being who he was, who he could have been. Could he have made changes in this life? Could he have made better choices? If I had chosen him earlier, could I have prevented him from turning this way? The answer was clear. Yes.
You fell in love with him. You chose him.
Olivia, the witch’s words reminded me of what I had done. I shook my head. I didn’t… I couldn’t… that’s not possible. It reminded me of what had happened here in Half Moon. What happened here, could I still keep it secret? Could I still keep my feelings, my heart hidden now that I’d felt what I felt and did what I had? Did I fall in love with Shane? Had I fallen in love with him? Even as I denied it I knew. That’s what she said, that’s what it took to break the curse, to break the bond between me and Ethan.
Ethan.
Where did that leave him? Where did that leave us? If the curse that had been placed on the three of us was lifted and the mate bond broken and returned to Shane, where did that leave us? What would I feel now that the bond was gone? Would I still feel something? I know I loved him. I was sure of my love for him. Could I forgive him for what he’d done in the past? Yes, I knew the answer before I even finished the question. Could he forgive me after everything I had done?
Despite my actions, despite my lack of showing it, despite my failure in being the best mate… the best partner possible, I loved him. Would we be able to move forward now, knowing that we weren’t mates anymore? Would we be able to go back to how it was even though we wouldn’t feel the same anymore? Would we be able to be with each other now that the bond between us had been returned to Shane? Now that the bond I felt had been returned to his original mate? Now that it had been returned to Mavy?
Goddess, what did it mean for us? Would he be able to see me the same way? Would what I’d done change his opinion on us? Would Mavy change his opinion of me? Would we be chosen mates or would he …. would he choose his Goddess-given mate as he should have from the beginning? Would he reject her for me or would he… Goddess is that what I wanted? Did I want him to reject her and choose me? Did I deserve that? Did Mavy deserve that?
My head felt as if it were splitting open. I gripped my temple and massaged it in hopes of riding it. The headache was the least of my problems. There were so many things I needed to do. I had to reach out to Ethan, I should probably get out of here before anyone finds him, finds us. I swallow. The thought of leaving him here in this room, alone, didn’t sit well. I didn’t want to.