Adea
In this life, he was someone I needed to get rid of. He was someone who had hurt me and I just- Images of the ways he’d hurt me in our first life flash through my mind. Feelings of liking it, of liking him hurt me in ways I shouldn’t have.
No, that was before and this is now. Shane is someone I need to get rid of, someone that’s hurt my family, he’s someone I need to kill. This knowledge doesn’t change that fact. I decided that this morning when I woke up from that terrible dream and I needed to fucking stick to it.
Ignoring the way I’d felt, the way I wished for more for him, I swallowed it all down. Everyone has a sob story, anyone can have a dark past. That doesn’t mean I can let it affect me and what I’ve come here to do. What I’ve come here to accomplish.
I will not be swayed. No matter how much my heart disagrees with my mind. Shane’s lips press to mine and I’m yanked from my thoughts. His kiss is everything it usually isn’t. It’s tender, it’s cautious, it isn’t kind but it isn’t rough.
His hand wraps around my neck and tears threaten to prick at the corners of my eyes. Oh, no, the fuck they don’t. I close my eyes and pray they go away as images of him holding me against the wall above Ava’s body run through my mind.
Goddess. This wasn’t supposed to be this hard, this shouldn’t be this hard. I will the images away and curse them as they flood my mind. I try and fail to guard my heart against the onslaught of feelings that force their way in. I’m not supposed to enjoy this.
He kisses me with a gentleness he has never had before. He can say all he wants about not caring about me, about not wanting my heart, and not caring about my opinion or why I’m here but I know that’s all lies.
How can I know this? I know in the way he looked at me all day yesterday, I can tell in the way he restrained himself and in the way he didn’t force me last night when the last thing Shane has ever done was hold back.
I can tell in the way he’s kissing me right now. I know these are basic human rights and I’m not excusing his behavior or the wrongs he’s committed, but for Shane, these are acts of kindness, these are acts of love.
They are acts I’m going to take advantage of because they are his weakness, I am his weakness. I can’t do this with him if I’m focused on more with Shane. I can’t touch him when I’m focused on his feelings and our past.
But I can do this if it is for the plan if it’s for my family… if it’s for my mate. I wrap my arms around his neck, tip my head to the left, part my lips, and kiss him back. I don’t know what part is truth or what part is lie but I don’t linger on that.
A low growl rumbles in his chest and I feel it vibrate against mine as he presses himself into me. There’s no more space separating us and I can feel his hard length between us. His kiss changed from gentle to what I’m used to. It’s rough, it’s all-consuming, and it’s bruising.
My arms tighten around his neck, my heart rate quickens, and my chest heaves with each breath. Shane grinds against me and I slide my hands down his back. I dig my nails into his skin and his piercings press into my chest.
We separate and he lifts his head before he dives into the crook of my neck. His nose roughly glides up my throat. His tongue darts out and licks a trail across my skin, stopping at my mark.
A pained sound rumbles in his chest. My heart pangs painfully. He opens his mouth but before I can protest he wraps his mouth around the mark. Before I can panic, he sucks the mark hard, as if to punish me.
I’m thankful when I don’t feel his canines. It was silly of me to think he would try and mark me. Even so, I shouldn’t show any signs of being against it. If anything, I need him to think I want it.
He releases my sensitive skin with an audible sucking pop sound. Lifting himself up on his arms, he looks down at me. There’s a satisfied smile on his face. My eyes drop to the tattoo on his chest.
Seeing it today, after everything I’ve already seen, gives me a weird mix of emotions. Shane’s anger is understandable but at what point will this stop? Will there ever be an end to it or are we doomed to live the same fate over and over again?
Will I always run in fear from him? Will I always kill him in the end? If he knew about the life before this one, does he know why I’m here? Does that mean he knows about the first one we shared? Is that even possible?
“What’s got you stressed first thing in the morning?” Shane asked.
“Who says I’m stressed?” I asked. He gives me a doubtful look.
“Are you keeping secrets from me?”
I snort. Boy am I.
“Should I distract you?” Shane smiled mischievously as his smirk grew wider.
“No, thank you very much. Don’t you have things to do? Papers to sign? People, to kill?”
“Why? Is there something I should know?” He asked.
The light banter turned serious and I wondered if there was something I needed to know. My brows furrow and he lowered himself until his chest pressed into mine. Something menacing flashed in his eyes. I reach out and cup his cheek.
“No, is there something I should know?” I asked as I reached his gaze.
A smile pulled at the corners of his lips. If I didn’t know him, it wouldn’t look like one but since I did, I could spot it. Relief filled his features and the beast I’d seen in his gaze retreated.
“No, nothing.”