And cried, and cried some more. I didn’t know what to do so I just held her, rocking gently, petting her as I would a child. Slowly the sobs subsided and she became quiet. I held her for about forty five minutes, thinking she was asleep.
She stirred after a while, then started and jumped out of my arms. She looked shattered, lost, and so alone. I wanted nothing more in the world than to scoop her back into my embrace and tell it was all right, that she was a good person and loved, especially by me.
I realized then that I wasn’t in love with Sammi anymore, I was in love with Moira, and had been since the first time we played together. Damn, why did she have to be so married? Of course, with my track record, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.
Instead of following my instincts, I helped her into the rocking chair and got her a box of tissues. She wiped her eyes, dabbed her cheek, and did a very unladylike job of blowing her nose.
It was damn near a honk, and it made her giggle.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked gently.
She nodded and got her purse. She pulled a picture out and handed it to me.
It was a picture of a child, a red haired beauty with a beautiful smile. It must have been a Halloween photo. She was dressed as a fairy, in a little green satin dress with gossamer wings. At first I thought it was Moira until I looked a little closer. I looked to Moira for confirmation.
She nodded.
“My daughter, Erin. She had just turned four when that was taken.”
…………………….
“Where is she now?” I was picturing a scenario of a vengeful ex husband stealing her away.
“Forest Lawn. That picture was taken about seven months before she passed. Aggressive form of childhood cancer. From diagnosis to passing was only ten months. She would have turned seven today.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Paul and I were supposed to visit her today, that’s why I rode down with you. But he called about an hour after he was supposed to be home. Emergency meeting, couldn’t be avoided. What could be more important to him than honoring her memory? Damn him!”
She was sobbing again.
“Moira, I’ll take you. I’m overdue for a visit myself.”
She tried to stop me, but I led her to the van and buckled her in. The fight had gone out of her, she just stared out the window while I drove.
I stopped at a florist and bought three bouquets. She noticed the number but said nothing.
“Which section?” I asked as we pulled through the gate.
“Northeast corner, section C.”
I parked as close as I could and helped her out. I handed her the flowers I had picked, the florist said it was appropriate for a seven year old girl. I picked up the other two and told her I would give her privacy.
She put her hand on my arm. “Please go with me.”
She looked desperate, so I took her hand and followed her.
Forest Lawn didn’t allow stones, but accepted sculptures. Near her plaque was a small angel, arms reaching heavenward. If you looked close you could see it resembled a fairy. The engraving said: “To all the small angels”. I knew who funded it without question.
She talked for half an hour. She apologized for her father not being there for her birthday, and said he would make it up to her. She told her about her life, and being in a band, introducing me as her band mate and best friend. She wound up by talking about the flowers. Finally she told her she loved her more today than ever, and that she would be back soon. She kissed her hand and placed it on the plaque, then turned and strode off for awhile.
She was staring off into the distance, but took my hand when I joined her.
“Thank you, Wiley. Now let’s go visit your loved ones.”
I took her to see Mom and Chip, buried side by side. I told her who they were, and before I could stop myself told her the whole story. She didn’t say a word, just held my hand tighter.
She was surprised when I laid only one bouquet down.
Then I took her over and introduced her to Kara, again telling the whole story.
She gazed down for awhile, then whispered, “You lucky, lucky girl, getting to love Wiley first. I envy you, but think I understand him better now. Thank you for loving him.”
We were quiet when we left.
“Wiley, just drive around for a little, will you?”
I didn’t say a word, and thirty minutes later we were at the state park that I had taken Sandy to on our first date. The place was always soothing to me. We sat on the picnic table and watched the fishermen and the families picnicing for awhile.
She hadn’t let go of my hand since we got out of the car.
“Thank you for being there when I needed you. Now, please, I can tell you’re in some kind of pain. Let me help. If nothing else I’ll be glad to listen. You do it for me. Please, hon, tell me what’s going on.”
I think the ‘hon’ broke me, so I told her about the last two years, first with Sandy, and now Sammi. She was livid.
“What the hell is wrong with these women? Does the blood not go all the way to their brains? You’re the finest man I’ve ever met. Kind, gentle, loving, loyal, what the hell is wrong with them?”
I sincerely hope I never see that look she had on her face directed at me.
“What are you going to do about her?” She demanded indignantly.
So I told her. She looked confused, surprised, and finally happy.
“I’m gonna have to reevaluate my opinion of you, but I like it. And I’m gonna help you.”
She smile she had was not pleasant.
……………………
Things were rapidly coming to a head, and just when I thought if I had one more crisis to deal with I would blow my brains out, a big one came at me.
“Wiley, honey, how are you? I’ve got a problem I need help with, and you’re the first one I thought of. Will you help me, please?”
It was Mrs. Miller, my old piano/organ teacher, wife of the man who taught me to play guitar. They were more than teachers, almost a second set of grandparents. He had passed away last year, and I checked on her from time to time.
She didn’t have anyone else. Her only child and his wife were killed in an auto accident years before.
What she had was their son, her grandson, probably the most useless human I had ever met. He was due a trust fund from the accident when he was thirty. He was twenty two now and a two time convicted felon. We lived in a three strike state, and I would have bet every guitar I owned he would go down for the count way before then.
He was in trouble, again. She had gone through most of her savings paying for bail and lawyers.
The grandson was a unrepentant druggie and had been caught with a felony amount of crack on him.
No doubt about it, he was gone.
She was trying to raise bail money, but with his
track record nobody wanted to bond him. She finally found one who would do it, if she put the whole $50, 000 up front. If he made his court date he would refund 90%.
I tried my best to talk her out of it. He was her last living relative, and she had a blind spot as far as he was concerned.
He had been through rehab twice, as well as several twelve step programs. He would last a month, a week, a day, and be back hustling the street for his next fix.