Ethan
Bright rays caressed my skin and just like that, I was awake. My first conscious thought was always her. Normally when I woke up in the morning, my mate was fast asleep in my arms or on top of me, and I would watch her sleep for a few minutes. It was at that moment that life stood still and everything was right in the world, it was just us. If not for the headache that threatened to split my head open, that’s what I would be doing. Our bodies were not pressed together and I couldn’t feel her warmth.
Fuck, I felt sick to my stomach. My head felt heavy as I rolled over on my side. As I reached out for my mate, the memory of last night replayed through my mind. It wasn’t like I needed the reminder, I remembered it plain as day. It didn’t stop me from seeking her out when I first opened my eyes.
I had gone to bed feeling as if I’d been punched in the gut but I told myself to stop hovering, that she would come when she was ready. I told her that I loved her but she didn’t respond. She was angry and I didn’t want to push her.
I didn’t believe she didn’t want me, not for a second. It was the hesitation I saw on her face whenever Shane was involved that scared the living shit out of me. Was it because she feared him or was it because she still felt something for him?
The change in her face added gasoline to the small fire of insecurity I felt when it came to him. The looks, the way her heartbeat sped up as she looked at him only made the insecurity fester into something ugly. The warning signs screamed that she wanted him. I knew it was all in my head but that small dark part of me told me it was there.
I was the biggest asshole in the world for unloading on her. She didn’t need that and it didn’t make the situation any better but when it came to him, common sense flew out the window.
Last night, I went off on her when I should have kept my feelings in check. When it comes to Adea all I do is feel. She’s not just my mate but my person. It wasn’t her fault, none of this was her fault. I know the right thing to do was to give her space, so I gave her that last night but Goddess it was hard. Elijah demanded that I pull her into my arms and held her. Goddess, I wanted to but I just wanted to make it better and I didn’t know how.
It was a struggle keeping away from her. The Alpha in me demanded that I make her fall to her knees and submit to me but the man in me that loved her more than life itself didn’t want to force her to do anything. She’s My Queen and if I was the one responsible for hurting her, I would try my damn hardest to give her space to breathe.
I love her and she loves me but it was hard to ignore that negative voice in my head. The one that told me she was going to leave me if I kept pressing her. I hated to admit it but it was part of the reason why I didn’t touch her last night. She’d looked so broken, so hurt, so quiet.
I knew my mate would never leave me, deep down I knew but that damned voice was loud, louder than my ability to think straight. It’s why I didn’t force her to look at me, why I didn’t hold her down and kiss her until she was breathless. As much as I wanted to make her tell me she didn’t mean any of it, I held back.
My hand landed on cool sheets. I swiped my hand left and right as I searched for her, as I sought her warmth. When I came up empty I froze. My ears strained as I listened, I realized it was quiet, too quiet. I couldn’t hear her slow breathing or the sound of her heart beating. The silence was deafening.
My eyes flew open, the first thing I saw was an empty bed. I was alone and my mate was gone. The sheets pooled around my waist as I sat up in bed. The room was spinning but I focused on the bathroom door. It was wide open, the light was off, and it was empty. She wasn’t there.
Jumping to my feet, I throw on shorts and groan as I run for the door. My mind went to the worst possible thing but my heart assured me she was fine. I just needed to see if Leo was outside. If her guard was gone then I would know he escorted her either down to breakfast or wherever she went.
My heart rate sped up as a sinking feeling started snaking its way through my chest. When I wrap my hand around the door handle, I throw it open and find Leo standing guard. My suspicions are confirmed and my heart drops.
Leo turns to me and bows his head but I ignore him as I look down the hallway. I know she won’t be there but can’t help but scan it hopefully. Her guard is speaking to me but every word is muffled. My mind was going to that dark place I’d locked up since she walked into my life.
The one that made me strong enough to get to where I am. The one that made me want to tear everything apart just to find her despite the hole she’d left in the middle of my chest. If not here, where would she be? How would she have left?
She left me.
She left me.
She left me.
She left me.