I looked at him, speechless, his expression as if he’d just seen a ghost. The memory of his touch was still raw, and I could still feel the lingering ache of his presence inside me.
“You didn’t tell me you were a virgin,” he said, his voice strained, eyes boring into mine. I just sat there on his lap, the connection between us still too intimate, too real.
“I wouldn’t have even messed with you in the first place,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, frustration evident.
“Sorry,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. I felt a mix of shame and regret, my head bowed, avoiding his gaze.
“I’ll take you home,” he said, his tone distant, almost mechanical.
The moment he slid out of me was painfully awkward, a stark reminder of the vulnerability I’d exposed. The pleasure was overshadowed by a growing sense of humiliation. I dressed hurriedly, fumbling with my clothes, before stepping out of the car, feeling the chill of the evening air.
The drive back was suffocating in its silence. Cyrus stared straight ahead, his jaw clenched, saying nothing. When he finally pulled over a few miles from my house, he unlocked the door without a word.
I glanced at him, hoping for some sign of warmth or understanding, but he remained cold, not even glancing my way. I managed a weak smile, but it fell flat against his indifference.
Grabbing my bag, I stepped out of the car, my heart heavy. I liked him so much, and his distant behavior stung more than I could express. The physical ache from our encounter was matched by a deeper emotional pain, and I felt foolish and used.
Entering the house, I tried to keep my composure. Grey was in the dining area, casually eating, but I wasn’t up for conversation. My thoughts were a jumble of confusion and hurt.
As I moved toward the stairs, Blue came down, a cheerful grin spreading across his face when he saw me.
“Hey,” he greeted, his eyes twinkling with friendliness.
“Hi,” I replied, forcing a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
“You seem off,” he observed, his brow furrowing with concern.
“I’m fine,” I said, my voice clipped, rolling my eyes to deflect his attention.
“Lena,” Grey called, setting down his fork and walking toward me, his expression turning serious.
“Not now,” I muttered, brushing past them both, desperate to escape their scrutiny and the turmoil in my head.
Up in my room, I collapsed onto my bed, the weight of the evening crashing over me. I replayed the night’s events, the hope, the awkwardness, and the stark reality of Cyrus’s rejection. I buried my face in my pillow, a sob escaping my lips as I grappled with the tangled emotions swirling inside me.
I felt so used, even though I knew Cyrus didn’t like me. I’d given him something I’d guarded from so many others, and he didn’t even want to see or talk to me afterward. I liked him a lot, and I’d hoped-against all logic-that he might feel the same.
Tears welled up again, and I broke down, my sobs echoing in the emptiness of my room. The pain was sharper than I’d expected, and I wished desperately that I’d never fallen for him at all. If only I could turn off my feelings and move on with my life. I heard my door close. Knowing someone just entered my Room
I suddenly remembered my door was slightly ajar. My heart pounded as I silently prayed it wasn’t Ezra standing outside. I wasn’t ready to face his judgment or his overprotective concern. I needed my mom. I needed her understanding and comfort more than ever.
“Lena,” my mom’s voice broke through my thoughts. She stepped inside, her eyes softening as she took in my tear-streaked face. She sat beside me on the bed and pulled me into a hug, her warmth and gentleness a balm to my aching heart.
“What happened?” she asked, her hand soothingly patting my hair.
“I’m so dumb, Mom,” I sobbed, the words spilling out in a torrent of guilt and pain.
“What? You’re not, baby,” she said, her voice calm and reassuring, trying to wipe away my tears.
“But I am,” I insisted, pulling back slightly to look at her.
“Who told you that?” she asked, inching closer, her concern deepening.
“Nobody, but I know,” I said, my voice trembling. “I did something so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Selena,” she said, her tone firm but kind. “You are beautiful, confident, and wise.”
“Not wise, though,” I murmured, shaking my head, tears still flowing.
My mom cupped my face, forcing me to meet her eyes. “We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t make you foolish or unworthy. It’s a part of growing up, learning who to trust and how to protect your heart.”
