Slowly, I turn and face the other side of the bed, my side of the bed. My heart skips a beat before it starts beating fast as my eyes lock on something leaning against the wall. I swallow and my gaze darts back to the door before returning to the object.
The fantasy I’d been living before I went to bed popped and burned to the ground. Reality quickly slapped me in the face and I was left feeling cold and empty. My hands get clammy as I stare at the sword.
The one that was hanging above the fireplace in Shane’s office. The one from my previous life with Shane. The one I used to sever his head from his body. I still hadn’t had time to slip out and get into his office. I was always with Shane.
Whoever it was, whoever slipped into the Alpha of Half Moon’s room had to know something. My heart flip flops and I turn back to Shane. Tears fill my eyes as I look at him sleeping peacefully beside me.
His curls caress his face, his eyes are closed so I can’t see those dark pools of ash and bits of molten lava, and his eyelashes fan his cheeks. I want to reach out and touch him but at this point, I don’t deserve to.
I don’t deserve to feel, the warmth from his body, or the softness of his lips. I look at him for a minute more, the straightness of his nose, the outline of his sharp jawline, the plumpness of those lips. I smile as that cocky smile of his flashes in my mind.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I reach for the sword. It’s cold and heavier than I remember. The blade is sharp and promises a swift death if I can use enough strength. I know what I saw in my dreams, I lifted the sword and slammed it down on his beautiful neck. I swallowed the dry lump in my throat.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I couldn’t do that again. The anger had been what brought this same sword down on him then. Today, I couldn’t find it in me to hate him.
I could find an ounce of anger or ill-will against Shane. I realized the reason behind today’s kill would not be out of anger, or hate. It would be for revenge for my best friend, justice for Olivia, and to keep my pack safe.
Did I think my pack was in danger from him anymore? No, not so long as I was here but, I guess I couldn’t stay here could I? I couldn’t choose him, I couldn’t choose us. A sob died in my throat and I think something else started to crumble and die as I lifted the sword above my head.
Tears streamed down my cheeks and dripped onto my chest. I took a deep breath and fought the conflicting thoughts that told me to stop. I fought the need to drop the sword and nuzzle into his arms. I ignored the way my heart splintered and cracked as I convinced myself this was the only way.
My fingers trembled as they gripped the sword. I took a deep inhale of air and thrust the sword down into Shane’s chest. His eyes flew open and I cried out as the sharp metal pierced his heart. He was awake?
He coughed and blood spurted out and down his cheek. His eyes stared at me and the look in them tore through me. I couldn’t hold back the sobs as they wracked through my body. Shane didn’t look shocked, he didn’t show any signs of being surprised or hurt. He just stared at me as a smile spread across his bloodied lips. I sob as he reaches up and touches my nose with his finger.
“Did we ever have a chance?” Shake asked. His hand drops to his side. More blood oozed and dripped down his cheek to his neck. My shoulders shake as I cry.
“Sh,” I try and fail to sound soothing. With the same hands that did this to him, I run my hands through his curls. “Was there a chance you would have chosen me?” He coughed. I look down at him and his gaze searched my eyes for an answer I wasn’t ready to admit.
“Not in this life,” I sobbed. I wanted to, Goddess, I wish there was a way I could choose him. I want to close my eyes and look away from him but I can’t. I don’t get to be a coward and turn from what I’ve done. I’m not going to leave him here alone in his last minutes. I should have done a better job, so it didn’t have to be so painful. Damn it, I cried harder. “Not in this life but maybe in the next.”
Tears stream down my face as I stare down at him. I blink the tears away as they start to blur my vision. I want to see him, I want to look into his eyes before the light disappears. I want to be here for him. His eyelids droop and I cry as a ghost of his cocky smirk pulls at the corner of his lips.
“You’re always running from me. Didn’t I tell you? I’d follow you to hell. I’ll follow you into th–” Shane doesn’t finish his sentence. His eyes stare up at me blankly, the smile is still there, and his lips are parted. For a moment, I stare at him waiting for him to finish what he was saying. Even though I know what he was saying. Even though I knew he was telling me he would follow me into the next life. He was telling me he would chase me. He was telling me he’d never let me go. I dropped my head to his chest, my fingers balled into fists as the dam opened. My tears flowed, my cries fell from my lips, and my anguish filled the room. Shane was dead and it was all my fault. I’d come here with the intention of getting close to him, using his only weakness against him, and I did.
Just like in my dreams, I had killed him, I had saved us before the war. Does that mean I stopped the warm from happening? Did I save the lives of my loved ones? Were they safe? Was everyone safe? I pressed my tear-soaked cheek onto Shane’s chest and looked up at his beautiful face. I got revenge for Gabe, I got justice for Olivia, and I kept my pack safe but at what cost? When I plunged that sword into Shane’s chest, I think I plunged it into my own as well.