Adea
I’m not fooling anyone, we can both see my chest rising and falling, and I know he sees my hardened peaks. I don’t know when it happened but I’ve taken a few steps back. When my backside pressed against the cold tile, I cry out. It’s still sensitive from the slap and Shane’s hand is on my hip pushing me back into the wall.
I try not to look but it’s hard not to. Something long, hard, and intimidating is pointing at me. My body is hot as my hips move with the rhythm and something I don’t name starts building.
Shane doesn’t let me squirm away and my mind goes blank as he picks up the pace. He finds an unforgiving rhythm as his fingers rub harsh circles into my clit. I can’t help the whimper that falls from my lips as my body starts to wriggle under his touch. I reach out to grip his wrist in hopes of stopping him. He doesn’t bat an eye and his fingers still keep up their fierce torment.
“Shane,” I plead.
Shane’s gaze leaves my spread legs as he looks up at me, his hair cascading down his face and cheek, his lips parted. My body is jerking against his touch and his lips part when he sees that I’m close. He’s a few inches away from that aching spot between my thighs and I’m so conflicted. The pressure is building and I’m being driven by my desires.
“Come for me, come for me right now.”
The demand leaves his lips and I come as he pinches my sensitive nub hard. I almost double over as my orgasm crashes over me. I spasm as my nails dig into his shoulders as I hold myself up.
Guilt. That’s the first thing I feel when I come down from the high of my orgasm. Absolute guilt. I told myself I would shut down my emotions and my thoughts when I stepped into this shower but here I was backtracking and doing what I told myself I wouldn’t.
“Such a good girl,” Shane groaned.
I didn’t have the right to but I couldn’t help but feel for my mate. I was doing what I knew I needed to and I hated myself for doing it but what I hated, even more, was the fact that I didn’t hate it as much as I should have.
Did he know what was happening?
Did he know what I was doing?
Could he feel what I was feeling? Could he ever forgive me?
If he could, did I deserve it?
Did I deserve Ethan?
My stomach churned as I remembered Gabe. He felt something was wrong with Olivia when she went through what she did… when she was tortured. Ethan may have felt something. The chances of it were high.
Although… I didn’t sleep with Shane. Would he only feel it through the bond if we slept together? Or could he feel that something was wrong with me? Could he only feel it if I was doing something I should be? Or only when I didn’t want it?
I swallowed. Is that what I wanted? Did I want what just happened? I hated myself for thinking it but if it meant that Ethan didn’t feel anything, I could be honest with myself. Goddess, I was fucked up.
Despite everything Shane had subjected Liv to, here I was writhing under his fingers, under his touch. What I hated were the feelings boarding on pity and like. I hated every minute that I spend actually enjoying his company.
I couldn’t stop the self-loathing, I couldn’t ignore it as it began to eat at my gut, eat at my conscience. Pain pricked at my heart as I thought of Gabe and what he’d been through. I didn’t even want to start wondering what he would think if he saw me now.
Despite it all, I still felt like I was doing the right thing, making the right choice. I knew what I was doing was wrong, so wrong but the reason behind it was right. It was too late to second guess my choice.
I’d come too far to turn back now. The chance to regret my actions would come later if I was given that. As long as I could keep my family safe. It was a mantra now, it’s what kept me going.
All I could do at this point was accept what I had done and what I would do to get close to Shane. That should be my main focus. Yes, there had been a setback today but I wasn’t going to let it deter me from accomplishing what I came here to do.
I needed to throw myself into this. Quitting was out of the question. I would do everything I could to see this through. If I had to sell my soul to the devil to get a chance at bringing him down, I’d do it. Before the tornado of self-doubt and inner turmoil could hit me again, I shook my head. I would not let myself go down that rabbit hole.
Standing to his feet, he once again towered over me. He reached over and grabbed my hand, placing it on his chest, right next to his piercing, and right above his tattoo. It felt like a reminder, I lifted my chin and looked up at him, and I searched his gaze for answers.
Shane stared down his nose at me. His hand gripped my hip and slowly I was pulled forward until something thick and hard pressed against my belly. Goddess, this man. I held his gaze, refusing to look down between us.
Refusing to check him out, refusing to get an eyeful of his thick hard cock as I felt it pressed against me. I wouldn’t look at him, I would just get it over and done with. My hands moved first as they reached out in front of me. Before I could make contact, he stopped me with his free hand.
“No,” he said.