Adea
I’m sorry, what?
What is it, Adea?
I ignored my wolf. I was too stunned to speak. My heart dropped out of my chest and the happiness I’d been feeling was gone. My body froze and I stopped breathing. I couldn’t have heard him right. Did he just?
I’m failing to understand what’s going on, Adea. Ethan’s our mate. It’s natural for us to have pups. What’s not natural, is your reaction.
I wasn’t sure what to think or how to feel. I knew when I found my mate, pups would eventually come. There may have been a time that pups crossed my mind but that was before.
Had I not had the dream where I felt my despair so clearly this wouldn’t have bothered me. If I didn’t have a pup, I wouldn’t have to worry about losing it with what’s to come.
Had I not been reminded of the miscarriage in my last life, I might not have minded. No, I know I wouldn’t have minded. I wanted the future all mated wolves had.
When you find out you are having pups with the love of your life, it’s a happy time. I would have been happy, should have been happy. So why did I freeze? Did I not want a child with Ethan? No, I definitely did. I knew that why my heart and soul.
Having pups was a part of life, a part I wanted with my mate, eventually. It was the next step for us and would be when we were safe. I would have cried and been emotional about Ethan wanting to start a family right now. I was emotional but I was also well aware of the dangers we faced with Shane.
In my previous life, he hadn’t known about the child. What would he have done if he knew beforehand? I try not to think of the possibilities but I know my child never would have lived to breathe his or her first breath.
What I feared was losing it. What I dreaded was having to live my past life again, without my loved ones in this world anymore. Tears filled my eyes and blurred my vision. There was nothing I wanted more than to live happily with Ethan and a pup… no, with Ethan and pups that looked like him.
I wanted that, desperately I did but I couldn’t. We couldn’t start a family and bring pups into this world. Who knew how long we had before Shane tried to strike us down? How long did we have?
No, we couldn’t bring defenseless pups into the world while he was free to do whatever he pleased and moved without punishment. It wasn’t a good idea. Not until Shane was out of our lives for good. We wouldn’t be safe, our kids, our family, and our pack wouldn’t be safe with him still breathing. We needed him dead. Shane had to go. That was the only way.
Let’s not pretend that we both don’t know how this all ends.
His words started playing on repeat in my mind. What did he mean? Let’s not pretend… Goddess. Did he know? COULD he know? Was that even possible? Maybe someone told him. No… there weren’t many who knew of my dreams. Even then they didn’t know the entirety of them and they were a part of my inner circle.
If no one told him… did that mean he had the dreams too? What would that mean for me if he knew? Goddess, I hope he didn’t have the dreams. Is that what this was riding on now? Hope? Would I have to leave it up to hope to ensure my family’s future?
Would I let it stop me from doing everything in my power to stop it from repeating, to stop Shane? Maybe this was what I could do. Maybe I could change fate if I…
“Adea?”
The concern in Ethan’s voice cut through my thoughts like a knife. I tried and failed to calm my rapidly beating heart. Blinking, I focused on my mate, his eyes were searching, his forehead wrinkled as he watched me.
“Are you okay? What happened?” Ethan asked.
“I… I spaced out.”
“I know. You’ve been out of it for a few minutes. I carried you to the bed,” Ethan said carefully.
I’ll be seeing you again soon, Ady.
Shane’s voice was in my head. No, I can’t. I can’t let him come to me. I have to do something about it. If I’m going to, it has to be now. I’m going to do something about it.
When the faucet turns on, the thoughts flood in again like water breaking through a damn. We’re sitting ducks if I don’t do something. If I stay, we’re just waiting for Shane to make the first move and I’ve seen how that plays out.
I know how that ends and I can’t, no, I won’t let that happen again. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do to prevent history from repeating when maybe all I needed to do was make a decision I hadn’t done before. If I did something, I could change things. I know I could. Shane can’t come here and hurt those I love if I go to him first.
Adea.
No. I would not have her trying to change my mind. For the first time, in probably the entirety of my life, I was finally thinking straight. I had an actual answer to my problem.
This is not thinking straight, Adea. Say you go to him. What then? What do you do when Shane has you?
I’d kill him.
I pushed Korra to the farthest parts of my mind and locked her there. I had made the choice to kill him and I know I could do it. I’ve done it before. I’ve seen it, so I know. I’ve even seen the weapon I use. The sword, Alpha Joshua’s sword. He used to keep it in his office.
My stomach was in my throat as I contemplated murder and treason but if that’s what it takes to keep my family safe, I’d do it. I’d do anything.
My heart was starting to break. I’d do everything in my power to come back. I may not be able to have a future with Ethan… but if I can keep him, Gabe, and the rest of our pack safe… I’d do it.