Her words were a lifeline, pulling me from the depths of my despair. I clung to her, finding solace in her presence, even as the pain of the night lingered in my heart.
“Mom, I did something really stupid,” I began, my voice quivering. “Cyrus and I, we’ve been doing things I shouldn’t have let happen. I gave him a blowjob, and he touched me…” I paused, searching her face for any sign of disappointment or anger, but all I saw was a calm, understanding gaze that encouraged me to continue.
“Today, we… we went further. We had sex. It was my first time,” I whispered, feeling a knot tighten in my throat. “It wasn’t for long. As soon as he started, he asked me if I was a virgin. When I said yes, he just stopped. He said he shouldn’t have messed with me at all and then drove me home. He didn’t even try to make me feel better. I feel so stupid, Mom. Used and discarded.” My voice broke, and tears streamed down my face.
Mom’s arms wrapped around me in a comforting embrace. She didn’t scold or look disappointed; instead, she held me tightly, patting my back and letting me cry into her shoulder.
“Everyone makes mistakes, sweetie,” she began softly, her voice soothing and gentle. “I’m not saying what you did was okay, but you can’t blame yourself entirely. Cyrus is just as responsible, if not more. And honestly, we should probably blame his parents for giving him that irresistible face,” she added with a slight chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.
I managed a weak smile through my tears, appreciating her attempt to make me feel better.
“So, here’s what you need to do,” she continued, her tone becoming more reassuring. “Put on your big girl pants and move forward. Don’t dwell on him if he doesn’t appreciate you. It’s tough, I know, to just stop liking someone. But remind yourself every time you think of him that he’s not worth your tears. He’s the one who lost out by not seeing your worth.”
She kissed my forehead, her eyes full of love and encouragement. “There are so many guys out there who would be thrilled just to have the chance to talk to you. Give them a shot. Socialize, meet new people, and eventually, you’ll find someone who truly values and respects you.”
Her words were like a balm to my wounded heart. I felt a small spark of hope ignite within me, easing some of the pain and self-loathing I had been feeling.
“You’re the best mom in the world,” I said, feeling a sense of relief and gratitude. Her reassurance and unwavering support meant everything to me.
“And you’re a wonderful daughter,” she replied, kissing my forehead again. “I love you, baby. And remember, you’ll always have me, no matter what.”
Her arms around me felt like a shield against the world, and her words filled me with the strength I needed to face the challenges ahead.
~~
Cyrus’s mind wasn’t in the game. His movements were sluggish, his reactions delayed, and it was painfully obvious to Ezra, who finally paused the game in frustration.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Ezra asked, tossing his gamepad onto the couch.
Cyrus looked at him, his expression conflicted. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been off all night. You’re usually wiping the floor with me, and today you can’t even focus. What’s up?” Ezra pressed, his eyes narrowing as he studied Cyrus.
Cyrus sighed heavily, leaning back against the couch and rubbing his temples. “There’s this girl…”
Ezra’s eyes lit up with intrigue. “A girl? You? Seriously?”
Cyrus chuckled half-heartedly. “Not like that. We’re just… hanging out. Having fun.”
“But you’re into her?” Ezra asked, leaning forward, his interest piqued.
“No, it’s not that,” Cyrus insisted, though his tone suggested otherwise. “There’s just something about her I can’t resist. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Okay, so if it’s not her looks or her personality, what is it? Her vibe? Her…?” Ezra trailed off, searching for the right words.
“It’s… everything,” Cyrus admitted, exasperated. “I just enjoy being around her. But today, something happened.”
Ezra’s eyebrows shot up in curiosity. “Did you guys have a fight?”
“No, not exactly,” Cyrus said, shaking his head. “It’s worse. Today, I found out she’s a virgin. I didn’t know, and it… threw me off.”
“Wait, what?” Ezra’s eyes widened in shock. “You didn’t know until…?”
