JESSICA
I wish that I could just go back to that quiet life that I used to live. Go to work, maybe go out for drinks with friends, go home to my dog and repeat. But no, I had to run into him. I had to find that man that wouldn’t know what the word no means. At first I thought he was charming. Quickly that turned into a nightmare. Soon he was showing up everywhere. I had to move, change my number several times. He doesn’t get that I am not his, he has deluded himself that I am playing some game and not that I am actually terrified of him and want him just to leave me alone. The police were no help. I filed a restraining order, but that did nothing.
After this move I have been relieved of having to deal with him for the past three months. Still I have to look around every corner, expecting him to turn up. I hate living in this constant fear.
Tonight I decided to go to the gym and see if I can tire myself out so that I can actually sleep tonight. I feel like I haven’t slept more than a couple of hours a night for the last six months. Two years of this and I feel like I am dead on my feet all the time. I need a break. I just want to feel safe. I keep feeling like someone is watching me when I do manage to fall asleep.
The pool always relaxes me, so I figure I will start there. There are few people here at this hour even though the gym is open twenty four hours. I don’t really mind, it’s not like I am here to be sociable. Actually I would prefer not to have to talk to people. I can quickly change into my suit and pretend that I am just here for an evening swim. That my life is normal. That I don’t have a monster chasing me down.
Sliding through the warm water felt amazing. I couldn’t help but feel the water lap against my skin and revel in the calm that it created. I sat on the edge longer than I intended to, just enjoying the small waves that rocked against my skin. Will I ever be able to enjoy something this simple again without having something hanging over my shoulders? I guess I’ll never know.
Taking to the water I focus on my strokes. The way my body moves with the water and the way my body slices through the water up ahead. Taking turn after turn I feel my body bend with the familiarity that I used to have when in the water. It almost seems like a lifetime ago.
I moved to this small town in hopes of finally having my life back, but I guess I still don’t feel like I have it. I still feel like an outsider. I still feel like I have this monster that wants to find me. I still feel as though this is all just temporary. Like it is all going to be gone long before I can ever truly enjoy it.
When I start to feel like I can sleep, I climb out of the pool. It looks pretty deserted now, but then again I have been in the water for a while. I guess I get overly confident, or else I am just too tired to pay attention, but I dropped my guard. I let myself think I was alone. When I reach for my towel, I feel a pair of arms wrap around my middle. I stifle a scream because that will only make him angry.
“I have missed you baby.” He whispers in my ear. “You have to stop doing this. This game has gone on long enough.” He even bites my neck to make it clear that he is upset with me.
“Sydney, what are you doing here?” I ask as I try to take deep breaths but I feel like my lungs aren’t working. Like I can never get enough air. He does this to me. He makes me feel trapped and like I am dying.
I can hear his tone before it even comes out as it vibrates through his chest. “What the hell do you mean? I am here to take you home.” He growls at me.
“Sydney, we talked about this. We are not together anymore. You are supposed to stay away from me.” I try to keep my voice even and in control but I feel anything but in control. I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. I am having trouble catching my breath, but that doesn’t mean that I am not going to stand my ground.
It is times like this that I feel like just giving up. Just doing whatever he wants and being his captive bride, because that is all he seems to want. That is why I told him it was over in the first place. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere without him. He told my friends that they couldn’t speak to me anymore. Most of them listened too. Then he started locking me in the house. He said that he couldn’t trust me to leave and be safe. I couldn’t go to work. I couldn’t even walk the dog. That was when I decided that a life away from him was the only way that I was going to have a life at all. And now this.
His grip on me tightens and then he forces me to turn around so that I am facing him. “That is enough Jessica. You are coming home with me now and we are going to stop these games. I don’t know who filled your head with these lies but they need to stop now. You and I belong together. You know it and I know it. So let’s stop pretending and go live our lives the way that we are supposed to.” His voice is angry but in control. I can tell though that he is slowly losing his patience. He doesn’t lose it often, most of the time he is completely in control. He always prides himself on being in control. But this is one time that I think he isn’t going to keep it in mind.
Sydney is a tall blond that caught my attention easily enough. He was so sweet when we first met. I used to like looking into his blue eyes as he would tell me how much he loved being with me. But that wasn’t enough. Now the very thought of him scares me. “I am not going with you, Sydney.” I state firmly. “I don’t love you anymore. Please stop this and move on with your life. Please for both of our sakes.”
I visibly see when his control snaps. His face contorts into a sneer and his hand flies faster than I have seen it in a long time. I let out a scream as a blinding pain radiated from my cheek, in through my nose and my eye. I know he hits hard, but it always feels worse. Sometimes I wonder if he even realizes he hits me as hard as he does. The force of the hit causes me to spin out of his other arm and land on the rubber mat on the floor.
“Now, we are going to go to that shithole of an apartment that you rented, we are going to get your things and that damn dog that you love so much. We are going fucking home and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
Then as if a white knight stepped right out of the pages of a novel, Sydney is tackled down. They knock into the benches and roll around. Punches are traded and I don’t even know who is winning. I am scared to move. Not because I am afraid of Sydney, but because I am scared for my savior. He is risking so much to help me. He doesn’t even know me. Sydney isn’t afraid of anything, he isn’t going to be afraid of this man who is trying to help me. In fact he could hurt him really badly.
When they roll closer to the pool I worry that they are going to fall in, but the savior seems to catch his footing and stands over Sydney. He gets his foot on his chest. “I suggest you leave the lady alone. She didn’t want to go with you.”
Sydney spits up at him. “Mind your own fucking business. And leave my wife alone.” We were never married. He started calling me his wife around the time he made me quit working.
“I’m sorry but I am never going to stand by while a man hits a woman, it isn’t in me. Clearly you are in the wrong here. Now I suggest you move away and leave. She doesn’t want to go with you.” He eases up on Sydney only slightly because he is prepared for Sydney to fight back.
He doesn’t turn his back on Sydney. “Miss, go get dressed, I’ll see you home. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, I can call my brother, he is a police officer and he can escort you home, either way you will be safe.”
I say the only thing that comes to mind. “Thank you.” Then I scurry away to the locker rooms so that I can change. I have no idea what just happened, but for the first time in two years, I feel like I have an alli.