Chapter 92: Pillow talk
Lily’s POV
We laid down side by side, facing each other in silence. I was laying with one hand under my head and the other resting on my thighs while he also had one hand under his head but the other on my face, playing with my skin.
The atmosphere was tense and awkward, it seemed there were so many unsaid words and questions that he had but he couldn’t speak.
I on the other hand was in a dilemma. I had sworn off Alex, promising to make him and his family suffer like I did yet here I was, hardly a breath away from him after letting him have me. Well I had him but you know…
**
Fuck!, how did I let it come to this. I should’ve resisted, I shouldn’t have let him touch me in the first place.
“Get your hands off me!.” I screamed and pushed him away in disgust as I struggled off the bed and left the room.
**
That was what my subconscious had been replaying in my head and telling me to act on. But who was I kidding. It was okay for me to lie to others but I would be doing myself a disservice if I continued lying to myself.
The truth was that, I couldn’t hate this man. No matter how hard I tried. I was attracted to him like a magnet. His scent alone could have me on my knees.
He still had that much control over me, until now and forever. It was impossible to lose all I felt for him because what I felt wasn’t just a crush or an infatuation that could easily pass away. What I felt is beyond comprehension.
I love this man. My soul yearns for him, even if he was present. He sets my soul on fire. I had this great desire to become one with him if that was possible.
His smile was like nothing I had ever seen. It could light me up even in my darkest days. His eyes, although they seem dull and void of emotion but they speak depths and volumes to me. When he looks at me, I feel like I’m the prettiest girl alive, I feel like I’m worth more than Egypt’s treasures. He makes me feel like I’m a beautiful island. He makes me feel like I’m a person, a person worth loving and caring for.
His choice of words, how he describes my beauty, how he describes me as a person, even I do not know what he speaks of. He makes me feel like a goddess.
I love him…
I admit that I love this man. I love the way he thinks, his sense of humor, his charisma, his sexy body, his name, his voice. I love everything that makes him who he is.
I have missed him so much…
So much that my heart hurt physically when I think of the moments we’ve shared. All these time it hurt me so much that I just wanted to call it off and hug him tightly.
Everyday I thought of him, he was constant on my mind. When I wake up the morning without him, I think of the days, I woke up next to him. I could be peeing and he would come to my mind. If we have twenty four hours in a day, I thought about him for twenty two hours.
I had not realized how attached I had been with him. It’s like I need him to survive.
I’m done fighting all these feelings, I deserve to be happy and so does he. I have to let him know. I have tell him all my secrets and hope that he forgives me so we can start afresh on a clean slate. I wanted to give us a chance again to love each other and i hope he does too.
“I have something to say.” We blurted out in unison and chuckled.
“Let me go first.” I said as I sat up with his help.
“No, please let me go first. I just need to get this out of my chest now. Perhaps what I have to say might change what you intend to say. After I’m done, it’s your choice to do with it, however you please. ” He said with a straight face as he sat up facing me.
I gulped as I watched him. “You’re scaring me now, I have to go first please.” I begged.
“Alright.” He sniffed and ran his hands over his face.
“I have not been completely honest with you. I’ve been lying about so many things, in fact concealing things that you are required to know”. I said.
“Like what?”. He asked eagerly with furrowed brows.
“I haven’t been completely honest about my feelings… for you.” I said quietly.
He opened his mouth and closed it again as he watched me quietly, anxious to hear the next thing I was about to say.
I wiped my sweaty hands on my dress, inhaled and exhaled as I kept my eyes on him too. I was about to confess my feelings to this man, maybe not for the first time but probably the last time, if he rejects me.
“I… I’m afraid that I…”. I paused and pinched my brows. I would literally pass out if I’m rejected or bash my head on the mirror.
“Please just go on. I can take it.” He sighed defeated.
I identified his frustration but shrugged it off and continued. “I love you Alex… I always have, no matter the circumstances that occurred, my feelings have never changed and I doubt if ever there would come a time when I would not love you.” I said in one breath with my eyes closed.
I opened my eyes after a while to find Alex staring back at me with shock evident in his eyes.
He sighed and ran his hands over his face. His expression hardened and he looked to be deep in thought then he sighed again and bent his head down.
“You should have let me go first princess.” He sighed exasperated again.
“What did you say?”. I sprang up and held my stomach. “I had just poured out my heart to you and this is how you respond?!.” To say I was unnerved would be a grave trivialization.
I was seconds away from pummeling my head repeatedly.
“Take it easy”. He rushed to my side. “Remember the doctor said that stress is not good for you nor the baby.”
“Oh get away from me!.” I pushed him aside. “So now you care about me and my baby.” I moved to the wardrobe and picked out a pair of lose joggers and a big polo shirt.
“Lily please calm down, you’re getting it all wrong. I got what you said but I…”
“But what Alex.” I screamed at him in a broken voice. “You don’t feel the same way?”. I asked dreading his answer as I struggled to put on the clothes. The whole thing was really frustrating.
“Lily it’s not…”
“It’s not what, huh?.” I wiped my eyes and sniffed. “Why don’t you love me, tell me Alex, why?. I know I try to make it easy for you to love me so why don’t you love me!!!?.” I screamed as i broke into tears . “Why… why don’t you need me as much as I need you?.”
He just stood there watching me with his ugly hands dangling at his side like a fucking sim of a bitch. Aghhhh. I just feel so fucking stupid crying and begging a man to love me and need me.
I wiped my eyes and gathered a few things in my purse as I made my way to the door. “Where are you going?.” He asked moving rapidly towards me.
“Ahh he speaks!.” I scoffed and pulled the door open.
“Where are you going?, This is no time for games”. I eyed him and continued walking down the stairs with him following behind me.
“Are you leaving the house?”. He pulled me to a stop as we got out of the house.
“My apologies, I guess I failed to recall that you were keeping me prisoner here, right?”. I asked with raised brows.
“I’m sorry”. He sighed. “That’s not what I mean. It’s just that you haven’t left the house in months and now you’re abruptly leaving out of anger I presume… I’m just concerned for your safety, that’s all.” He explained.
“Hmm”. I put my hands on my waist and sized him up. “Well Mr. Concerned, I’m going out”. I turned on my heels and began making my way to the gate.
“Are you walking to wherever you’re going to?”. He asked with raised brows and slight humor lacing in his tone.
“No, I’ll book a ride. Quit questioning me”. I hissed in annoyance. I wonder who he was trying to make jokes with. Pathetic scoundrel!
“Please let Mr. Mark take you so we can at least know you’re safe.” He pleaded.
“No, so he can forward my every location to you?, not going to happen.” I pulled out my phone to book my ride.
“Let’s be logical for once. We know the active threat on us, in as much I’m trying everything in my power to catch him we still need to take reasonable steps to remain safe.”
“So I’ve never been logical”. I raised a brow at him.
“Lily please!”. He sighed exasperated.
“Yes, you’re…” I paused eyeing him for a second before placing my phone to my ear. “I’ll be out in a minute.” I eyed him again as I walked out of the gate and got into the cab.
I had to do what must be done. My mind was set already. The more I avoid this issue, the bigger it may become.
I had to tackle it now….