“Yeah,” Cyrus said, his voice low. “Right when we… you know. I had no idea until I was already inside her…”
Ezra leaned back, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. “That’s intense, man. What did you do?”
“I freaked out,” Cyrus admitted, his face showing a mixture of guilt and regret. “I told her I shouldn’t have messed with her and drove her home. I couldn’t even look at her properly.”
Ezra’s expression softened a bit, understanding the gravity of the situation. “Man, that’s rough. You really like this girl, don’t you?”
Cyrus shook his head. “It’s not about liking or not liking. It’s just… she’s different. I don’t want to hurt her, but I already did. I shouldn’t have… I mean, I wouldn’t have, if I’d known.”
Ezra sighed, leaning forward and clasping his hands together. “You can’t just leave it like that. Her first time is a big deal. You need to talk to her, make things right.”
Cyrus looked at him, his eyes filled with uncertainty. “What am I supposed to say? ‘Sorry for ruining your first time’? That sounds terrible.”
“You need to be honest,” Ezra said, his tone firm but understanding. “Tell her how you feel. Apologize properly. Don’t make her feel like she was just a mistake. If you care about her, even just as a person, she deserves that much.”
Cyrus nodded slowly, absorbing Ezra’s words. “You’re right. I need to talk to her.”
“Definitely,” Ezra agreed, a supportive smile appearing on his face. “And hey, if you need help figuring out what to say, you know where to find me.”
Cyrus managed a small smile. “Thanks, man. I’ll handle it. I just hope she’ll hear me out.”
“She will,” Ezra said confidently.
” You suddenly have an heart” Cyrus said chuckling.
“sometimes I do like… if this had happened to my sister, I’d be out for blood. So, don’t screw it up, okay?”
Cyrus laughed, the tension easing slightly. “Got it. Thanks for the pep talk.”
“No problem,” Ezra said, picking up his gamepad again. “Now, let’s get back to the game. And try not to suck this time.”
Cyrus chuckled, picking up his gamepad as well. Despite the lingering weight of the conversation, he felt a bit more hopeful, ready to make things right with Selena even as friends at least.
~~
Cyrus hadn’t seen Selena for the past two weeks. Each visit to her house ended in frustration-she was either out or behind a locked door.
Today, he stood near the entrance of their school Corridor, trying to follow a conversation with Bianca, who droned on about her summer plans. His attention was elsewhere, though, scanning the crowd for a familiar face.
As his eyes drifted, he finally saw her. Selena, with her friend Eva, emerged from a class laughing about something. Cyrus felt a rush of anxiety mixed with excitement. He had to talk to her.
“I have to go, Bianca,” he interrupted.
“It’s Brittany,” she corrected, her face falling, but he had already started walking away.
Cyrus threaded his way through clusters of chatting students, ignoring their curious glances, and soon found himself in front of Selena. The world around them seemed to blur as he focused on her.
“Hi,” he said, trying to sound casual, though his heart raced even though he doesn’t know why it did that. Probably because what he did wasn’t nice at all, especially to his best friend’s sister.
Selena’s smile faded as she noticed him. Eva, standing beside her, crossed her arms.
“What the hell do you want?” Eva snapped, her eyes narrowing.
Cyrus winced but didn’t take his eyes off Selena. “Stay out of it,” he replied curtly to Eva, then softened his tone as he turned back to Selena. “Hey,” he repeated, a hopeful smile tugging at his lips.
Selena didn’t return his smile. Instead, her eyes flashed with hurt and anger. She scoffed, then grabbed Eva’s hand. “Let’s go,” she said, her voice icy.
Cyrus watched, stunned, as they walked away. His chest tightened as Selena’s cold dismissal sank in. He hadn’t expected this reaction-hadn’t anticipated the complete shutdown of the warm connection they once shared. Not actually a warm connection but there was something good there though.
He stood there, frozen, as the realization hit him hard, she had just walked away from him.
TBC