Was there a kiss that could break it? Was this a dark fairy tale that could have a happy ending now that I knew about the past and the curse? Was there a way to cause a change in the curse? Was there an ending that needed to be reached so that a change would occur? Was there a clause that we never knew of that could stop it and if there was, would I do it? Was there something Shane knew of from the first life? Or was this how it was supposed to go now? Was this how my life was now? Was this how my lives would continue to be?
Was breaking the curse even a possibility? Was the curse meant to be broken or was I going to continue living it? Choosing Ethan meant that I was choosing the curse and while. Didn’t want to dive into it. I didn’t even want to think too hard about it, I knew it to be true. I was not only choosing Ethan, I was choosing to repeat this cycle. I was choosing the curse and I was choosing to live with it. I’d chosen Ethan, I had chosen the curse.
If Shane was cursed as I was, the chances that he would know about the dreams were high. How much he knew was questionable but there’s no way he didn’t know. He had to know. If that were the truth, he could very well know how I killed him in the last life. He would know that I used his sword on him, wouldn’t he?
Yes, he was asleep but he had to know I killed him. In this life, he got me, he finally had me, as he did in the last after the war. Did that mean, he knew his fate all along? I couldn’t remember any life before the last we had and the first one we shared.
Does Shane remember me killing him? And if does, does that mean he’s accepted that fate, so long as he can have me? For however long or short of a time that he does? My throat dries and my stomach drops like a stone when thrown into the water.
Has Shane known all along? Has he known all along what I had planned? Did he go along with it knowing that I want to kill him? Vomit threatens to come up and I swallow it down. My chest is heaving as I start to panic, as my heart starts to break, and as I start to mourn this possibility, as I try to tell myself that it isn’t possible.
That the Shane I know, that the Shane I’ve known wouldn’t… wouldn’t do that, wouldn’t walk right into this, wouldn’t but as I look up at him. I can’t lie to myself, I know. The lies I’d been telling myself come to light and I just know. I know that the Shane I really know, the one that wasn’t as jaded, wasn’t as evil, wasn’t as dark would.
He would ignore the obvious danger and take it. He would laugh and say as long as he was the one who got to choose his destiny, as long as it was his choice, he would go willingly. He would choose the death he wanted and not the death chosen for him by some Goddess in the clouds. He’d think of it as… choosing his own fate. Goddess.
“The things you do to me,” he murmured.
I swallowed and pushed the thoughts down that threatened to push me off the edge and send me into a fit of tears. I didn’t have to ignore them though, I just needed to focus on Shane, be present, and be here. Ignoring the nausea, ignoring the pain, ignoring the possibilities, I focus on Shane. I couldn’t touch him, so I gripped his wrist with my hands.
“What is this space between us? Come here,” I asked. It came out a plea and his eyes burned brighter.
“I don’t think you know how hard it is for me to hold back but I’ve been waiting for so fucking long, Ady. I’ve waited years for you. Standing here for a few more moments is nothing. Being able to watch you and the look on your face as you beg for me makes the wait worth it. You’re worth it.”
I bite my lip. Goddess. I don’t want to think about his words, I don’t want to feel anything other than his lips on mine. I dig my nails into his flesh and a small smile pulls at the corner of his lip.
“But I can see my prey is ready to be devoured,” he growls playfully.
And I sigh as finally, finally, Shane closes the distance between up. His chest brushes against my face, and his free hand grips my exposed thigh. I’m pulled up against the cold window, my face brushes against his chest until I’m face to face with Shane. Goosebumps break out all over my body.
I moan as Shane leans forward and I close my eyes as I wait for his kiss. But none comes, instead, I cry out as he nips hard at the flesh above his hand, the one that’s wrapped around my neck.
“Shane,” I gasp.
He doesn’t show any signs of hearing me. His knee pressed between my legs and into the window. He’s holding my wait up by his thigh. His hand on my thigh travels up, passes my sensitive sex, drifts over my belly, and up over my breast. I hold my breath as he grips my spaghetti strap and in one yank, rips the material clean off.
I don’t even cry, I won’t complain as his rough hand cups my pebbled breast. He massages it as he rubs his thigh against my core. His massage combined with the harsh rhythm of his hand on me has my hips grinding against him for any kind of relief he’ll give him.